CONTENTS
|
The Family Pen
Memoirs
and correspondence of Jane Taylor
FORTY years
have elapsed since the first publication of these Memoirs. This is an
interval of time within which many names, which were deservedly
conspicuous in their day, have subsided into almost absolute
oblivion; but no empty boast is implied when the simple fact is
affirmed that JANE
TAYLOR'S name,
and her literary repute, within her proper field, still survive; and
that her influence within that field has undergone little diminution.
As to a large
portion of the beneficial influence of her writings, it has outlasted
even a sixty years, during which time very many works of the same
class, and some of them of great merit, have appeared, and which, it
might have been thought, would have driven the authors of Original
Poems and Hymns for Infant
Minds,from
their ground. But
this substitution of the new for the old in this department has not
taken place. As to Jane Taylor's later writings, they still maintain
their position, and are sought after and read with zest by some who
are the grand-daughters of those whom, sixty years ago, she addressed
as "My young readers". There is ground therefore for the
belief that the many who still cherish Jane Taylor's memory with
affection, and who commend her writings to their children, will
receive with favour a re-publication in a collected form of the more
permanent portion of her works, headed by a memoir, which, although
it has already appeared in print, is now enlarged by the addition of
much new material hitherto unedited.
In bringing
forward
this Memoir in its present form, and with its new materials, I find
myself much less restrained than when addressing myself to my task,
as my sister's biographer, some forty years ago. This difference of
feeling results in part, as a natural consequence, from the habitude
of appearing before the public as an author, dispelling, as it does,
the shyness and diffidence that attend the early years of a literary
course. But more than this, the lapse of so many years has put out of
sight many of those motives of reserve which must be in force so long
as the contemporaries and the nearest connexions of the deceased may
actually be the readers of a biography. The time that has gone by
since my sister's death has reduced the list of her surviving
contemporaries to a very few names; and of these few, perhaps not one
will actually be a reader of what now is written.
Not only
therefore
may more liberty be used on my part in describing and narrating the
scenes and incidents of my sister's personal history, but a liberty
of selection also from her correspondence and manuscripts may be
allowable, which, at the first, was forbidden me on many grounds.
Of this
liberty,
however, I shall not avail myself to an undue extent. It is a mistake
often made by biographers to imagine that the ordinary incidents of
an ordinary course of life acquire importance from their connexion
with a name that has long stood in a favourable light before the
public. This misjudgment has had an effect fatal to literary
reputations, which have been submerged hopelessly under the weight of
two, three, four, or more volumes. With only one volume on his head,
the victim of the fond prejudice of a biographer might long have held
himself afloat.
Chapter
1.
Jane
Taylor's parentage and early years at Lavenham
THE ordinary
incidents of an ordinary lot may be worth the relating when they are
of a kind that are characteristic of a gone-by era, and when they
serve to give vividness to our conceptions of the doings and the
fashions of such an era — a time seventy, eighty years ago, and of
which few vivid recollections are extant. As to some brief statements
of parentage and pedigree, they may properly be admitted in a Memoir,
if it were only as authentic contradictions of the frequent
mis-statements which find their way into biographical statements.
Writers who furnish hastily written articles relating to the living,
or to the recently deceased, ought surely to take more pains in
ascertaining facts than appears to have been used in some such
compilations. Along with a taste and a feeling peculiarly her own,
JANE TAYLOR had her share of a constitutional energy and a power of
achievement which had distinguished several of the seniors of the
family, as well on the paternal as on the maternal side.1
lSAAC TAYLOR,
the
grandfather of Jane Taylor, was the son of WILLIAM TAYLOR of
Worcester. Early in the last century, this Isaac Taylor, first of
four, who in lineal succession have borne that name, came up to
London from Worcester, while still a youth, fired with the ambition
of distinguishing himself as an artist. In London he obtained
instruction in the newly imported "mystery" of copper-plate
engraving, as practised by those Italian and French artists whose
names are familiar to the collectors of prints. He soon won for
himself a reputable place among the English artists who were then
labouring to naturalize the fine arts in this country, and who at
length fully succeeded in doing so: for they, and their sons and
pupils, brought line engraving to a pitch of excellence that may
allow them to challenge comparison with the artists of Germany,
Italy, or France. ISAAC TAYLOR then rising in his profession, married
early in life. Sarah, daughter of Josiah Jefferys of Shenfield,
Essex, and of Jane Hawkshaw, his wife and it was at Shenfield that
the infant family was reared, while the father pursued his career in
London. The three sons of this family were CHARLES, who won a
deservedly high reputation as the learned Editor of Calmet’s Dictionary of the Bible; ISAAC, the
father of Anne and Jane;
and JOSIAH who became eminent as a publisher of architectural works,
and who gave substantial evidence of unusual ability and energy by
amassing a large fortune. ISAAC, the second son, received a regular
education as an engraver, and in fact at a very early period of his
course he far surpassed his father in every artistic quality, and at
length took a prominent position in the execution of that series of
great artistic works of which the Boydells were the
originators.
Isaac Taylor’s engravings after Opie, Northcote, Stothard,
Smirke
and others, compare well with any works of the order and period.
A circumstance
which had great influence in after years upon Jane’s education, as well
as upon that of the other members of the family, may here properly be
mentioned; remote as may seem its bearing upon the intellectual
training of a girl in her teens. Between the years 1778 and 1785 Chambers’ Cyclopaedia
was sent to press for the sixth (or seventh)
edition, in folio, and was copiously illustrated with engravings.
Isaac Taylor, the elder, had been engaged to execute these plates;
which included scientific subjects of all kinds; and his name
accordingly appears at the corner of every plate in the series —
more than two hundred in number. Isaac Taylor, his second son, the
father of Jane Taylor, who was then in his apprenticeship, had
already acquired much various information, as well as skill, in his
profession. To him, in fact, was committed the actual execution of
these plates. The work was edited by Dr. Abraham Rees,
who some years
afterwards put forth an Encyclopaedia, in quarto, which bears his
name. My father, as being in fact the artist responsible for the due
execution of the plates, consequently came into almost daily
communication with this accomplished and amiable man, who welcomed
the young engraver to his study – gave him access to scientific
books, and by many a gratuitous instruction, promoted his personal
improvement.. In this manner, and while executing his task with
scrupulous care, and much ability, the engraver became — as he
continued to be through life — much more than an artist: he was a
man of varied acquirements, and of extensive acquaintedness with
matters of science. When at a later period, he found himself the
father of a numerous family, he set himself to work, with prodigious
and never-wearied industry, to systematize his various knowledge,
and, in many ingenious modes, to adapt it to the business of
education. It was a rudimentary instruction, thus wide its
circuit, and well ordered in its forms, that Jane, with her brothers
and sisters, received in their home education. But we now go back to
the days of her infancy at Lavenham.
JANE,
the second daughter, was born September 23rd, 1783, while her parents
resided in London. From her birth and during the first two years of
her life, her constitution seemed so delicate, and her health so
precarious, that it was scarcely expected she would survive the
critical period of infancy. But happily before she had completed her
third year, her father removed with his family into the country, and
from that period she appeared to take a new possession of life; and
soon acquired the bloom and vivacity of perfect health.
In
several instances, in the course of the ensuing narrative, I shall
avail myself of passages occurring in my mother's papers, in which
she refers to circumstances and events attaching to her daughter's
early life. It is thus that she speaks of her early experiences as a
mother:
"On
account of business, it had seemed advisable on the whole, that we
should move to London (from Islington), and, after having inhabited
our little mansion only fifteen months, thither we removed to
apartments in Red Lion Street, Holborn, at Midsummer, 1783; and on
the 23rd September following, a little before midnight, was born our
dear Jane — now no more."2
From the negligence of the attendants
she caught cold at the moment of her birth, and this entailed a
weakness on her constitution, from which she never recovered. and
which was probably the remote cause of a premature death.
And now, as a wife and a mother,
I felt the duties of those important
relations excite all my energies, and engross all my thoughts. What
was, on the whole, the best regimen for my children, with all the
pros and cons which I could muster from books or other sources,
underwent the most laborious investigation. Our medical attendant,
however, judiciously hinted to me, that children might even be
injured by overmuch care, and cautioned me against trying a variety
of experiments with them, as nature dictated the most simple
process.
The
anxious mother sought advice from friends, of whom some were as
forward to afford it, as she was ready to listen to it. These
friendly admonitions extended sometimes beyond what had been asked
concerning the treatment of her infants — as thus:
Here,
again, I must acknowledge my obligation to the same friend who had
interfered respecting the children's food. She was one of those who
assume the privilege of administering reproof, and of sneaking their
sentiments upon all occasions, without respect of persons; nor could
she have selected an individual better adapted than myself, to bear
with patience, and to profit, by the home-strokes which she was thus
in the habit of dealing about in all directions. 'Your
husband,' said she, 'may have got a housekeeper, and a nurse for his
children, but I am sure he has no companion; it will be well, if in
due time he does not grow tired of you. The affections of a man of
taste cannot fix permanently on a mere plod, and you are certainly
nothing better!' The homely truth darted into my mind, and carried
conviction with the rapidity of a flash of lightning. Already my
husband had begun to read to himself at breakfast and tea-time, and
thus far social converse was at a stand. But what was to be done? I
had not a moment's time to spare from those plodding duties with
which I had been charged by my friend, for I could not afford, like
her, to keep two servants. I viewed the matter in all its bearings,
and saw the impending danger without any apparent means of averting
it. At length — This will I do, thought I. I will propose to read to
him at breakfast and tea-time, by which means I may at once revive my
own dormant taste, cultivate a mind now rapidly degenerating to its
former state of ignorance, divert myself from those harassing cares
which beset me on every side; and thus subjects may be brought before
us, on which we can converse with mutual advantage. My proposal was
cordially received, and the plan instantly adopted. But the children —
what was to be done with the children? For, alas! there was no
nursery! Nothing at all was done with them. They quickly acquired the
habit of sitting quietly during the time, without any apparent
uneasiness from the restraint. Thus commenced a custom of more than
forty years' duration, with very partial interruptions, and which may
fairly be recorded as one of the important events of my life. It has
rescued a mind from inanity, which was rapidly degenerating, and
losing the few attainments it had acquired; it has beguiled many a
care, and diverted many a pain, even affording energy to weakness and
languor, which, in most cases, would have been deemed insurmountable
obstacles to such a custom. Besides this, must be taken into account
the incalculable benefit arising to the children of the family, from
the volumes they have thus heard read, in addition to their own
individual reading. It is scarcely conceivable at what an early age
they thus obtained gleanings of knowledge, from subjects becoming
familiar to them, of which they must otherwise have remained ignorant
till the regular process of education had directed attention to them.
In a word, this custom has proved one of the prominent blessings of
our lives.
His
engagements as
an artist being such as allowed him to reside at a distance from
London, Mr. Taylor gladly availed himself of this liberty to
establish his family in a place where the same expenditure would
procure a much larger amount of comfort than in London; and where
health, and all the best enjoyments of life, were much more likely to
be secured. It was in the summer of the year 1786 that the family
removed to the village of Lavenham, in Suffolk. Ann, the eldest
child, was then in the fifth, and Jane in the third year of her age;
and they were, therefore, able to enjoy, with their parents, the
simple pleasures and extended comforts of their new habitation.
Accustomed as she had been to the narrow bounds and the many
restraints of a London house, Jane's spirits broke forth with unusual
emotions of pleasure amid the ample space, and the agreeable objects
that now surrounded her.
My mother thus
speaks of the removal to Lavenham:
And so after
a
toilsome and anxious journey, wandering about among strangers,
hospitable and inhospitable, from place to place; my husband hired at
length a house at Lavenham, in Suffolk, sixty miles from London: its
owner, a clergyman, having just quitted it. It was a handsome
dwelling, with a spacious garden, well stocked with fruit, and, owing
to its retired situation and its distance from the high road, the
rent was no more than six pounds per annum; an advantageous diminution
from twenty pounds, which we had paid in London. And while provisions
were cheap in equal proportion, our superior wisdom above that of our
friends was too demonstrable, not to strike us at the first glance.
Jane's mother
had
felt in the keenest manner the separation from her family and her
London friends and she had resigned herself to this removal into the
country as to a calamity inevitable. After speaking of the painful
parting at the last, she says:
On the same
evening, Friday, June 3oth, 1786, we arrived at our new habitation;
had I been told when living at home, that I should ever have taken up
my abode in such a mansion, and view it, not only with indifference,
but with disgust, I should have discredited the prediction. But what
can external objects effect in banishing the sorrows of the mind? It
seemed an ungracious return for my dear husband's exertion, in doing
all that affection could suggest to welcome me to my new abode, and
render it agreeable; but against this sort of trial no consideration
could ever render me proof.
Very soon
after her
removal to the country, Jane displayed, not merely a healthy vivacity
and child-like eagerness in the amusements provided for her by her
parents, but an uncommon fertility of imagination in creating
pleasures for herself. It was evident to those who observed her,
that, even from her third or fourth year, the child inhabited a fairy
land, and was perpetually occupied with the imaginary interests of
her teeming fancy. "I can remember," says her sister, "that Jane was
always the saucy, lively, entertaining little thing — the amusement and
the favourite of all that knew her. At the
baker's shop she used to be placed on the kneading-board, in order to
recite, preach, narrate — to the great entertainment of his many
visitors; and at Mr. Blackadder's she was the life and fun of the
farmer's hearth. Her plays, from the earliest that I can recollect,
were deeply imaginative, and I think that in `Moll and Bet', 'The
Miss Parks', 'The Miss Sisters', 'The Miss Bandboxes', and 'Aunt and
Niece', which I believe is the entire catalogue of them, she lived in
a world wholly of her own creation, with as deep a feeling of reality
as life itself could afford. These amusements lasted from the age of
three or four, till ten or twelve. About the latter time her
favourite employment in playtime was whipping a top, during the
successful spinning of which she composed tales and dramas, some of
which she afterwards committed to paper. She would spend hours in
this kind of reverie, in the large unfurnished parlour at our house
at Lavenham. But I think I may say that the retiring character of her
mind, a morbid sensibility towards things and persons without, as
well as much refined feeling, operated to prevent a due estimate of
her talents being formed, till much later in life. I need not tell
you, that they were never made a show of to anybody. But timid as she
was in and about herself, she had the courage of enterprise in the
service of those she loved; she was, you know, the presenter of every
petition for holidays and special favours, and the spirited foremost
in every youthful plan."
This
early activity of the imagination Jane afterwards lamented. "I
do believe," she says, that this habit of castle-building is
very injurious to the mind. I know I have sometimes lived so much in
a castle, as almost to forget that I lived in a house." Had she
continued in London, it is probable that, with the dire impressions
of a sickly frame, and the sombre dullness of surrounding objects, the
imagination would have continued in its germ till it had been
quickened by the feverish excitements of riper years. But there is a
better hope for the character when this faculty expands during the
innocence of infancy, and amid the fair scenes of nature; for these
first impressions preoccupy the fancy, and give a lasting direction
to the tastes.
The
house occupied by Mr. Taylor at Lavenham, was situated in a street of
detached dwellings, of a humbler class than itself, at the outskirts
of the town. These cottages were inhabited chiefly by the poor who
were employed in the woollen manufacture, which at that time still
lingered in this neighbourhood, where it had formerly greatly
flourished. The scene which this street exhibited on a summer's day,
seventy years ago, is now hardly anywhere to be observed. The
spinning wheel was planted on the foot-way before every cottage door,
and the females of each family wrought in groups, young and old
together. Perhaps it ought not to be much regretted that industry has
ceased to be picturesque; and the political economist will aver that
not only the organization of labour has vastly increased production,
but that the necessaries, and even the luxuries of life, are far more
abundantly accessible to those who spend their days in close ranks
around the steam-engine.
The
house at Lavenham was sufficiently spacious to afford apartments in
which the children might be left to their amusements without
restraint. A pleasant, and rather extensive garden adjoined the
house; it was open towards the country, and a long and wide grass
walk, traversing its whole length, was terminated at the upper end by
an arbour, in the old fashioned style, and at the other by a ha-ha;
beyond which were pastures, a rugged common, and more distant
cornfields. In this garden the sisters were, at a very early age,
companions in song; and they were wont, before the eldest was six
years old, to pace up and down the green walks, hand in hand, lisping
a simple couplet of their joint composition.
My
mother thus speaks of her methods of training in the earliest stages
of education:
By
this time our two little girls, Ann and Jane, had attained that age
when the work of education must commence; a task, it must be
confessed, in which we had more zeal than knowledge. What I had
witnessed at home from the injudicious indulgence of my brothers and
sisters, determined me, if ever I became a mother, to adopt a different
plan, and made me resolve, on the other hand, that my children should
never suffer under the oppression which had so afflicted my own
childhood and youth. My husband, too, had been trained under the
boasted system of 'a word and a blow, and the blow first'; so that we
had not the advantages of example to assist us in our new and important
undertaking ...
And here, if we might be allowed to claim any merit, the ardour, the
zeal, and the affection with which we commenced our new duties to our
infant charges may be mentioned. Their dear father found his utmost
energies necessary for the support of his family; nevertheless he as
zealously entered into his department of their education as though it
had been his sole employment. My own health was at this time
considerably undermined; and many unavoidable chasms ensued in my
operations, in consequence of nearly annual confinements; our first six
children having been born in little more than seven years; but neither
these hindrances, nor indispensable household affairs, prevented
me from devoting a large portion of my time to my darling object. I
kept, when not confined to my chamber, regular school hours; and when
occupied in domestic affairs, my girls, whenever it was possible, have
been at my side, and by the questions I encouraged them to ask, their
minds were stored with such knowledge as my yet scanty stock
enabled me to dispense and that every fragment of time might be
gathered up with frugality, a hymn at least could be repeated during
the time of dressing; our evenings, while I plied my needle, were at
once cheerfully and profitably spent. I say cheerfully, for nature
dictates that peace and tranquillity are alike indispensable to the
well-being of body and mind. I fear my conduct might be censured by
some religious professors of the present day, from the fact that I
rarely attended week-day services; for how would the evenings have been
spent during my absence? Alas! as too many of them were spent, when I
was unavoidably confined to my chamber. Should, however, this excuse
not suffice, let the censorious reader know, that I was rarely to be
seen at evening parties, and accepted, very reluctantly, those
invitations which I could not with propriety refuse. And my children
have since furnished me with anecdotes, more than sufficient to confirm
my opinion, and justify my sentiments on those subjects, some of which
shall be communicated in their proper place.
To the innocent amusements of the children we were particularly
attentive; not grudging the moderate cost of toys, and even
manufacturing some for them ourselves; while an occasional afternoon
was devoted to a country excursion; and so far from these indulgences
proving injurious to the children, they certainly, from the first of
our appearance at Lavenham, excited quite as much interest in our new
friends as could be expected. They had the reputation of being the most
lively and intelligent little creatures that could possibly be, and our
neighbours loved to amuse themselves with their engaging ways.
From the time of their removal to Lavenham, Jane and her sister were
indulged with a small room, not used as a nursery, but given up to them
as their exclusive domain, and furnished with all their little
apparatus of amusement. And either abroad, or in this apartment, they
learned to depend upon their own invention for their diversions; for it
was always a part of their parents' plan of education to afford to
their children both space and materials for furnishing entertainment to
themselves. And so much were they all accustomed to exercise invention,
for filling up agreeably the hours of liberty, that I doubt if either
their father or mother was ever applied to with the listless inquiry —
What shall I play at?
After a while, Mrs. Taylor became fully conscious of the inestimable
advantage of a country home for her family; and she thus gives
expression to her feelings:
When the first gloomy and
anxious winter spent at Lavenham gave place
to the return of spring — a season which was ever hailed by me with a
joy not to be suppressed by London scenes or London bustle — I found
myself still susceptible of the same delights. The crocuses and the
snowdrops, and the tender bud, had a soothing influence — they
tranquillized my feelings, and gradually abated my regret for the
scenes I had left. Soon the garden displayed its varied charms, and
appeared in all its splendour. I now began to wonder at my
insensibility to all this rich profusion of delights, on our first
arrival; and while I did not cease to love my distant friends with
unabated affection, I certainly did cease to wish myself among them
so ardently as I had hitherto done. We saw with delight our children
inhaling health with every breath. They had a spacious garden in
which to gambol, without the necessity of sending them abroad with a
servant, which, from my extreme dislike to the thing, invariably
rendered me uncomfortable during such excursions, while residing in
London.
Another
extract from the same Memoirs gives evidence of maternal care which
left nothing unthought of.
We
hear of those `who have died of the doctor', and we might hear, too,
of others, whose mental energies have been paralysed, or at least
endangered, by overmuch care: by being kept under such perpetual
discipline, that they have imperceptibly lost their native
characters, and become anything but natural, and, by consequence
anything but pleasing. Now, as we advanced in our operations, we
were, in some respects, perhaps, in danger of this error; for where
there is neither tyranny nor severity, it is nevertheless possible to
be too incessantly watchful over mere trifles, and matters of no
consequence. In one instance I am sure we were decidedly mistaken. We
permitted, in the article of food, neither likings nor dislikings,
from the fear of indulging habits of daintiness. Now, during
childhood — especially with children at all delicate, the stomach is
most susceptible of these emotions; and not to regard them in
moderation, is to inflict a degree of real suffering, of which we are
most of us competent to form some idea from our present feelings.
Children, during their meals, should be under as few restraints as is
consistent with the decorum of a decent table. Nor should their
motions, except during the hours of regular exercise, be under any
particular restraint; their own feelings will best direct them when
to sit, or when to stand, to lie, or to run.
Jane
became, at this time, so much known among neighbours and friends as a
most diverting little thing, that her company was courted, and
herself flattered in a degree that would have injured the disposition
of most children. I do not affirm that she was wholly unhurt by these
attentions, but with all her spirit and vivacity, such was her
timidity, that no feeling of vanity or obtrusiveness was apparently
produced. She received the plaudits of her audiences at the baker's
shop, or in the farmer's parlour, much in the same way that she
afterwards heard the expression of public favour: both might give a
momentary stimulus to the exertion of her talent; but neither the one
nor the other impaired her native and habitual diffidence. Yet this
early celebrity did not fail to excite the watchful fears of her
parents; and so far as it was possible to prevent it, Jane was
restrained from thus furnishing amusement to the neighbourhood, at so
great a hazard to her simplicity. But, as one of a fast-increasing
family, she was unavoidably left at times under the care of servants,
who were gratified at having so much talent to exhibit.
At
what age precisely Jane began to write verses and tales, I have not
been able to ascertain. But some pieces have been preserved which,
there is reason to believe, were written in her eighth year. Even a
year or two earlier it is remembered, that she had furnished her
memory with histories, which she used to recite with such variations
as the inspiration of the moment might suggest. And though, of
course, no idea of the kind had ever been given her by her parents
(and no other persons had access to her who would have thought of
such a thing), yet it seems that, as soon as she began to write at
all, she cherished the ambition of writing a book. Most of her
childish scribblings have the form of something prepared for the
public: I have before me, of this early date, prefaces, title pages,
introductions, and dedications: among these the following is so
characteristic that I shall venture to produce it. It appears to
have been written when she was nine years of age.
PREFACE
To
be a poetess I don't aspire;
From
such a title humbly I retire;
But
now and then a line I try to write;
Though
bad they are — not worthy human sight.
Sometimes
into my hand I take a pen,
Without
the hope of aught but mere chagrin
I
scribble, then leave off in sad despair,
And
make a blot in spite of all my care.
I
laugh and talk, and preach a sermon well;
Go
about begging, and your fortune tell
As to
my poetry, indeed 'tis all
As
good, and worse by far, than none at all.
Have
patience yet I pray, peruse my book;
Although
you smile when on it you do look
I
know that in't there's many a shocking failure
But
that forgive — the author is JANE TAYLOR.
It
was perhaps a year later that she addressed to her father the
following:
PETITION
Ah
dear papa! did you but know
The
trouble of your Jane,
I'm
sure you would relieve me now,
And
ease me of my pain.
Although
your garden is but small,
And
more indeed you crave,
There's
one small bit, not used at all,
And
this I wish to have.
A
pretty garden I would make,
That
you would like I know;
Then
pray, papa, for pity's sake,
This
bit of ground bestow.
For
whether now I plant or sow,
The
chickens eat it all;
I'd
fain my sorrows let you know,
But
for the tears that fall.
My
garden then should be your lot
I've
often heard you say,
There
useful trees you wish to put,
But
mine were in the way.
But,
for the most part, Jane confided her productions to no one except her
sister; and the extent to which she indulged the propensity to write,
at this early age, was unknown to her parents. Indeed, the habit of
scribbling was purely spontaneous; nor was it cherished by any
encouragement from her father or mother. The whole intention of their
plan of education, was to fit their children for the discharge of the
ordinary duties of life; and to elicit or to display talent was far
from being their ambition. A home education was early determined
upon, and systematically pursued through a course of years. Jane and
her sister spent a part of every day with their father, receiving
from him the rudiments of that education, of the nature of which I
shall have occasion hereafter to speak; and they daily spent many
hours with their mother, who, from the first, made her daughters her
companions, treating them, and conversing with them, as reasonable
beings. They were accustomed to attend and to assist her in every
domestic duty, learning at once the reason and the practice of all
that was to be done. In the afternoon and evening, while employed by
their mother's side, subjects of all kinds, within the range of their
comprehension, were discussed. These conversations were at intervals
relieved by singing hymns — a practice which tends, insensibly, to
blend all the best and happiest emotions of the infant heart with the
language of piety.
It
was especially the practice of their mother, in her treatment of her
children, to avoid everything like manoeuvring, or mystery, as well
as all unnecessary concealment of the reasons of her conduct
towards them. She confided in them as friends; and at the earliest
time at which such ideas could enter their minds, they were
acquainted with their father's affairs; so far at least, as was
necessary to qualify them to sympathize in every care, and to induce
them to adapt their own feelings and expectations to their parent's
means. This plan, moreover, preserved them, as far as children can be
preserved, from the temptation to practise those petty artifices which
debase the mind, and benumb the conscience.
As it formed a material part of Jane's intellectual education, I may
here mention again the custom adopted by her mother, a year or two
before the time of which I am speaking — that of reading aloud at every
meal. Her hearing being so far defective as to prevent her from freely
taking part in conversation, she had recourse to a book, in order that
the social hours might not be seasons of silence. By constant use she
acquired the habit of taking her food with little interruption to the
reading; and only on occasions of extreme ill-health was the custom
wholly suspended. This practice was a solace and a delight to herself,
and in some degree enabled her to forget her misfortune in being shut
out from free intercourse with her family; while to them it proved,
directly and indirectly, highly beneficial, especially in preventing
unprofitable conversation, in cherishing intellectual tastes, and in
imparting, without labour, or cost of time, a great mass of
information, the choice of books always being made with a view to
the pleasure and advantage of the younger members of the family.
Since the time of which I am speaking — about seventy years ago — a
great change has come in upon those tastes and modes of feeling which
regulate the literary habits of well-ordered families. It is, no doubt,
a change on the whole for the better; but not so in every sense: a far
higher tone, and a more fastidious style prevails now than then; and it
is certain that the range of books at that time accounted readable
aloud in a family, included many, the very titles of which have barely
been heard in my own family. We could not now listen, around the
breakfast table, to certain works of fiction, the hearing of which then
inflicted upon us, as I think, very little moral injury. Passages
passed over the ear, little heeded, and therefore with little ill
consequence, the offensiveness of which would now startle and disgust
the family party. Certain it is that this liberty, or licence, had the
effect of giving to the young persons of my father's family, a breadth
of acquaintance with standard English literature, which the young
persons of my own family have not had the opportunity to acquire.
Speaking of the family usage of reading aloud at meals, my mother,
after giving an account of the long and dangerous illness of her
husband, says:
And now the old custom of
reading was resumed, which, while it enlivened the monotony of a still
protracted confinement, and cheered his languid spirits, produced a
similar effect on my own, harassed and worn out as they had been by
excessive fatigue, anxiety, and sorrow. Indeed, it would hardly be
credited how very partially this salutary custom has been interrupted
during all our multifarious trials and exercises; and how the constant
pressure of them on the mind has been mitigated by the return, every
few hours, of this innocent and instructive relaxation.
No part of Jane's character was more prominent and distinguishing than
her susceptibility to feelings of tender, generous, and constant
friendship; this disposition displayed itself as early as her
propensity to write; and seemed, indeed, to awaken her talent.
Her affection for her sister was of the liveliest kind; but besides
this intimacy, she early found a companion, who became the object of a
more than child-like regard. Ann and Jane Watkinson were respectively
about the same ages as Ann and Jane Taylor: their parents were
distinguished in their circle, by good sense, superior education, and
excellence of character. Their large family, of which Ann and Jane were
the youngest members, was remarkably well ordered and intelligent. The
four girls, with the full acquiescence of their parents, became very
constant companions; and continued to be so, till the removal of this
family from Lavenham to America.
My sister always thought herself peculiarly happy in her friendships,
and this early intimacy, though it was so soon to be dissolved,
prepared her for the enjoyment of some that were more lasting, as well
as more important, in after-life.
It
was with a much more lively sorrow than most children of ten years
old would have felt on such an occasion, that Jane parted for ever
with her friend Jane. Mr. Watkinson, though a man of grave manners,
settled habits, and remarkable sobriety of judgment, and though bound
to his country, if not by other feelings, at least by extensive
connexions, and large mercantile concerns, broke away from all to
establish himself with his family in New England. And in this
instance, the voluntary banishment proved more fortunate than many
that took place at the same time. An occasional correspondence was
between my sisters and their young friends for upwards of twenty
years. I will here introduce a monument of Jane's warm attachment to
her first friends, written in her eleventh year: it breathes the
spirit that always distinguished her.
TO
MISS JANE WATKINSON, ON HER LEAVING ENGLAND
Alas ! it must be,
My
ever dear Jane,
You must part with me
We must not meet again.
Accept
then, my dear,
These verses from me;
Although I do fear
Far too mean
they be.
I love you, believe,
My Jane and my friend!
How much should
I grieve
If our friendship should end.
But this cannot be,
Believe me
sincere,
Though th' Atlantic sea
Should part us, my dear.
Remember
your Jane,
When alone in the grove;
Forget not her name
She will
ever you love.
You
soon sure will find
A friend that is new
Don't push Jane behind,
But
remember her too.
Adieu
then, my friend;
The thought gives me pain;
My love shall not end;
So
remember your Jane.
In
the winter of the year 1792, the comfort of the family and the
education of the children were, for a long time, interrupted by the
dangerous illness of their father, which has already been alluded to.
Throughout this season of affliction, their mother's thoughts and
cares were almost entirely confined to the chamber of sickness.
During many weeks, her husband's recovery seemed to herself, and to
his medical attendants, very improbable; and long after the immediate
danger had passed away, he still required the incessant attention of
his anxious wife, who never willingly left him for an instant to the
care of hirelings. In these months of sorrow and fear, the children,
now five in number, were therefore unavoidably abandoned to the
neglects and the improper treatment of servants. And not only was the
course of their education interrupted, but their mother was tortured
by knowing that their minds and manners were exposed to those evil
influences from which, hitherto, her vigilance had, in so great a
degree, preserved them. Nevertheless, she had then, as she ever had,
this comforting reflection, that it was not by their mother's
fondness for dissipating pleasures that her children were ever
exposed for a day, nor for an hour, to society that might be
prejudicial to them.
Soon
after Mr. Taylor's recovery from this illness, being obliged to leave
the abode he had hitherto rented, he purchased, and nearly rebuilt,
an adjoining house. In this new dwelling, family order and comfort
were soon restored. The house was commodious, and the garden promised
to become all that could be wished; and being in part newly retrieved
from the waste, it afforded the pleasures of formation and
improvement. The storm of affliction having passed away, a fair sky
seemed to smile upon the distant future. But this agreeable prospect
was soon wholly changed, and a sphere of new duties was opened, by
the indications of Divine Providence, to my father's Christian zeal.
The particular circumstances which led to this change belong not to
my subject; they were, however, such as made him think it his duty to
abandon the comforts with which he had just surrounded himself, and
to comply with the wishes of a dissenting congregation at Colchester,
to become their minister. Early in the year 1796, he removed to that
town with his family, and assumed the pastoral care of the society
assembling at the chapel in Bucklersbury Lane.
The
ten years of the abode of the family at Lavenham — from 1786 to 1796 —
the years of Jane's infancy and childhood, included the outburst of
that volcano — the thunder and the heavings of which have not even
yet ceased to trouble the nations. It may be thought that events of
such magnitude as those of the French Revolution could scarcely have
any bearing whatever upon the training of a family, remote from all
concernment with public affairs. But it was otherwise in fact: in
more modes than one the "mighty thunderings, and the voices as
of many waters" of that time, deeply affected the domestic life,
and gave a character, never to be effaced, to those among us whose
feelings and imagination were the most alive. My mother's readings
included the weekly newspaper, and so it was that each narrative of
horrors — piece by piece — fell upon the excited minds of the
children, some of whom were gifted with the unenviable faculty of
giving reality to dark and sanguinary recitals. The reign of terror
painted itself — bit by bit — upon the fancy of some of us. I shall
not forget the terrible impression made upon my own mind by hearing
the news of the death of the French king. It was a dismal winter's
afternoon, as I perfectly remember, when a neighbour suddenly broke
in upon our games with the exclamation — "They have cut off the
king's head!" Then followed narratives in long continuity,
which, listened to weekly, from year to year, did not fail to shed a
gloom even upon the thoughtlessness of childhood.
But
this was not all; the French Revolution was near to repeating itself
in England: the spirit it roused troubled the social system even in
the most obscure towns and villages. Men, quiet neighbours
heretofore, then met in the streets as deadly enemies. Treason —
almost tampered with on the one side, and hotly imputed on the other
side — gave an intensity to party feelings which had never before,
and has never since, affected the community, even in the gloomiest
days of national discontent.
Mr.
Taylor was no political agitator; he had his opinions, but he kept
them much to himself: he was a man of peace; my mother had always
been, and was, decidedly conservative; nor could any imputation be
more unjust than that of classing her with "democrats", and
the disloyal; but my father had become a leading man among the
frequenters of the Meeting House at Lavenham, and he was an object,
therefore, of party virulence, with his "Church and King"
neighbours. There had been riots in many places; and the Lavenham
mob, well understanding the temper and inclinations of their
superiors — the clergy and gentry — coveted a share in these forays
upon the "Meetingers". I remember an afternoon when a
neighbour, wishing us well, came in breathless, to give us the
warning that a furious mob, with flags flying and drums beating, was
then filling the market-place, and had vowed that they would burn Mr.
Taylor's house over his head: he had lately removed to the house he
had purchased and fitted up, as mentioned above — the house he had at
first occupied, at the distance of an intervening garden, being then
the residence of Mr. Cook, the rector of the parish — a staunch
parson, after the fashion of those good old times.
The
affrighted children of the family had taken position at a side
window; and I recollect — never to forget it — seeing the van of the
mob, brandishing pitchforks and mattocks, making its appearance at
the head of the street. At that time Dissenters had nothing to hope
from justices of the peace, or their underlings. Yet at this moment
deliverance came as the mob advanced along the street, Mr. Cook, a
portly wig-bearing clergyman, came forth upon the door-steps, lifted
his hand, summoned to him the leaders of these his loyal friends, and
addressed to them a few words which we did not hear; but the meaning
of which we divined from the effect which ensued — for the mob
retired, and Mr. Taylor and his family breathed again, and that night
they rested quietly upon their beds once more.
The next
morning my
father, in his simplicity, thought it incumbent upon him to present
himself at the door of his benefactor — there to offer an
expression of his heartfelt gratitude for the intervention on his
behalf. He did so; but in uttering what he had intended to say, was
cut short by the stately rector in this fashion:
Well, Mr. Taylor,
you may spare your thanks; for to tell you the truth, Mrs. Cook's
sister is at this time very ill: we fear dangerously ill; and we
thought that so much noise and confusion as would have ensued, if the
people had effected their purpose, so near to us, might have been
very prejudicial to her in her weak state.
This was doing
the
part of a neighbour and of a Christian minister — gracefully! but
such were those times!
Chapter II. Education and early
friendships at Colchester
JANE was in her
thirteenth year at the time of the removal of the family to
Colchester. Changes in scene and circumstance are, to minds so much
alive, as was hers, to the full force of every impression, the
occasions of important and permanent changes in the character; and
therefore they are worthy of a passing notice in its history.
Colchester was then the station of a large body of troops, and the
utmost activity prevailed throughout the town; and its broad High
Street was a perpetual scene of gay and busy movement. The many
interesting antiquities, also, and the agreeable country by which the
town is surrounded — agreeable, as compared with the ountry around
Lavenham — were sources of new pleasures. The house occupied by my
father during his stay at Colchester, though situated near the centre
of the town, had a garden attached to it, which, under his care, soon
became, in some degree, agreeable; and was so much so to Jane, that
it is frequently alluded to in her letters, as the scene of her
happiest hours.
The course of his
children's instruction was resumed by my father soon after his
settlement at Colchester. Our parents were agreed in their preference
of a home education, at least for their daughters, who, with the
exception of a few lessons in the lighter accomplishments, received
from their father their entire instruction; his engagements being
such as allowed him to superintend their learning without
inconvenience; and they have ever thought themselves indebted to him
for solid advantages, which greatly overbalanced the value of any
light accomplishments which they might more readily have gained at
school. It may be permitted to me here to say that my father's
methods of teaching were peculiarly happy in being at once lucid,
comprehensive, and facile to the learner. He aimed less to impart
those shreds of information, which serve for little except to deck
out ignorance with the show of knowledge, than to expand the mind by
a general acquaintance with all the more important objects of
science: so that, in whatever direction in after life his children
might pursue their studies, they might find the difficulties
attending the first steps on unknown ground already overcome. It was
also in his view a principal object of education, to prevent the
formation of a narrow and exclusive taste for particular pursuits, by
exciting very early a lively interest in subjects of every kind. The
influence of this comprehensive system on Jane's tastes was very
apparent in after life.3
For though, by the
conformation of her
mind, she mostly frequented the regions of imagination and of moral
sentiment, she always retained so genuine a taste for pursuits of an
opposite nature, as at once to impart the spirit of liberality to her
mind, and to become the source of richness and variety in her
writings. The result to herself of the kind of education she
received, she has well expressed when, in describing a true taste,
she says that — "while it will stoop to inspect and admire the
most minute and laborious operations of industry, and while it feels
an interest and sympathy in every branch of knowledge, it returns
with a natural bias towards that which is most comprehensive in
science, most intellectual in art, and most sublime in nature".
In the new circle
of friends to which the family was introduced at Colchester, there
were some persons of superior education and intelligence; and among
the many young people with whom my sisters presently became
acquainted Jane soon found a friend, with whom, until death
intervened, she maintained an affectionate intimacy. Peculiarly
formed for friendship, she was happy in her friends — except that
several, most dear to her, were torn from her by their early death:
such was the case in the present instance. Jane's new friend was the
youngest of the daughters of a physician esteemed for the excellence
of his private character, as well as for his professional ability. He
died about the time of which I am speaking, leaving a widow, four
daughters, and a son. The intercourse of this family with ours,
during several years, was so intimate and frequent, as to claim to be
mentioned in this memoir, especially as they are frequently referred
to in the correspondence.
The
eldest of these young ladies was distinguished, in an eminent degree,
by intelligence and sweetness of disposition, as well as loveliness
of manners and of person. Her chief charm was a blended dignity and
gentleness. Not long after the commencement of my sister's intimacy
with this family, she exhibited symptoms of the malady of which, in
the course of a few years, herself and her three sisters were the
victims; and she died, after spending two or three years in frequent,
but hopeless, changes of scene among her friends. The second
daughter, though less lovely in person, and less gentle in
disposition than her elder sister, endeared her self to her friends
by the affectionate warmth and candour of her disposition. The
progress of her fatal illness was more rapid than in the case of her
sister; she had died at a distance from home in the preceding year,
and her youngest sister was soon laid in the same grave. Jane's
friend was little inferior either in intelligence or in loveliness to
the eldest of the four sisters. Many of the letters that passed
between her and Jane are before me, and although there is not a
little of girlish romance in them, they afford abundant proofs of
great energy of character on the one part, and of much warmth and
tenderness of feeling, and originality of thought on the other.
This young lady
quickly followed her three sisters to the grave. She had been sent,
more than once, to the West of England, and died, on her way thither,
at Basingstoke, December 12, 1806. Her death, under the peculiar
circumstances which attended it, made a deep impression upon the mind
of her friend; and is, indeed, so fraught with instruction, that it
may claim a page in this memoir.
The
mild and gentle spirit of their mother did not supply to these young
women the loss they had sustained in the death of their father. They
soon learned to pay less deference than might have been desired to
her wishes and opinions; and finding herself unable, by gentle
measures, to control the high spirits of her daughters, she left
them, with a faint show of opposition, to fellow their own tastes.
Her inefficient influence seemed rather to accelerate, than retard,
their abandonment of all the principles — or "prejudices",
as they were fondly called — of their education. And so eager were
they to think for themselves, that a very short time sufficed to
confirm them in the contempt of every principle which they had
received from their parents. This tendency of their minds to discard
whatever they had been taught in matters of belief, was unhappily
aggravated by their witnessing a general laxity of manners, and some
flagrant scandals among the religionists, whose creed had already
become the object of their scorn. Such offences are sure to produce
the utmost mischief in the minds of young persons whose education,
while it has elevated their notions of the requirements of the
Christian life, has failed to bring their hearts under the influence
of the true motives of Christian action.
In addition to
such unfavourable circumstances on the one side, these young ladies
were exposed, on the other, to the most seductive influences, from
connexions which they had lately formed at a distance from home. Many
of their new friends were persons at once intelligent, refined in
manners, amiable in temper, and perfectly versed in all the specious
glozings of Unitarianism.
And Unitarianism was then much more
specious than it has since become. For, within the intervening
period, the course of controversy has deprived its professors of an
advantage — so important to the success of infidel insinuations —
that of having themselves no system of principles to defend.
In the society of
persons of this class these intelligent young women quickly imbibed
the spirit, and learned the language of almost universal disbelief;
and whatever might have been their early devotional feelings, they
became confessedly irreligious in their tastes and habits. This
change was but little obvious in the placid temper of the eldest
daughter. She was, indeed, fascinated with the showy simplicity of
this masked Deism,
and perplexed by its sophistries; but she thought
and felt too much to be ever perfectly satisfied with the opinions
she had adopted; her mind had rather been entangled than convinced.
During her fatal illness she seemed anxious to retrace her steps; and
in the last days of her life she earnestly recommended her sisters to
addict themselves with greater seriousness and humility to the
reading of the Scriptures; and she died, imploring, with mournful
indecision, to be "saved in God's own way".
Jane's friend was not at
all less forward than her sisters in renouncing what she termed "the
errors of her education”; she was even more determined and
dogmatical than some of them in her new profession of belief. This
difference of opinion, along with other circumstances, had lessened
the intimacy between the two girls; they maintained, however, to the
last, a friendly correspondence; though the subject of religion was,
by Jane's desire, banished from their letters.
After
many changes of residence, this young lady once more left Colchester,
accompanied by her mother, on her way to Devonshire; but she was
compelled to take up her last abode at an inn on the road; where she
lingered more than three months. The disappointment of her earnest
wish to reach Exeter, awakened her to the knowledge of her immediate
danger; and this apprehension was soon succeeded by the terrors of an
affrighted conscience.
The conviction of being an offender against the Divine law, and
exposed, without shelter, to its penalties, took such possession of
her spirit that, for a length of time, she rejected all consolation,
and endured an agony of fear, in expectation of dying without hope or
part in Christ. At length, however, her mind admitted joyfully the
"only hope set before us"; and she explicitly renounced the
illusions by which she had been betrayed — declaring them to be
utterly insufficient to satisfy the soul, in the speedy prospect of
standing before the bar of the Supreme Judge. She lived long enough
to display many of the effects of this happy change: the whole temper
of her mind seemed altered, she became patient, thankful,
affectionate, and humble; and triumphed in the profession of her
faith. "My hope," she said, "is in Christ — in Christ
crucified — and I would not give up that hope, for all the world."
I
now revert to the time of my sister's first acquaintance with
these young ladies. The close intimacy and very frequent intercourse
between the two families very greatly promoted the mental improvement
of all parties; for there were advantages of different kinds
possessed by each, which very fairly balanced the mutual benefit.
About this time — that is, when Jane was in her fifteenth year, the
six friends, in conjunction with two or three other young persons,
formed themselves into a society for reading original essays, and for
the promotion of intellectual improvement. Jane's diffidence as to
her own powers, her peculiar
dread of competition, as well as the fact of being herself
almost the youngest member of the society, prevented her from
assuming any very prominent place in these exercises; but she filled
her part
well; and some of
her compositions, which were read at the meetings of the society,
give indication of that originality of thought, that sprightliness
and simplicity of style, and that soundness of sentiment which have
since distinguished her writings. But Jane was at that time, and
indeed long afterwards, afraid to believe that she had any talent;
and it is certain that a belief of the possession is necessary to the
full exercise of intellectual endowments. Nevertheless, the part she
took in this society very evidently ripened her powers of thinking,
and accustomed her to control the excursions of her fancy. From this
time onward, what she wrote was more often in the form of didactic
essays, than in that of tales and romances. To what extent she
continued to write verses does not appear, a few pieces only of this
date have been preserved; but as they possess neither the interest
that belongs to the very early exhibitions of talent, nor the
intrinsic excellence of maturer productions, I do not obtrude them on
the reader.
Chapter
III. Religious feelings — family customs — employments and
recreations
EVERY
means of habitual instruction, and of occasional admonition, were
employed by our parents to influence the hearts of their children
with the motives of Christian principle; and there is reason to
believe that Jane very early received strong impressions of this
kind. But being reserved and timid by disposition, and peculiarly
distrustful of herself, little was known of the state of her
religious feelings. Her imagination, susceptible as it was in the
highest degree to impressions of fear, rendered her liable at times
to those deep and painful emotions which belong to a conscience that
has been aroused, but not fully pacified; and these feelings, when
blended with the pensiveness of her tender heart, gave, for many
years, a tone of mournfulness and distress to her inward spiritual
life. Religious principles, if thus clouded by gloom, must always be
less influential than when the mind is in a happier state; for the
heart cannot be favourably ruled by fear: yet they were not destitute
of influence upon
her conduct; and I find, dated in her fourteenth year, records of
pious resolutions, and emphatic expressions of the sense she had of
the supreme importance of the objects of Christian faith. Some
unfinished verses, written about this time, were evidently composed
under the influence of feelings too strong to allow of the free play
of her poetic talent; they are interesting as records of deep and
earnest religious experiences, but are too rude for publication.
A religious
training, meeting with feelings so highly excitable, and where, at
the same time, a young person is exposed to many seductive
influences, is likely to produce frequent and painful conflicts
between opposing principles, before that settled calm is obtained
which makes religion the source of all that is joyous as well as of
all that is excellent in the character. Such was, for a length of
time, the state of my sister's mind; but I believe that though often
perplexed and distressed by seeming difficulties her conviction of
the truth of revealed religion was never materially shaken; and her
habitual belief was full and firm: and in the latter years of her
life, I think it was never disturbed. Every word on the subject of
religion, which is contained either in her letters to her friends, or
in her published writings, is manifestly the expression of an
unfeigned faith.
In a letter
to a
friend, she says, "Our early friendships, though they must ever
be remembered with interest and fond affection, were little adapted
to promote our truest welfare; though to them, indeed, we are
indebted for many benefits of a less valuable nature."
With her
parents,
the only choice at this time was, either to seclude their children
from all society, or to allow them such as was within their reach,
though not altogether, of the "kind they could have wished".
The first alternative was hardly practicable; and in admitting the
latter, many advantages of a secondary kind were attained. But the
effect upon the minds of young persons, of frequenting the society of
those in whose conversation and manners religious principle or
feeling does not appear, will almost inevitably be to render what
they know of religion the source of uneasiness, and of fruitless
conflicts between conscience and inclination: and if, at the same
time, much of hollow religionism is witnessed by them, the probable
result will be either immoveable indifference, or confirmed
infidelity. Happily neither of these effects was produced upon the
mind of my sister; but, on the other hand, her religious peace and
comfort was for a long period more or less destroyed by habits of
feeling then formed.
That
religion was
from the first the subject of her habitual regard, will appear by the
following passages from letters of early date:
Oh, it is
hard fighting in our own strength against the evil bias of the heart,
and internal enemies. Their united forces are, I am daily more
convinced, far too much for anything but Grace to overcome. No good
resolutions, no efforts of reason, no desire to please, can alone
succeed: they may varnish the character; but O! how insufficient are
such motives for the trying occasions of common life. I would shine
most at home; yet I would not be good for the sake of shining, but
for its own sake: and when thus I trace the subject to first
principles, I find a change of heart can alone effect what I desire;
that 'new heart and right spirit' which is the gift of God.
To the same
friend, soon after, she writes:
I am
grieved, my dear E., to hear from you so melancholy an account of the
state of your mind. I wish I were a more able counsellor; or rather,
I wish you would overcome your feelings, and apply to those whose
consolations and advice might be useful to you. I can sincerely
sympathise with you in all your griefs. I rejoice in having obtained
your confidence; and I cannot make a better use of it than to urge
you to seek some abler adviser. I speak from experience when I say
how much benefit you might derive from an open communication of your
feelings to your dear mother. Well do I know how difficult it is; yet
the good to be gained is worthy the effort. You say she is so total a
stranger to your feelings, that she even supposes you to be an enemy
to religious principles. If then you consider the pleasure it would
afford her to find you seriously inquiring on such subjects, I think
you will feel this to be an additional argument for the disclosure.
Two or three years ago, my mind was in a state of extreme depression:
for months I had been conflicting with the most distressing fears,
and longing to disburden myself to my father: at last I could no
longer support myself, and breaking through what I had thought
insurmountable difficulties, I opened my mind to him completely. It
was a struggle; but the immediate relief I experienced fully repaid
me; and the unspeakable benefit I have derived from the conversations
I have since from time to time held with him encourages me to
persevere. Mr. Cecil was very urgent with me not to give way to that
unhappy reluctance to converse on religious subjects, so common to
young persons: he says we do not know how much we are our own enemies
by this reserve. If I understand you aright, you are giving way to
discontent as to your outward circumstances. 'The heart knoweth its
own bitterness', and it is not for me to say you are happy; yet from
all I know of you — your friends, circumstances, and prospects, you
are one of the last persons whose situation would excite my
commiseration. When I feel disposed to indulge discontent or
fretfulness, which, alas! is sometimes the case, I always find it a
good way to compare myself with the thousands of my fellow-creatures
who are exposed to the miseries of poverty and want, miseries which I
never knew, and in the absence of which, I invented calamities, which
the smallest exposure to those real ones would presently put to
flight. But these reflections, consolatory as they may be, will not
always avail to restore our comfort. Discontent, no doubt, much
oftener springs from internal causes, than immediately from those
that are external: with affectionate friends, affluent circumstances,
and while in the possession of all the world calls good, one may be
very miserable. Happiness is very much in our power; for it depends
much more upon what we are, than upon what we have. But now I cannot
help laughing at myself; for at this instant, while recommending
contentedness to you, I am indulging an internal murmur, and vexing
at what I ought to account a trifle, so much easier is it to talk, or
to write, than to act!
The tendency
of
the education bestowed upon his children by their father was, as I
have already said, to give them a taste for every branch of knowledge
that can well be made the subject of early instruction. This general
taste was greatly promoted among them about this time — that is, when
Jane was in her sixteenth year, by his delivering to a number of
young persons, who were in part his pupils, a course of scientific
lectures, which were attended by many of their friends. These
lectures were rendered interesting by numerous graphic illustrations
of every subject; and in the preparation of these diagrams, my father
was assisted by his children, who were thus familiarized in the
readiest way with the topics of each lecture. Though Jane's peculiar
taste was of a different order, she entered with the fullest zest
into these pursuits; and ever retained a relish for matters of
science. Especially into the less technical and more popular
departments of astronomical science, she entered with a genuine
zest. Her eye was never indifferent to the revelations of night; she
describes her own feelings in the lines:
I used to
roam and
revel 'mid the stars
When in my
attic,
with untold delight,
I watched
the
changing splendours of the night.
Their father
determined to qualify his daughters to provide for themselves the
means of independence, in some way that might be suited at once to
their tastes and capacities, and to his own circumstances. With this
view, no plan seemed more eligible than to instruct them in that
branch of the fine arts in which he himself was proficient; this
being a line in which several women have succeeded in gaining, not
merely independence, but distinction as artists. This plan offered,
at the same time, the advantage — so highly prized by our parents —
of retaining their entire family under the paternal roof; and of
carrying on a home education, while provision was made for their
future welfare.
The actual
consequence of this scheme was not, indeed, such as their father had
intended — that of making his daughters artists by profession; for
after practising engraving during a few years, engagements and duties
of a different kind were opened to them. But the indirect effects of
this artistic training very greatly conduced to fit them for those
very engagements; while it secured some important advantages to the
family. At the time when four of his children were thus placed under
their father's eye, to acquire the knowledge and practice of the
arts, they were already imbued with a keen relish for literary and
scientific pursuits; and conversation, which was freely allowed, was
often of a kind to promote these tastes, and to keep intellect in
activity. During a part of the day some one of the pupils who were
under my father's care read aloud; so that the double object was
almost constantly pursued — of acquiring the means of ultimate
independence, and of carrying on intellectual cultivation: nor at any
time were the pressing engagements connected with the first object
allowed wholly to interrupt the pursuit of the second.
In this
scene of
united employment and of mutual education, was formed that endeared
family friendship, which was the source of their best enjoyments
during the years that the sisters and brothers remained undivided at
home; and which continued to be their solace after they were
separated. Many passages occurring in the subjoined selection from
her correspondence, evince how fully and how warmly Jane participated
in the pleasures of this home friendship. In truth, her feelings of
family affection were so strong as to form a leading feature in her
character, and to require, therefore, distinct mention.
Lest their
occupation in their father's studio should produce any distaste or
inaptness for ordinary womanly cares, the two girls alternately took
a share in domestic duties, and their mother's solicitude that they
should be thoroughly conversant with such employments was not
disappointed; for not even the excitement of subsequent literary
pursuits, ever impaired the domestic tastes and habits which were
thus acquired. Jane — far from being the mere literary lady, averse
to household concerns — was not only happy to be occupied with them,
but became really a proficient in employments of this sort.
My sister's
taste
for the arts was such as to make her excel in their lighter branches;
and many of her drawings, still in possession of her family, display
a true feeling for the beautiful in nature, and a peculiar minute
truthfulness and delicacy of execution; but the art of engraving was
not altogether suited to her talent or taste, and it was relinquished
without regret, when other paths of exertion opened out before her.
In a letter of an early date, she says: "The more I see of
myself, and of the performances of others, the more I am convinced
that nature never intended me for an artist ... No one can tell how
my feelings are excruciated, when I am referred to, or my opinion
asked, as an artist. I look at the girls in the milliners' shops with
envy, because their business and their genius are on a level. I think
it is what I shall come to at last."
All the
intervals
of time between the stated hours of employment in engraving, were
very carefully husbanded. Early rising was the custom of the family;
and the morning and evening hours, during the winter, were employed,
either in literary pursuits, or in the maintenance of friendly
correspondence; so that as few moments as can be imagined were lost
from the day.
In
mentioning
family arrangements, and in detailing the lesser circumstances which
gave their colouring to my sister's mind, or which may be necessary
to be understood, to explain the allusions occurring in her
correspondence, it is almost impossible to avoid what I would fain
avoid — giving the history of a family along with that of one of its
members.
Our
pleasures were
always of a social kind: at intervals, during the winter months, we
were accustomed to spend the whole evening together, while my mother
read aloud; and each was occupied with some lighter work of the
pencil. Simple and easily procured as were these pleasures, they have
been remembered with more delight than, perhaps, often follows the
most exciting amusements.
In a letter
to her
earliest friend, Jane Watkinson, my sister says: "We continue to
pursue our employments with regularity, seldom or ever encroaching on
the usual hours. And though we sometimes wish our confinement was
less, I believe we enjoy a greater proportion of happiness than many
who live a life of apparent ease and pleasure. We find it is
employment that gives recreation its greatest charm; and we enjoy
with a double relish little pleasures which, to those who are already
fatigued with doing nothing, appear tiresome or uninteresting. When I
see people perpetually tormented with ennui — satiated with amusement —
indifferent to every object of interest, I indeed congratulate
myself that I have not one spare moment, in which these demons can
assail me. You, my dear Jane, know the pleasures of industry; and you
know that it is essential to our real happiness."
To another
friend
she writes: “I feel with you the approach of winter; and though I
have not to apprehend from it the distressing effects which you
experience, yet the loss of our delightful evening walks — the
desolate garden — the decayed vegetation — the shortening days — all
tend rather to depress than to enliven. Yet I have much to love in
winter; and I can truly say I enjoy the hours of quiet industry it
always introduces. Ann and I often remark to each other that,
whatever agreeable recreations we may occasionally indulge in, and
much as we really enjoy them, we are never so happy as when steadily
engaged in the room where we engrave; that is our paradise: you may
smile at the comparison, and we know the inconveniences connected
with our engagements there; but use reconciles us to them; and
experience teaches us that comfort and happiness are compatible with
these apparent inconveniences: we have every inducement to industry,
and we are thankful that that which is necessary, is also agreeable
to us. We want nothing but a little more society: one congenial
family within our reach would be a treasure: for though we do love
each other, and enjoy each other's society greatly; yet there are
times when we long to recreate our wearied spirits with an
intelligent friend."
During
the summer our family parties were carried to some little distance in
the country; and indeed, whenever weather permitted, the sisters and
their brothers walked together. Jane records in many of her letters
the happiness she tasted in these summer evening rambles. They served
not merely the purpose of recruiting health and spirits; but tended
greatly to cement the friendship to which the brothers, especially,
have thought themselves indebted for the most important advantages.
At the same time, a taste for the beauties of nature was roused and
cherished, by the interchanged expression of delight in these
ever-new sources of enjoyment. The superstitions of the heart also
were respected among us; and birth-days were generally given up to
social pleasures. Our family, at this time, was much secluded from
extraneous society. The circle of my sister's early friends had been
broken up, by the death of several of those who formed it, and the
removal of others; and an interval of three or four years elapsed
before those friendships were formed of which the letters soon to be
introduced, were the fruits. During this interval, the family learned
to look within itself, almost entirely, for social pleasures. This,
while it tended, as has been mentioned, to cherish family affection,
must be confessed to have produced a rather exclusive feeling, which
was afterwards not easily broken up; and when, subsequently, distant
friendships were formed, that were in the highest degree gratifying
and exciting, an unfavourable feeling towards less congenial society
nearer home, was perhaps increased. In Jane's mind this exclusive
feeling was augmented by an extreme diffidence, and by a thousand
nice sensibilities, which neither a wider intercourse with the world,
nor the measure of public favour she attained, ever entirely
overcame. To the last, she would always gladly retreat from general
society to the bosom of her family; or to the circle of those few
friends whom she intimately knew and loved. Yet whatever feelings of
reserve might belong to my sister's character, I think it will not be
said by any who knew her, that her behaviour ever indicated
intellectual arrogance, or supercilious indifference towards persons
whose worth might want the embellishments of education. Her distaste
for vulgarity of sentiment and manners was strong; but intrinsic
goodness never suffered in her esteem from the mere deficiency of
mental adornments. In explaining her conduct on some particular
occasion, in a letter to her mother, she says: "At any rate, my
dear mother, do not accuse me of vanity and arrogance, which I from
my very heart disclaim. If, in comparison with some of my friends,
others of them may appear less pleasing or less intelligent, believe
me, whenever I compare any with myself, the result is humiliating.
And perhaps nothing is less likely to raise any one highly in my
esteem than their 'writing at the rate I do': my dear mother, do me
the justice to believe that, at whatever crevice my vanity may
endeavour to peep out, it will ever fly from the literary corner of
my character. I am not indifferent to the opinion of any one; though
I never expect to acquire that sort of philosophic serenity which
shall enable me to regard the whole circle of my acquaintance with
the same glow of affection, or smile of complacency."
Whenever
the health or the interests of those dear to her were at stake, the
vigour of Jane's mind was roused; her diffidence, her reserve,
disappeared; and she exhibited not only disinterestedness, but a high
degree of spirit and courage. In times of family affliction, the
keenness of her sympathy made her actually a fellow-sufferer with
those who suffered; especially if life seemed threatened, she endured
the torture of tender apprehension, to a degree that always impaired
her own health. These dispositions were exercised during the autumn
of the year 1801. At that time the scarlet fever prevailed very
generally in the town; and in many instances with fatal result. It
entered our own family; the eldest girl and three of her brothers
being all attacked by it. DECIMUS, the youngest, a boy about six
years of age, took the infection at school, and after less than a
week's illness became its victim.
In the
letter to
her mother, a portion of which has just been quoted, Jane, for the
first time, makes an allusion to her literary engagements in the
words — "writing at the rate I do". It was about this time,
that the earliest of the Original Poems were composed,
and those with whom those Poems
have been in favour may feel pleasure
in learning under what circumstances most of the pieces were actually
written. This curiosity may now be gratified, for the lapse of more
than sixty years allows me now to speak of the family habits and
usages with less reserve than I felt when at the first these Memoirs
were given to the public. I have never been a visitor in any family
in which the occupation of every moment of the day, by every member
of it, was carried to so high a pitch as it was under my father's
roof. I have nowhere else seen the merest fragments of time so
sedulously employed; and yet this incessantness of labour did not
bring upon the family any feeling of bondage or restraint; sedulous,
energetic industry was the pervading spirit of the family: none were
urged or driven onward; each one seemed to move forward, as from an
individual impulse — an internal spring.
In
recalling now what were my father's daily, weekly, and yearly
achievements in his many lines of labour, I can think of them only
with amazement. That which, as a boy, I witnessed, and which then
seemed to me only natural and easy — which seemed only a part of the
ordinary course of things — I should now contemplate with wonder. His
occupations as an artist were never intermitted or abated. The
laborious preparations which he made for the pulpit — the piles of
books which he filled in carrying forward these systematic
preparations, would have seemed business enough for any man. As a
pastor he visited his people regularly, and affectionately; he was
also a constant village preacher: he was the most constant attendant
at ministers' meetings; and never was he wanting in his elaborate
essay, when his turn came to produce his contribution in this way. He
had pupils, at home and abroad; he delivered frequent lectures; and,
in addition to all this constant toil, he set himself a task, which
by itself might seem almost the work of a lifetime, in systematizing
and in carrying out the education of his own family. I should fear
not to be believed if I were to describe in detail the voluminousness
of his Educational Course, as to its apparatus; it was indeed
prodigious. No doubt some branches of this scheme might have been
lopped off without much damage to the culture of his
daughters' minds. For example — it can scarcely be thought
indispensable to the intellectual training of girls in
their
teens, that they should be familiar with the terms and the principles
of Fortification! But I have now before me some of the first rough
copies of the Original Poems
and the Hymns for
Infant Minds. These world-wide compositions were first written
on the margins of engraved plans of fortified towns; and Jane's own
hand had duly filled in the words: "glacis”, "counterscarp",
"bastions", "fosse", "lines of circumvallation", and the rest.4
The mode of
treating any such subject — Geography, Anatomy, Fortification, or
what not, was this: a plate, quarto size, was engraved from a drawing
that had been carefully made by my father. Reams, and reams again, of
paper were printed from these plates: the prints were done up in
books of a dozen each, and a book was given to each pupil — girls and
boys alike: these engravings were blank outlines; each of the dozen
was coloured, and then the names were written in. By the time a pupil
had filled in two or three of these books, it might be presumed that
he or she had acquired a tolerable familiarity with the nomenclature
of the particular subject in hand. Just now some of these
copper-plates are before me; the human skeleton: is it likely that
after such a drilling, continued year after year, I should have
forgotten the relative position of Tibia, or Fibula, or Patella, or
should possibly confound the Ulna with the Radius, the Sternum with
the Clavicle?
In entering
the
breakfast-room, my father brought under his arm a drawing-case, which
he lodged on a side table. The moment that he had finished his own
breakfast, and while my mother continued her reading aloud, he
commenced drawing — probably a flower from Nature, just brought in
from the garden: his performances in this line were of great
excellence: this drawing lesson, when completed, went to its place in
a folio with many like it, in its turn to be duly copied by ourselves
in some future drawing hour. So it was in everything, great and
small, so it is that I find among the family stores of years passed —
roses — cowslips — pinks — beautifully depicted; and also, which
were the labours of years, copybooks filled with careful construings
of the Hebrew of almost every text from the Old Testament which my
father commented upon in the pulpit. Thus it was that in our
home-life, and in all that concerned it, instants were made the most
of! All these things we witnessed, and we took our part in them; and
in our simplicity we believed that the world around us was travelling
along parallel roads, at the same speed!
Nearly the
whole
of my sisters' part in the Original
Poems, the Nursery
Rhymes, and the rest of their early works, were written in
minutes, or in half-hours, redeemed from other occupations to which
much more importance was attached in their own view, as well as in
that of their parents.
Chapter
IV: New friendships, and
literary engagements
IN
the spring of the following year, Jane visited London, for the first
time since her childhood. It was during this visit that were
commenced those lasting and inestimable friendships from which she
derived, through the remainder of her life, so much of the highest
enjoyment; and to which she was wont to attribute the happiest
influence upon her character. This visit was, in a manner, the
commencement of a new era both to her heart and understanding: she
was then in her nineteenth year, and was prepared, by sensibilities
of the liveliest kind, as well as by the long privation of social
pleasures, except those found at home, to enjoy to the full an
introduction to a new circle. In this circle, I may venture to say,
was found a not very common assemblage of excellence — in goodness,
refinement, and intelligence. Most of the young friends with whom she
had hitherto been connected, were well educated and intelligent; but
among her new friends were some who would have been distinguished in
any circle by their brilliant
qualities of mind: they were, moreover, most of them, firm in their
belief, and influenced by deep religious convictions. Among them, the
alteration from literary to religious conversation was not felt to be
difficult, or chargeable with incongruity. Instead of seeing, as she
had before too often seen, a marked separation between intellect and
religion, she now saw them so united as to give attractiveness to the
one, and the highest elevation to the other.
She did not take
her place among her new friends as an aspirant to literary
distinction. Her literary faculty had not yet been so called forth as
to give her repute among her friends, or to be felt by herself as a
decided gift. She failed not, however, strongly to interest those to
whom she was now introduced, or to make subsequent intercourse fully
as much desired on the one part as on the other. Friendships formed
at the very age of romance, are very commonly broken up when the
illusions on which they were founded are dissipated: but the
friendships formed at this time by my sister, were broken up only by
death.
Although her
disposition rendered her peculiarly averse to anything having the
nature of competition or rivalry, yet she could not but feel,
indirectly, the stimulating influence of the friendships she now
enjoyed; for they were precisely of the sort most likely to rouse her
powers, and to render the exercise of them a means of winning
pleasures which she valued more highly than any gratification of
literary vanity. I think I may affirm that a very principal
incentive, or perhaps the principal incentive to her poetical
efforts, at least till the hope of doing good in the world became a
prominent motive, was the desire of enhancing the regard of the few
friends whom she loved. A sentiment of this kind so frequently occurs
in the course of her correspondence, that it cannot be doubted to
have been a leading motive with her. Nor, indeed, did it seem in any
degree impaired after she had been exposed to excitements which too
often injure the better feelings of the heart. To be loved, was, to
her, a pleasure of incalculably higher price than to be admired. She
first wrote in order to cherish the affection of her friends and
when, afterwards, she felt the obligation of a more serious motive,
that of making a faithful employment of the talent committed to her;
still that first feeling being most congenial to her character,
continued to yield her the sweetest reward of her labours.
It is not always
that a sphere of usefulness is chosen, and entered upon, by the
deliberate determination of the agent. He who gives to all their
work, not only chooses who shall serve Him, but leads those whom He
calls into His service, in a path of which, when they enter upon it,
they know not the direction. Ambitious minds may devise schemes big
with importance, which they imagine themselves destined to execute;
but it is seldom that such schemes are borne onward by the prospering
breath of Heaven!
Certainly, it was
with no ambitious intentions, nor even with the expectation of ever
being heard of as authors beyond the immediate circle of their
friends, that my sisters first wrote for the press. The circumstances
which led them to do so were, in themselves, trivial; nor were they
quick to attach any great importance to this new occupation. Jane
wrote chiefly because she was accustomed, in everything, to be her
sister's companion and partner. She did not readily admit the idea
that she was responsible for the exercise of a peculiar talent. This
impression did, however, after a while, gain its influence, and
throughout the latter years of her life she wrote under a powerful
sense of duty in this respect. I know it was her constant practice,
whenever she took up the pen to write for the press, to ask guidance
and assistance from Him, from whom "every good and every perfect
gift descends". Yet she never enjoyed the comfort of believing
that she had done well in the charge committed to her; for both
constitutional diffidence and Christian humility inclined her to
renounce every assumption of merit.
The first piece of
Jane's which appeared in print was a contribution in the Minor's
Pocket Book, for the year 1804. It will be found among the
poetical pieces which accompany this volume. The pathos, simplicity,
and sprightliness of The
Beggar Boy,
even though the verse is fettered by the necessity of introducing a
list of incongruous words, attracted much more attention than is
often the lot of productions appearing in so humble a walk of
literature. Her sister Ann had contributed to the same publication
for several preceding years, and had gained notice. The authors of
these verses became the subjects of inquiry; and it was not doubted
by those who were competent to calculate the probable success of
literary enterprises, that a volume of pieces, exhibiting the same
vivacity, truth of description, good taste, and sound views, would
secure public favour.
Their
father did indeed regard with pleasure the new engagements of his
daughters, and yet it was with some anxiety, for he was strongly
averse to the idea of their becoming authors by profession. He,
therefore, favoured their literary occupations only so far as these
might consist with the predominance of those pursuits, which he
considered to afford much more safe and certain means of
independence. Nor did their mother (who then would have thought
nothing more improbable than that she herself should become known as
a writer) look with less distrust upon the effect of these new and
exciting engagements. They were therefore carried on under just so
much restriction as composed, either before the regular occupations
of the day had commenced, or after they had been concluded. It was
for the most part, after a day of assiduous application that the
pieces contained in the volumes of Original
Poems, and Rhymes
for the Nursery, were written: nor was it, I think, till a much
later period, that they ever permitted themselves the indulgence of
an entire day given to the labours of the pen.
Under restrictions
such as these, many of the most useful, and some even of the most
admired literary works have been produced. It is true, that to those
who are at once urged and impeded on the course of intellectual
labour, such circumstances seem altogether unfavourable; and they are
fain to acknowledge that, if freed from the fetter, and exempted from
the goad, genius would make a wider circuit, and bring home richer
treasures. But this supposition may not be well founded: for so vague
are the spontaneous efforts of the mind, and so much more painful is
the effort necessary for useful production, than that of which most
minds are at all capable when free from urgent motives — that these
seemingly unfavourable circumstances ought, in many cases, to be
welcomed as the stimulus necessary to put the mind in full activity.
Their mother thus
refers to the early literary engagements of her daughters.
During
these various scenes, the talents of our two girls still continued
farther to develop themselves. The little pieces which they had sent
to the Minor's Pocket Book,
induced the publisher to inquire
who the authors were: he then applied to them for any pieces they
might possess. These they collected and sent, receiving ten pounds
for them, and afterwards five, with a promise of fifteen more for a
second volume. The arrival of the first sum was an interesting and
memorable event.
The
little volume of Original Poems for
Infant Minds, “by
several young persons”, was found to be highly acceptable to
children, and so useful in the business of early education, that, in
a very short time, it obtained an extensive circulation. It was
quickly reprinted in America, and translated into the German and
Dutch languages. What share of this success belongs to each of the
contributors to the volume, could not be ascertained, even if to make
the inquiry were of any importance. Jane, for her part, was ever
forward to surrender all praise to others.
The
success of this volume presently suggested the production of a
second, of a similar kind; and the young writers, gratified by the
unexpected favour they had won, readily listened to the wishes of
parents and children. Although children will not be long entertained,
or effectively instructed by mere dullness, yet it is true that even
the more intelligent of them may be entertained, and to a certain
extent instructed, by what is very trivial, or is very much deformed
by style. But it is happy when the power of pleasing children, and of
strongly engaging their attention, is so united with good taste and
delicate tact in the choice of embellishments, and correct judgment,
and sound principle in all that bears upon morals, as to give to such
productions those merits that, in the work of education, are of
higher importance than perhaps any other excellences. For, to furnish
reading, without vulgarizing the taste, or contaminating the
imagination, or enfeebling the judgment, in those faults of or
perverting the feelings, is a high praise in those who write for the
young.
A part of my
sister's contributions to some of these little works, was composed
under rather peculiar circumstances, which must here be narrated;
because they served to mature her character, and to exhibit its solid
excellences in a somewhat new and difficult situation.
Chapter
V. Alarm of invasion – flight to Lavenham
DURING
the autumn and winter of the year 1808, the alarm of a French
invasion (and it has since been ascertained that it was a
well-founded alarm) prevailed throughout the country, and especially
along the eastern and southern coasts. Colchester was, at that time,
a principal military station: the incessant movements, therefore, of
a large body of troops, held always in a state of readiness to meet
the expected enemy, tended of itself to keep alive a constant
impression of the impending danger; besides this, the military
persons who were in command of the station, took pains to excite the
popular fears. Every day some whispered intimation of immediate
danger from "the best authority" was circulated through the
town, till a strong and general impression prevailed that the
immediate neighbourhood might, very probably, become the scene of the
first conflict with the invaders. In this state of public feeling,
not a few of those of the inhabitants whose means allowed them to do
so, either left the town for a time,
or made such arrangements as should enable them to leave it at an
hour's notice.
At this time the
house which, as has been mentioned, my father owned at Lavenham, was
without a tenant this circumstance seemed to invite the step which
the fears of the time suggested — that of removing a part of the
family thither, where a home would be always in readiness for those
who remained, should it be needed. No material difficulty prevented
the execution of this plan, and it was determined that Jane, with two
of her brothers, and an infant sister, should remove to the vacant
house. This separation of the family took place in the middle of
October.
So great was the
confidence placed by her parents in Jane's discretion and ability,
that they committed this divided portion of their family to her care
without anxiety; nor was their confidence disappointed in any
instance. Jane, though gifted with uncommon vivacity of spirit, was
thoughtful and provident in a degree rarely found at her age; she
was then only twenty. I can remember her active, laborious, and
well-concerted management of our little establishment. Such was her
industry, that the new cares of a family were suffered but in a small
degree to infringe upon the customary hours devoted to engraving; nor
these upon her literary engagements; for her winter evenings were
assiduously occupied in composing her share of some little works
which soon after appeared.
The
characteristics of Jane's mind, and of her mother's too, are
displayed in the letters which passed between Lavenham and Colchester
at this time. It should be said in explanation of some circumstances
alluded to in these letters, that the alarm which had agitated the
public mind for many months, and at Colchester especially, had made
everybody familiar, in imagination at least, with the terrible
confusion to be apprehended from an invasion. Even the wealthy
burgesses of the town had come to talk of shifts and contrivances,
and modes of living, and modes of conveyance, the most unlike their
ordinary style. Much more did those whose means were limited
reconcile themselves to such unusual courses. A start off to the sea,
during the season, might imply a line of post-chaises and what not;
but it was not so when, with Buonaparte on the coast, or near it, the
half of a frugal family was to pioneer the inland flight of the
whole. There was a van or wagon, once or twice in the week, dragging
its cumbrous bulk through deep Suffolk lanes, from Colchester to
Lavenham. In this van places were engaged for four of the family and
their packages — not a few.
At this time there
was a constant stream of soldiers' wives and infants, who had been to
take leave of their husbands in the barracks, and were returning to
their hamlets in Suffolk and the midland counties. The day of the
family exodus from Colchester, this van was nearly filled with a
company of this order. Jane, her brothers and sister, were handed
into their berths in the after-part — call it the quarter-deck of the
vessel whence their prospect outward was over the heads of a score of
good women, most of whom had a baby or two to nurse. The way was long —
at the pace of two miles per hour, or little more, and the autumn
evening came on before the first stage out of town was reached; and a
night — unusually dark, so we thought it — made needful the one
lanthorn over the shafts, which gave the driver a chance of keeping
to the road. It was late when the welcome announcement roused the
party from their unquiet sleep, that a hospitable house had been
reached. Jane's first letter to her mother was as follows:
LAVENHAM
MY DEAR MOTHER,
We
are all safe and well this morning, which is a matter to me both of
thankfulness and surprise. We had, indeed, a sorry journey. Upwards
of twenty inside; and each woman had a young child. They were,
indeed, of the lowest sort, but they were civil creatures. Our party
appeared to excite some surprise amongst them. "I dare say they're
only going on a frolic," said one: "No, no," said another, "that they
aren't, by her grieving." It was droll to see, when we
first set off, that the whole party were in tears, for the women were
soldiers' wives just parting from their husbands, not knowing whether
they should ever meet again; and it was a long time before they dried
their tears. But what we suffered with heat, smells, and bad language
during the day, was nothing to what we suffered when night came on.
The road bad — the wagon so loaded that we expected to break down,
and the horses so tired, that they could scarcely get on. The drivers
were frightened, and you may be sure the passengers were so. However,
at half-past nine, we arrived at Mr. Langley's door; for they would
not drive to ours, and we found them waiting for us with much
anxiety, and more kindness. They would not hear of our going home
that night, and had prepared beds for us. Mrs. Langley was very
poorly, and had gone to bed; but we had a nice supper, and went to
bed, glad indeed to get there, for I had been terribly ill the whole
day ... but we are now all well, and much refreshed by our night's
rest. Our coming has excited much surprise, and some alarm. We have
been this morning and have seen everything safely unpacked at our
house. The little parlour with a nice fire, though unfurnished, looks
very comfortable, and we are quite in good spirits. The Langleys are
really too kind. They insist on our breakfasting here this morning,
and Mrs. L. presses us to dine, but that we shall not do ... Mrs L.
is very uneasy; all her friends live near the coast. Pray let us know
how the alarm goes on. Our garden is a wild paradise. What noble
willows! I am quite faint for my
breakfast, therefore adieu for the present.
The house stood in
one of the least frequented parts of the town — the garden abutting
upon a common, and the house, being only in part occupied, and
scantily furnished, the aspect of things within, as well as without,
was very much in harmony with the feelings of terror under which we
had sought this asylum. Jane exhibited on this occasion the strength
of her mind; for although she was peculiarly subject to impressions
of fear, both from real and imaginary dangers, such was her
resolution, and such the force of principle, that, without wishing to
retreat from her situation, she endured (what those who have more
physical courage never endure) the terrors of a susceptible, and
strongly excited imagination. This is indeed the courage of women;
and it may be questioned whether, in the possession and exercise of
this high quality, the weaker sex does not often surpass the
stronger.
Yet
our banishment was by no means without its enjoyments; for Jane, who
had a genuine domestic taste, soon gave an air of comfort to the part
of the house which we occupied: and we received, during our stay, the
kindest attentions from several families with which ours had been on
terms of intimacy while formerly resident at Lavenham. I may here
insert a few extracts from letters written by my sister at this time.
To her friend Jane Watkinson she writes:
I believe Mrs. W. has
received from Ann a full account of our late flight to Lavenham,
where, after the first alarm had subsided, we found a very pleasant
and comfortable asylum, for some months. Though we felt it a little
mortifying, that our neighbour Buonaparte should have it in his power
to give us such a thorough panic, and so completely to derange all
our affairs, yet, I own, I enjoyed my residence in the old spot
exceedingly. Being in our own house, and for so long a time, I began
to fancy myself once more an inhabitant; and it was not without pain
that I took leave of a place that will ever be dear to me. During our
stay at Lavenham, I took some delightful walks: perhaps you have by
this time forgotten most of them. I found it highly interesting to
tread once more the oft-trod paths; and to recognise many a spot that
had been the scene of former enjoyments. I know not whether to you it
is so; but with me, no local attachments are so strong as those
formed in childhood ...
LAVENHAM,
October 18th,
1803
MY DEAR MOTHER,
We
have safely received your parcels and letters; which were very
acceptable to us. I am now quite comfortably settled in my new house;
and feel as if I had taken up my station here for a constancy. I
manage capitally, as you may suppose; and "give satisfation". I
rise (I am sorry I cannot use the plural number) between six and
seven, and get everything in order before breakfast, but with all my
endeavours I cannot begin engraving before eleven; to which I sit
down again half an hour after dinner. We keep school very regularly;
and Jemima comes on, both in reading and work. As to economy, I study
it as much as possible; and, for our employments — they are certainly
broken in upon at present; but will be less and less so, as we get
more settled. We have not indulged in one walk yet; though the
country and weather have been beautifully inviting: but we sit at the
bow window next the garden; and quite enjoy ourselves.
From a letter of a later
date a few sentences may be extracted: "I write this in hopes of
your having it in time for the carrier, that you may know what things
we most want. Of news I have none; and should not have written now,
but for the news above-mentioned. Thank you for the carpet; it is
quite a luxury to us. Although we brought everything absolutely
necessary we have few conveniences; and though, if we were all
huddled together in a barn, expecting the French to overtake us every
instant, we might be very well contented with:
An open broken elbow
chair;
A caudle-cup without an
ear; etc;
yet, living
quietly, like our neighbours, we rather miss the conveniences we have
been used to. I must confess we did not fast on the fast day; we
went, however, in the morning to the prayer meeting, where we heard
an excellent prayer from Mr. Meeking, of three-quarters of an hour —
its length spoiled it; for we were all ready to faint. In the
afternoon, we walked with the children. I thank you and father for
what you say about walking; but really we seem very little to need
more exercise than we have in the house and garden, where the
children play continually. If we take a walk once or twice a week,
just to look at the old places, and show the children the new ones,
it is quite sufficient."
The following
letter appears to have been written soon after the arrival of the
party at Lavenham:
LAVENHAM,
MY DEAR MOTHER,
I sit down to
charm you with an account of the kindness of our friends; but first I
will tell you for your comfort that all the china, etc, etc, is
safely unpacked, and locked up in the buffet. We came directly after
breakfast and arranged everything comfortably. Mr. Hickman called
about eleven; walked round the garden, and directed us how to manage
it; and then we had a long consultation as to how to open the little
parlour shutter, which at last by dint of hammers and screw-drivers
we effected, and no sooner was it done, than we beheld, what I think
must have been a million of flies, that, I suppose, having heard of
Buonaparte's intentions had, like ourselves, taken up their winter
quarters here. We consulted with Mr. H. on the propriety of having
anybody in the house; but he says there is no need; that there is no
such thing as housebreaking in Lavenham. He only remembers one
instance many years ago, at Lingley, and then, the man being hanged,
so much terror was excited, that no one has ventured since in the
same line. Isaac thinks Lavenham very desolate, but he is much
pleased with the house, and charmed with the Hickmans. We had so many
of that lady's customary speeches to-day, that we could hardly help
laughing: "Oh, Mr. Taylor, I must show you that print your father
gave me, before I went to America," said Mr. H., and brought it in
directly. "Dear Mr. Hickman," said Mrs. H, "Master Taylor had better
see it where it hangs," and then led us into her elegant
drawing-room. They were much pleased with the children, who behaved
very well. They have a high idea, they say, of your method of
managing a family. Everybody treats us with great attention: nobody
laughs at us for coming; most think it quite right. Our letter
excited much alarm; everybody has heard of it. The people by their
inquiries seem to think we have been admitted to Buonaparte's privy
council. "There are the Taylors," we hear people whisper as we go
along, and they stare at us till we are out of sight. The town is
quite in a bustle to-day; the fair much fuller than we expected. We
saw people coming in crowds from the Bilstone road to it ... Any
letter you send (by post) except on Sunday, will reach Lavenham the
next day. Pray write directly, if there's any news, good or bad.
Your affectionate
JANE
Jane during the
winter made an exchange with her mother and sister; she returning for
a time to Colchester; and they taking her place at Lavenham. Thus she
writes, dating:
COLCHESTER,
January 19th, 1804
MY
DEAR MOTHER,
... By father's
directions I will proceed to answer some of the points in your
letter, which appear to us very answerable ... The good people at
Lavenham seem to us to go a little too far in their assertions; how,
for instance, can they affirm that Buonaparte never threatened us,
when, besides the immense army so long collected on the coast, which
we know was called the Army of England, (and what was that but a
threat?) did he not declare to Lord Whitworth, that he would settle
the dispute on the banks of the Thames? And was not that a threat?
Besides numberless other instances in which we cannot have been
totally misinformed. What do you mean by saying their numbers are
inconsiderable? Are there not certainly 200,000 men collected on the
coast, besides large armies in other parts of France? And it appears
to us a little inconsistent that people should at one time maintain
that Buonaparte never intended, or thought of invading us, and then,
that if we were not so much prepared to oppose them they certainly
would invade us! As to the French army being in winter quarters, we
have never heard it, nor do we believe it; and, as to all danger
being over for the winter, very strong expectations have been raised
about this day month; and Heath has very lately had fresh orders from
Government to make provision in Cambridgeshire; as they are
considerably expected on the Norfolk coast, and to come round through
Cambridge.
We
think it looks very like a Providential interposition that the
weather has been so remarkably and unusually mild. They say in
Holland that their ports not icing frozen is almost unexampled, and
indeed it appears nearly as remarkable as the Waal being frozen when
the French took Holland. Though at Colchester there are many
unbelievers and laughers; there are many too who still entertain
strong fears. Henry Thorn, for one, firmly believes they will come,
and advises us not to return. The Stapletons have returned, on
account of their school — by no means because they think the danger
is over. The King's camp equipage is come to Chelmsford, and the
Bishop of Worcester's palace (at Worcester) is preparing for the
Royal family to fly to. A telegraph, which will cost 1000 pounds is
now erecting at our barracks. Do all these things look as though all
danger were over? As to this being a garrison town, it is of no use
at all, unless it were forged, which is not the case with any town in
England; and Colchester, as a considerable town, and one so near the
coast, must be more likely to attract the enemy, than an obscure
out-of-the-way place like Lavenham.
The following
letter from her mother to Jane, must have been written late in this
autumn.
Thursday, 10
o'clock
MY SWEET DARLINGS,
Your
epistle received last night was truly refreshing — it gratified us in
so many points that we read it twice over, and it is now on the road
to London to gratify our dear friends there. Your management is
unexceptionable, is admirable — save in one point; and now I am going
to scold most heartily. You boast that you have not taken one walk
since you have been there! More shame for you. I wonder you dared to
mention such a thing. No exercise! Perhaps you will say you have
enough with the household affairs; but where is Isaac's? Where is the
children's? Shame on you! Your father was quite surprised at it, and
desires me to say that he expects you to walk every day when the
weather will permit, for an hour; also see that the children run in
the garden. Are they good? I hope Jeff's education is not at a stand,
and that he keeps school-hours. I am very sorry it is not in my power
to send you a seed-cake; but on Tuesday, when we should have baked,
we could get no yeast: yesterday you know was fast-day; we therefore
cannot bake before to-morrow; I promise then to send you one next
week. As for the linen, by all means have it washed at Lavenham. Send
me home everything that wants mending: pray let nothing get out of
repair, but send it home at once. As for kitchen-utensils, you must
first tell me what you want. I thought you had taken all necessaries;
however, I will accommodate you to the best of my power when I know
your wants. And now for news: all here is perfectly quiet, and still
no thinking people at all doubt our being invaded; but as to their
success there are different opinions: the foolish and uninformed,
which you know in Colchester is by much the greatest part, now laugh
at the late alarm — laugh at those who have left the town — laugh at
General Craig — laugh at everything, and think all as safe and secure
as if they were in the Garden of Eden: sure this is not one of those
awful still calms before a violent storm; certain it is that General
Craig is still indefatigable in spite of all laughing; the Butter
Market is being walled up to make a guard-house; and everything goes
on with the utmost vigour. Yesterday was the Fast; the volunteers,
mayor, etc, all went to St. James's to hear Mr. Round, who preached
from the Maccabees! Your father entered, for the first time in his
life, most seriously and earnestly into the spirit of the fast. He
took one half-round of toast at breakfast, and no dinner: I took no
breakfast, save half a pint of water, and a very little dinner; no
cloth laid: and Martin and Kitty were very compliant. Your father and
Martin went to meeting in the morning; in the afternoon we read and
prayed at home; and in the evening had a lecture at our own place. I
chose the text; it was this David's words to Goliath of Gath, "Thou
comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield, but I
come to thee in the name of the Lord of Hosts, the God of the armies
of Israel, whom thou hast defied." It was a wonderful discourse.
The people came about your father in the vestry, and begged him to
have it printed; several of them saying they "would be five shillings
towards the expense". His comparison between Goliath of Gath and
Buonaparte was ingenious: Goliath has three significations,
Revolution, Captivity, and Passing over: he dwelt some time on his
armour, his target, his spear like a weaver's beam, compared to the
amazing preparations now made to invade us: on the Lord as the God of
Hosts — exhorting to trust in Him as such. He feared, should they
make the attempt, many of our dear countrymen would wallow in their
blood; and expressed himself in the most affectionate terms to those
of the volunteers now before him (in their uniforms), praying the
Lord of Hosts to cover their heads in the day of battle, etc. But I
shall have Gosling call, and must conclude.
I had intended to
send you the other three chairs, but he cannot take them. I will,
however, try him with the little parlour carpet. I think you will be
glad of it; if he cannot take it, Finchman shall, with the chairs,
etc. next week. Your dear father set off this morning for London with
Mrs. Stapleton, the two girls, Joseph, old Stapleton, and Miss B,
who, I rejoice to say (poor thing), is going to be governess to
Butler's children, while school is suspended; so here I am all alone;
but God, who always gives strength for the day, supports my spirits
wonderfully. I am tolerable in health, and Martin is very good; so,
my dear girl, make yourself easy. When your father returns, unless
things should very much alter for the better, his intention is to
send you more and more of his property weekly, and after the wash I
propose with Martin to pay you a visit for a week or two, when Isaac
would return home, and when Martin has continued as long as himself,
he shall return again; so they shall take it in turns. Our dear Ann
shall also pay you a visit, for we see no likelihood of your quitting
your station all the winter, unless something very decisive takes
place. As for the kindness of your friends, we cannot say enough to
express our gratitude. God bless them all, and you my clear dutiful
children, the comforts of my life, the solace of my heart.
Farewell all,
ANN
TAYLOR
Towards
the close of her stay at Lavenham, Jane writes to her mother:
Could
you see us just now, I cannot tell whether you would most laugh at,
or pity us. I am sitting in the middle of the room, surrounded with
bags, chairs, tables, boxes, etc., etc., and every room is the same.
But our brains are in still greater confusion — not knowing now what
to do. Have you heard this new alarm? It is said the French are
actually embarking. Mr. Hickman strongly advises us not to move till
we hear something more. We have at length resolved to wait, at all
events till Saturday; and if you write by return of post, we shall be
able to act then according to your wishes; but in the meantime we
shall be in a most delightful plight, for most of the things are
packed up, ready to go to-morrow: and then, if after all we must
stay, it will be vexatious enough. If you find there is no foundation
for the alarm, you will of course order us home directly. But do not
fail to write, for we are quite deplorable.
And
now, having despatched all my business, let me thank my dear mother
for her wholesome reprimand, which, I hope, will be a lesson for the
future. I feel no inclination to apologize for myself; but
acknowledge, upon reflection, I was wrong — when I wrote I did not
reflect. Yet this I can say: that, whatever opinion I may have formed
of Mr. __, I have never been otherwise than polite to him. What I
said to L. was unpremeditated; and
believe me, if I had thought it probable that she would ever have met
him, I should not have said what I did. Further, I declare I do not
despise the gentleman, and I wrote only for my amusement; though it
should not have been at another person's expense.
The
alarm of invasion scarcely subsided till the spring of the following
year. But at the earliest appearance of returning security, Mr.
Taylor gladly recalled his family to their home; and in the month of
February we were once more united under the paternal roof. The winter
passed at Lavenham, under circumstances of this sort; the mind kept
alive by responsibilities, alarms, and unremitted occupations, and
also the stimulus of new literary engagements, had great influence in
giving strength and energy to Jane's character. In her twentieth year
these various excitements would naturally take more effect upon her
principles and feelings than they would have done ten years later in
life.
Chapter
VI. Extracts from correspondence
ABOUT
this time commenced that series of deaths among her earlier young
friends, to which frequent allusion is made in Jane's letters. The
death of the four lovely sisters, of whom mention has already been
made, was succeeded by that of several other endeared companions. But
while early intimacies were thus dissolved, the more important and
more lasting friendships that had now been formed were strengthened,
and became every year the sources of increased pleasure and
advantage. The summer months were always enlivened by visits from
some of our young friends; and the records which I find among my
sister's papers, of these social enjoyments, show that she derived
from them, both the liveliest delight and the most important
benefits. The interruption occasioned by these visits to ordinary
occupation, was not much greater than was needed to recruit the
spirits, and to prepare the mind for the unremitting occupation of
the winter months; for as soon as evening walks were no longer
practicable, the labours of the pen were eagerly
resumed, and, till the returning summer, rarely suspended.
Reference has been
made above to the reluctant consent which their father and mother
gave to their daughter's literary engagements; and I have said that
the latter would have thought anything probable rather than that she
should herself ever come before the public as an author. This
unthought-of event did, however, actually occur, some years later
than the time now in view. Both father and mother won success in
different lines as authors; and in the list of the various works
productions of the Family Pen, the titles of several works will be
found which, in their day, were received with much favour, and some
of which have maintained their place among books of the same
class
—
up to this present time. My mother was in her fiftieth year when the
volume entitled Maternal
Solicitude
appeared. This book passed
through several editions within three or four years after its first
publication. My father's book, Advice
to the Teens, has also had an
extensive circulation.
Jane's letters to
her young friends will best exhibit her feelings, and describe her
employments at this period.
TO MISS SARAH LUCK
CONDER
COLCHESTER,
December 20th, 18o5
MY DEAR LUCK,
If,
four or five years ago, you had suffered so long a chasm to be made
in our correspondence, I should doubtless have indulged in some such
painful soliloquy as you have prepared for me; or perhaps in a yet
more touching and plaintive strain. But now, enjoying all the sober
rationality of maturer age — now, having happily passed that wild and
fanciful season, by some denominated the silly age — or, at least,
being a degree or two more rational than I was then, I feel far more
disposed to attribute the long intervals to which every
correspondence is liable, to some of those thousand nameless
hindrances which every day presents, and to that inconvenient spirit
of procrastination, of which most of us more or less partake, than to
declining affection, to fickleness, or to affront. Perhaps it may
have occurred to you in the course of this long period, which I fear
has nearly put you out of breath, that I have been speaking one word
for you, and two for myself: it would be very unfair for you to
suppose so; but even should your supposition be just, you will allow
that to afford another person one third of a good thing, that might
have been all one's own, is no mean proportion. But now it will be
making a poor return for all this generosity, if you should become
more than ever remiss in your communications; and then make yourself
easy by thinking that Jane will only impute it to "some nameless
hindrance, or an inconvenient spirit of procrastination".
But now for your
grave and appropriate question, namely: "What do you think of
this famous victory (Trafalgar)?" To
which, after due consideration, I reply: Why, pray, what do you think
of it? for I make little doubt that we have thought much alike on
the subject. Should you, however, question this, and suppose that my
humbler ideas have not stretched to the same height as yours, I will
convince you of the contrary, by endeavouring to recall some of the
reflections that were inspired by this "famous victory".
And first I thought that — it was a very "famous victory";
did not you? And besides this and much more, I thought a great many
things that the newspapers had very obligingly thought, ready for me.
Well, but to speak in a graver strain, and if you are disposed to
hear what I have really thought about our late victories; why read
on:
Now, impressed with the
idea that my private opinion could in no way affect the public weal,
I have allowed myself to form one without restraint; well knowing
that I might vainly attempt to pluck one leaf from the hero's laurel,
even if I were disposed to do so, which I assure you I am not. For
every one who performs his part with zeal and success, claims
respect: and who can deny that Nelson has nobly performed his? But
tell me, is the character of the warrior in itself to be admired? or,
rather, can it be loved? From what motives does a man at first devote
himself to the trade of war? Do you not think it is more often from a
desire of glory than from patriotism? And now, though I have often
endeavoured to discover what there is either amiable or generous in
the love of glory, I have never yet been able to discern it. I cannot
tell how or why it is a less selfish principle than the love of
riches. Is not he in reality the truest patriot who fills up his
station in private life well — he who loves and promotes peace, both
public and private; who, knowing that his country's prosperity
depends much more on its virtue than its arms, resolves that his
individual endeavours shall not be wanting to promote this desirable
end? And is not he the greatest hero who is able to despise public
honours for the sake of private usefulness — he who has learned to
subdue his own inclinations, to deny himself every gratification
inconsistent with virtue and piety, who has conquered his passions,
and subdued his own spirit? Surely he is "greater than he that
taketh a city", or a squadron. If the great men of the earth did
but act on these principles, our heroes would be sadly at a loss for
want of employment; I fear they would be obliged to turn to making
ploughshares and pruninghooks.
Now perhaps you will call
me an ungrateful creature, but really I think I am not so — though,
certainly, I have not joined without some secret misgivings in the
unqualified plaudits that have sounded from all quarters. If so many
brave men must be sacrificed, I heartily rejoice that the dear-bought
victory was ours. But how is it possible, while we regard them not
merely as machines of war, but as immortal beings, to rejoice
without sorrow and dismay in the result of the rencontre? ...
TO THE SAME
COLCHESTER,
February 12th, 1806
... In truth, Jane Taylor
of the morning and Jane Taylor of the evening are as different
people, in their feelings and sentiments, as two such intimate
friends can possibly be. The former is an active handy little body,
who can make beds or do plain work, and now and then takes a fancy
for drawing, etc. But the last-mentioned lady never troubles her head
with these menial affairs; nothing will suit her but the pen; and
though she does nothing very extraordinary in this way, yet she so
far surpasses the first-named gentlewoman, that any one who had ever
received a letter from both, would immediately distinguish between
the two, by the difference of the style. But to drop this ingenious
allegory, I assure you it represents the truth, and I am pretty well
determined not again to attempt letter writing before breakfast. For
really I am a mere machine — the most stupid and dronish creature you
can imagine, at this time. The unsentimental realities of breakfast
may claim some merit in restoring my mental faculties; but its
effects are far surpassed by the evening's tea: after that
comfortable, social, invigorating meal, I am myself, and begin to
think the world a pleasanter place, and my friends more agreeable
people, and entre nous, myself a much more respectable personage,
than they have seemed during the day; so that by eight o'clock I am
just worked up to a proper state of mind for writing. If you are
liable to these changing frames, you will not only excuse and feel
for me, but heartily acquiesce in my resolution of now putting down
the pen till the evening.
It is now indeed evening,
and several days have elapsed since I wrote the foregoing, and I do
assure you that nothing but the fear of being unable to fill another
sheet in time for my father's departure, should prevail with me to
send you so much nonsense. I often reproach myself for writing such
trifling letters; but it is so easy to trifle, and so hard to write
what may be worth reading, that it is a sad temptation not to attempt
it ...
TO THE SAME
COLCHESTER,
May 8th, 1806
My DEAR LUCK,
I have just been taking a
solitary turn round our pretty garden, on this most lovely evening;
and glad should I have been to have enjoyed it in company with my
dear Luck. But as this was a fruitless wish, I thought I could do
nothing better than return to my desk, and spend an hour with you in
this way. Ann and a young friend who is come to stay with us while
father and mother are absent, are going to enjoy this serene sky
abroad; but I have determined to forbear that pleasure, for the sake
of enjoying even this imperfect intercourse with you.
My dear Luck, much as I
love London for the friends it contains, I think my delight in
country scenery increases every year; and while I occasionally cast a
wistful look towards places where I feel a heart interest — feeling
as if imprisoned in this uncongenial spot: yet when I contrast smoke,
and noise, and darkness, with the smiling landscape, and the clear
sky, and all the beauties of a country walk, which is here always
within reach, I forget my privations of other kinds, and acknowledge
that "the lines are fallen to me in pleasant places". I
doubt not that, if I live, the time will come when I shall look back
to our social evening walks here with rapture — or, perhaps, with
agony! I am sure I shall never know happier days than these, though
now, indeed, I am not without my anxieties; but, oh! how much deeper
anxieties may I have to encounter! When I look without, and observe
the portion of affliction which is distributed to others, and more
especially when I look within, and see the mass of vanity and worldly
mindedness which perhaps can be dispelled only by affliction, I
assure you I tremble; and while I look round on my many, many
comforts, not, I hope, without an emotion of thankfulness — I feel
the wisdom of enjoying them now: one link broken in the dear family
chain, and the happiness I now enjoy could, I think, never be
entirely restored; and oh, how soon it may be snapped! What a wide
field for anxiety and distress is a large family, to every member of
which one's happiness seems to cling! Yet we know they are but "short
comforts, borrowed now, to be repaid anon". In this light I
would ever desire to regard them with a feeling of grateful pleasure
as to the present, and of cheerful resignation for the future.
I feel much gratified by
the many expressions of affection contained in your last letter; this
is the sweetest music I can listen to. The voice of affection is
distinct from that of flattery; and I hope the former will ever be
more delightful to me than the latter. To merit the esteem of the few
individuals whose esteem I believe myself to enjoy, is my constant
wish, and almost my highest ambition. I do not know why I have said
almost; for I know nothing more desirable — nothing which could make me
more truly happy.
TO THE SAME
COLCHESTER,
September 24th, 1806
Good morning to you, my dear L.
But if you are,
as I conjecture, enjoying the last grateful slumber, believe me, I
intend not to disturb you; though I own it seems a little hard that I
should be employed so early (for it is only half-past seven) for your
amusement and instruction. And, moreover, that I may have all the
praise that belongs to me, permit me to assure you that I have been
up this hour or more, and have done a great deal of business; while
you, perhaps, have only been struggling with an obstinate dream, that
at last has left you with all its delusions, to awake no wiser or
happier than you were yesterday. If this has been your case, I
heartily sympathise with you; for often has my evil genius thus
tormented me; though, in truth, I have no great right to complain of
him, since I must allow that in my waking dreams I have not
unfrequently practised the same species of torture upon myself.
But to be serious, my
dear L., I do believe that this habit of castle-building is very
injurious to the mind. I know I have sometimes lived so much in a
castle, as almost to forget that I lived in a house; and while I have
been carefully arranging aerial matters there, have left all my solid
business in disorder here. To be perpetually fancying what might be,
makes us forget what we really are; and while conjuring up what we
might have, we are negligent of what we really possess. You will
perceive I am recollecting youthful follies: do not suppose, I
beseech you, that I now indulge in these childish reveries. At my
age, you know, I go soberly on, doing my proper business in its
regular routine. Will you believe that I ever suffer my thoughts to
wander from the employment of my hands? If, for example, I am making
tea, I think about the tea, the tea-pot, the water, the sugar, the
cream, the bread, the butter, and the plate, all in regular
succession; then of the company, when it is proper to make the
customary inquiries — and, think you, at any other times? In short, I
am now a discreet personage, having left all the follies of sixteen
far in the background.
If you remembered Eliza
L. Stapleton, in health, you were, I dare say, much shocked by the
alteration. Poor L. is also on her journey; whether she will ever
reach Exeter is doubtful; if she do, I fear she will survive her
arrival a very short time. You are now witnessing the progress of
this complaint in your cousin. Let me hear continually, when you
write, how she is. E. and L. make six of our immediate friends whom
we have attended in this disorder; besides many others, not so near
to us, who have gone in the same way. That I, who am certainly
delicate, have stood so long, and under many disadvantages, is more
than might have been expected; and I hope excites thankfulness. I
have for some time felt as if waiting for my turn. To hear only that
any of my friends has a cough, alarms me now; and I look round upon
them all with an anxious eye — which of them am I next to lose? ...
TO MISS ELIZA FORBES
COLCHESTER, December 6th,
1806
... And now will you
allow me to call in question the accuracy and justice of some of your
opinions, though formed, as you assure me, on the accumulated
experience of "three-score years and ten". I will not
accuse you of doing the world injustice, for even the peep I have had
at it convinces me that it is, as you say, "deceit and
wickedness"; but surely there are some honest souls — some who are
disinterested, open-hearted, and affectionate; at least, if it is not
so — if those whom I have long thought it my greatest happiness to
love, and whom my unbiassed judgment has taught me to respect and
venerate, I ought rather to suspect and fear — I do not wish to be
undeceived; I would rather be imposed upon ever so often, than endure
the torture of a constant state of suspicion and jealousy. Yes, my
dear Eliza, you must not deprive me of the pleasure of believing I
have a real share in your affections; you must still allow me to
think of you as a friend, without indulging a fear that you will
violate the sacred title. The best use, I think, that we can make of
the many instances of duplicity and insincerity which every day
brings before our view, is to learn thereby to suspect ourselves;
here, indeed, we cannot be too watchful, or too accurate in our
examinations; but, alas! how much easier is it to decide upon the
conduct and motives of others, than to weigh and analyse our own! and
what abundant cause have we for deep humiliation, when we arrive at
the springs of most of our best performances!
The result of such
reflections as these I have found very satisfactory and decisive: I
find that it is quite in vain to attempt to perform any action, to
think any thought, or to cultivate any amiable sentiment aright,
unless it be done with a view to the glory of God, and with a humble
dependence on His supporting hand: of this important truth every day
brings fresh conviction to my mind. I have long mourned over my
temper, naturally irritable and impatient: I have read of, and I have
witnessed, examples of uniform sweetness and meekness of temper,
which have at once made me blush at my own deficiencies, and
stimulated me to those exertions which others have successfully made
in conquering their evil propensities. I have therefore resolved to
make a noble stand against the risings of my temper, whatever
provocations might occur: but alas! how feeble were those
resolutions! perhaps they yielded to the very first attack, and the
work was all to be done anew. What then was to be done? Must I give
all over; and suffer my ungoverned temper to prevail? No; but I must
first seek assistance from One whose "strength is made perfect
in our weakness", who is as able to still the storms of passion,
as to say to the raging waves, “Peace, be still”: I must not hope
to be able to resist the temptations to anger or fretfulness of one
short day, if I have not in the morning of that day prayed to be
enabled to overcome evil. One had better forget to say, "Give us
this day our daily bread”, than to put up the fervent petition,
"Lead me not into temptation".
But this is not all: He
who searches the heart will not afford me strength to overcome my
temper, unless He sees a right motive urging me to attempt it. If I
wish to be amiable for the same reason that I might wish to be
accomplished, or beautiful; that is, that I may be admired, or
beloved, or respected; can I hope for success? Oh no; if I be not
actuated by an humble desire to obey the commands of God, and follow
the bright example of Jesus Christ, by a hatred of all that is
sinful, and an ardent desire to be "holy as He is holy", I
must still strive and pray in vain. How does this increase the
difficulty of the work, and show the absolute necessity of Divine
assistance! Not that I think a modest wish to please can be sinful;
indeed, without it, how can we ever expect to please; but this must
not be the grand spring of action, unless we would prefer the
approbation of our fellow-creatures to the favour of God.
TO MISS S.L. CONDER
COLCHESTER, October 12th, 1807
... In the conversation we had
together at Nayland, you may remember we lamented the trifling style
into which we too often fall in our correspondence. It is undoubtedly
a real evil, though a very common one: as in conversation, so in
writing, it is easier to chat than to converse: it is easier to be
witty than wise. One can fill all sides of a sheet without stopping a
minute, in such a way that one is quite ashamed to peruse it when
done. If the mind is fatigued, or in an uncomfortable frame, what a
labour it is to think! and, at such a time, one is under a strong
temptation to give the pen a full licence — curbing it neither by
reason nor conscience: and what a range will it take when thus left
to itself! But my dear L., is not this making that useless, or at
best a mere diversion, which might be highly beneficial? And is not a
similar fault often chargeable upon personal intercourse? So seldom
as we meet, and so short as are our interviews, what a pity that they
should be trifled away! Whenever we have had a friend with us, I sigh
to think that so few of the hours in which we have had their company
have been occupied by anything like improving conversation. For our
own parts, I think the fault may, in great measure, be traced to our
taste for drollery. I have frequently regarded this propensity as a
misfortune: especially as it is so rarely overcome. I am sure, my
dear L., you have seen enough of it, and of its consequences, to make
you think very much as I do on this subject. Does not a jest
frequently put a stop to an interesting conversation, or dissipate a
train of useful reflections ? And do not droll turns of expression,
or humorous associations, occasionally interfere even with our most
serious engagements? Have not these ideas frequently occurred to you?
But to what does all this tend? Why, I hope to an endeavour towards
reformation: at any rate, I will try this time to write a letter
without trifling.
In your last letter you
just introduced the subject which ought to be more interesting to us
than any other. It is strange, indeed, that those who are united in
the bonds of friendship — as I hope, my dear L., we are, and ever
shall be — and who profess to be journeying together on the same
pilgrimage, towards the same happy home, should so rarely exchange a
word, relative to the difficulties and the dangers of the way, and to
the hope of future rest. It is strange: yet, it is what we see every
day. That unfortunate reserve which closes the lips of so many people
on the subject of religion — whence does it proceed? What other
subject is there, however delicate, but what is sometimes
introduced? But here our lips are sealed. I believe we do ourselves a
great injury by indulging this temper. For my own part, though I
believe few people feel this reluctance more powerfully than I have
done, it has not been the cause of my silence so often as the
discouraging or uncomfortable state of my mind. Oh, could we but feel
as much as we know of the importance and excellency of religion —
could we but retain a just impression of the vanity of even the most
important of our earthly pursuits, how different would be our manners
and conduct! But seeing things as we do, only through the medium of
our beclouded senses, every object is distorted or reversed.
I have lately been
reading Dr.
Watts's Discourses on the
Happiness of Separate Spirits.
It is impossible to peruse them without feeling an elevation of mind
above the trifles of earth — without being inspired by the desire "to
see and taste the bliss": but oh, how soon is the mind sensualized
again — even before one fleeting hour is passed! How does the world
flow in upon it again, after it has been for a while abstracted! ...
TO MR. JOSIAH
CONDER
(Uncertain date.)
It seems a long time
since I held any converse with you; but I will not suffer that
circumstance, especially as it is my own fault, to constrain me now,
since I have every reason to believe you are the same Josiah whom I
have been accustomed to address, and I, alas, remain too much like my
former self! I was going to make some apology for what my letter may
be, from the dullness of my present mood; but I am afraid you will be
tired of this, since, according to my own account, I have never
written my best letter — that, I hope, will not be composed for a
good while to come, and as I may never know which it is when it
comes. How true is our kind friend M__'s remark respecting writing and
answering letters. How often have I felt and lamented it as I found
the thoughts and feelings awakened by a welcome letter, gradually
fading away ere I could secure them, and especially when I find they
are irrecoverably gone at the moment when they are most wanted; but
as this is an inconvenience common to us all, I have no right to make
louder complaints than my neighbours. I would now gladly copy for you
those grateful and eloquent compositions which saw the light,
occasioned by your last letters; but as they are quite gone and have
left in this bewildered brain "no vestige but is fled", you
must put up as usual with the dull uninspired production of my
manufactory ... Well, then, what do you say to my being quite a
convert? Shall I tell you that I am perfectly satisfied with my
talents, that however injured and slighted by my envious
contemporaries, I feel convinced that posterity will do me justice?
That I feel confident in my own powers — would you believe it? Well
then, shall I tell you a more probable story? That I am tired of
wishing to be clever, that especially I am weary of the sickening,
fatiguing struggle for competition, with such unequal forces: a sling
and a stone, or the jawbone of an ass, unless wielded by a David or a
Samson, will not do. But I did not intend to trifle; you did not, I
am sure, expect your excellent letter should make any material
alteration in my opinion or feeling of myself; yet it was cheering
and encouraging, and this was all you hoped it would be ...
Chapter VII. Literary
engagements and religious feelings
JANE was at this time
employed conjointly with her sister, upon some little works to which
their names have never been attached. To this indeed they were always
extremely reluctant; and they yielded their names only when it was no
longer within their option to withhold them. It may be added, that,
if publicity was not sought for by my sisters, neither were they
incited by any prospects of considerable pecuniary advantage; for,
with one or two exceptions, the authors' share of the profits arising
from the sale of their works never amounted in their early years to a
sum which, if they had been dependent upon their exertions in this
line, could have afforded them a comfortable subsistence. I feel it
to be due to my sister's memory — and not to her memory alone — thus
explicitly to contradict a supposition entertained, I believe, by
some persons, that the very extensive sale of their works was the
source of a large income to the authors; this was far from being the
fact in the early years of their course.
In pecuniary
matters Jane was, at once, provident, exact, and liberal; but her
tastes and habits made her utterly averse to the care of accumulating
money. Her feelings in writing were dissociated from the idea of
gain; and she would neither personally interfere to secure what she
might deem her rights, nor suffer her mind to be long disturbed by
solicitudes of this sort. She received, with gratitude to the Giver
of all good, whatever share she actually obtained of the proceeds of
her writing, and strove, as far as possible, to put away from her
thoughts the disquieting recollection of what that share might have
been. Often have I heard her break off a conversation on pecuniary
matters, by an exclamation of this kind: "Ah well, it is God who
determines what I am to have; and if I were to gain all that I might
fairly gain, He would know how, in other ways, to reduce the amount
to the exact sum which He sees best to fix my income."
The success of her
first attempt to write for the press administered no more stimulus to
my sister's mind than her diffidence needed. Still she considered
herself as merely filling up a subordinate part; and it was with no
feigned humility that, in addressing her sister, she says:
My Ann, you had
taken the lyre;
And I, from the
pattern you set,
Attempted the art
to acquire;
And often we play
a duet.
But those who, in
grateful return,
Have said they
were pleased with the lay,
The discord could
always discern;
And yet I
continued to play.
The second volume
of Original Poems met with as
much favour as the first; both volumes
were reprinted in America, and have, to the present continued there,
as well as in England, to be very generally used in families.
From the period of
which I am now speaking, the history of my sister's mind will be best
given by herself, in the extracts from her Correspondence; and it
will only be necessary to furnish such connecting facts as may render
intelligible the perusal of the selected letters. The sound good
sense which has recommended the later productions of her pen, began
then to temper the sprightliness of her fancy; and the letters of
each succeeding year will exhibit a very marked progression in this
respect; for not only did her understanding ripen, but the false
diffidence by which it had been shackled was gradually removed by the
successful exercise of her talents. In some young persons
self-confidence occasions the precocious development of the reasoning
powers; while in others, a morbid diffidence retards their expansion,
and even occasions a certain jejuneness
of style long after the
substance of thought has become worthy of mature years. This was very
much the case with my sister: if earlier in life she had believed
herself possessed of the powers she afterwards displayed, she might
have laboured in a wider and higher sphere. She continued to address
herself to children, not merely because she thought that to be the
work for which she was best fitted; but in great measure because,
within this humble sphere, she felt herself safe; and that, while she
moved not out of it, the dreaded charge of presumption could not be
brought against her. On many of the most important topics of
religion, morals, and manners, she thought justly, and felt strongly:
and she probably only needed the conviction that she could gain the
attention of adult readers, in order to do so with success. But
though representations of this kind were often made to her, she could
never be prevailed upon to make the attempt.
The little volume
of Rhymes for the
Nursery, appeared not long after the Original
Poems: to this volume no one but my sisters contributed. Their
aim
was to present ideas, and to awaken emotions, in a form adapted to
the earliest childhood. The question which the authors proposed in
their preface: "Whether ideas adapted to the comprehension of
infancy admit the restrictions of rhyme and metre" — seems now
to be pretty well determined in the affirmative; for it may be said
to have been "carried by acclamation" from thousands of
infant voices, that rhyme and metre are the friends of infancy; and
that far from being "restrictions" upon the communication
of ideas, they open the avenues of intellect more readily than any
other means. Experience proves that poetry itself, as distinguished
from mere rhyme and metre, though not fully apprehended by the mind
of a child, has truly a charm for it. Those who have been engaged in
the instruction of the children of the poor, will grant it to be a
fact, that if children of active minds are allowed to make their own
selection of hymns to be committed to memory, they will for the most
part choose rather such as have something of the spirit of poetry in
them, than others which might have seemed better adapted to their
comprehension, by being altogether prosaic in their style. The Rhymes
for the Nursery, though in phraseology brought down to a lower
level,
are, many of them, more poetical in their character than the Original
Poems; and it is believed that the success of the one has been,
at
least, fully equal to that of the other.
Jane's literary
pursuits were facilitated about this time, and her comfort much
increased, by the appropriation of a room to her exclusive use, which
she fitted up to her own taste. This attic was secluded from the rest
of the house; the window commanded a view of the country, and of a
"tract of sky" as a field for that nightly soaring of the
fancy of which she was so fond. Our parents always considered the
exclusive occupation of a chamber, or study, by each of their family,
as a most important advantage, both for the cultivation of the mind,
and the cherishing of devotional habits. So far as it was possible,
we were all favoured in this respect; and Jane was always forward to
avail herself of the privilege. Addressing a literary friend, she
thus describes her study:
My verses
have certainly one advantage to boast, beyond any that ever escaped
from my pen heretofore — that of being composed in my own study.
Whether instigated by the sight of your retired literarium, or what,
I cannot exactly tell; but certain it is, that one of my first
engagements, on my return home, was to fit up an unoccupied attic,
hitherto devoted only to household lumber; this I removed by the most
spirited exertions, and supplied its place by all the apparatus
necessary for a poet, which, you know, is not of a very extensive
nature: a few book-shelves, a table for my writing-desk, one chair
for myself, and another for my muse, is a pretty accurate inventory
of my furniture. But though my study cannot boast the elegance of
yours, it possesses one advantage which, as a poet, you ought to
allow, surpasses them all — it commands a view of the country — the
only room in the house, except one, which is thus favoured; and to me
this is invaluable. You may now expect me to do wonders! But even if
others should derive no advantages from this new arrangement, to me,
I am sure, they will be numerous. For years I have been longing for
such a luxury, and never before had wit enough to think of this
convenient place. It will add so much to the comfort of my life, that
I can do nothing but congratulate myself upon the happy thought; and
I demand a large share of your poetical sympathy on the occasion.
Although it is morning, and, I must tell you, but little past six, I
have half filled this sheet, which capability I attribute chiefly to
the sweet fields that are now smiling in vernal beauty before me.
There is reason to
believe that the advantage of being able to fulfil, literally, the
command "to enter into the closet, and shut the door", was
not slighted; but that devotional exercises were more regularly
attended to by my sister, from this time, from which, it is believed,
an advance in her religious feelings may be dated; though she still
fell short of the peace and hope which become Christian faith.
Nevertheless, the native soundness of her judgment showed itself when
she was called to animadvert upon any morbid sentiments expressed by
her young friends, as may be seen from the following letter:
TO MISS E. FORBES
COLCHESTER, 1807
... In your last
you again introduce the subject of worldly amusements; and if I am
not mistaken, this is neither the first nor the second time you have
done so; and that in an argumentative style, as though our opinions
were at variance. Now I really apprehend that we think as nearly
alike on these points as one could reasonably wish; and I think if
you were to examine some of my former letters, in which the subject
has been discussed, you would find I acquiesce with you, at least in
your most important objections. I cannot think what has given you the
idea so strongly, that I am an advocate for the pleasures of the
theatre; unless it be, my having been persuaded, five years ago, to
attend it one evening; and though, certainly, I am not aware of
having sustained any material injury, either to my moral or spiritual
feelings, I have ever since decidedly resolved never to repeat the
visit: and I hope you will believe me when I once again assure you
that I do disapprove of such amusements; and should think it very
dangerous, and exceedingly wrong, to be in the habit of frequenting
them. You mention novels — you have read one or two here, and may
conclude we are in the continual habit of perusing them. I believe,
in all my life, I have read, and heard read, about a dozen — it may
be, twenty; and though I think it injudicious to suffer very young
girls to read even a good novel, if there be love in it, yet I must
maintain the opinion that most, or many of those I have read, were of
a beneficial, and not of a hurtful tendency. I would as soon read
some of Miss
Egeworth's, or Miss
Hamilton's novels, with a view to
moral improvement, as Foster's
Essays; and I have too high an opinion
of your good sense and liberality, to suppose that, after a candid
perusal of these, and some few other good novels (for the number of
good ones I readily allow to be very small), you would repeat that,
"to read them was incompatible with love to God". You
oblige me to recur to a hackneyed argument, that the abuse of a thing
should not set aside its use.
Do not say I am
pleading for an indiscriminate indulgence in novel reading, or a
frequent perusal of the very best of novels; that, in common with
every innocent recreation, may be easily carried to a hurtful excess:
but you seem to me to fancy some fatal spell to attend the very name
of novel, in a way that we should smile at, as narrow-minded and
ignorant, in an uneducated person; all I wish you to admit — all I
think myself is, that it is a possible thing for a book to be
written, bearing the general form, appearance, and name of a novel,
in the cause of virtue, morality, and religion; and then, that to
read such a book is by no means "incompatible with love to God",
or in the least displeasing in His sight. I think you will not
hesitate to admit this, and then we exactly agree in our opinions of
"plays and novels". That plays, and bad novels, are
"poisons which Satan frequently insinuates" with too great
success, I have no more doubt of than yourself. Yet, if I am not
mistaken, he has some still more potent venoms; if I might judge from
myself, there are ways, in the most private life, in domestic scenes,
in solitary retirements, by which Satan can as effectually operate on
the heart, as in a crowded theatre. I believe I might read a hundred
novels, and attend as many plays, and have my heart less drawn from
God, than by those common pursuit and interests which, while it would
be sinful to avoid them, I cannot engage in without sin. It is in the
realities of life, and not merely in the fictions that occasionally
amuse us, that I find the most baneful poisons, the most effectual
weaners from “love to God".
I think many
people "strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel", in these
very circumstances; and Satan willingly suffers them to abstain with
holy horror from the theatre, or to throw aside a novel with
abhorrence, so the idol — the real idol he has erected in their
hearts, receive its daily worship. You cannot suppose I am bringing
this forward by way of argument for the one or the other; but it
always appears to me that people begin at the wrong end, when they
attack such errors as these. One might as well expect to demolish a
building by pulling down some external ornament, while the pillars
were left unmoved; and I think many who exclaim with vehemence
against those who indulge in some of the vain pleasures of the world
(for which, probably, themselves have no relish, and from which,
therefore, it costs them little self-denial to abstain), would do
well to examine if there be not some favourite idol within their own
breasts, equally displeasing in the sight of a heart-searching God. I
do not say this to you, dear Eliza. I know that you watch your heart,
as well as your conduct; and earnestly desire to guard it in every
quarter from the incursions of the wily adversary; and while you have
abundant occasion to warn me of that worldly-mindedness which I
desire daily to mourn over and to mortify, I hope your anxiety for
me, "as one who reads novels, and tolerates the frequenting of
plays", will be abated, at least. I will discuss the subject
with you as often as you please; but do not again employ your time in
arguing me out of opinions which I ever discarded ...
A similar strain
of good sense appears in the following passages:
“Those,"
she says in a letter to a friend, "who are in the habit of
reading their own hearts, know that the heart may be as devotedly
fixed on what is in itself a truly worthy and proper object of
regard, as on the sinful vanities of the world: and, if that object
be anything but God, its intrinsic value diminishes nothing from the
idolatry of the feeling. Perhaps I need not blush to enumerate those
worldly pleasures on which my heart is most intent: but I know I
ought to blush, could I disclose the high, monopolizing place they
hold there: they reign; when will these idols fall before the ark of
God? Are they to be torn from their hiding-place, as yours have been?
Oh! why have I not had this trial rather than you?”
You have well
described the difficulty, the exertion, requisite for real and
fervent prayer. I am glad that I do know the difference between that
and the offering of lifeless petitions: you rightly affirm that "true
prayer surpasses every other mental exercise, and is entirely beyond
human attainment, without Divine aid". Certainly, no one ever
prayed who was not a Christian; but, though sometimes I have found
every faculty, for a few moments, intently engaged in the exercise,
how can I hope that this was really prayer, when I remember the
indifference, the coldness, the reluctance, that characterise the
general state of my mind. Yet, in the midst of the darkness that
surrounds my own mind, I rejoice, my dear friend, in the light which
shines upon yours.
How far this want
of the comfort which religion can afford, might have been attributed
to an obscured apprehension of "the hope set before us in the
Gospel", is a question worthy of inquiry: that it was not the
consequence of cynical feelings or habits will be made apparent by a
quotation from a letter addressed to a friend, whose mind was in some
degree perverted by sentiments of that sort:
In a certain
sense, I may say with you, "that my views of life are dark and
melancholy": yet I believe when you say so, you mean something more
than I do. You do not permit yourself to receive the comforts and
delights that are offered you by Providence with "a merry heart,
giving God thanks". Now, I think that though, when compared with
heavenly happiness, the best joys of earth should appear mean and
trifling in our eyes; yet, considered in themselves, as they were
given for our enjoyment, surely a cheerful and grateful delight in
them, must be even acceptable to our all-bountiful Father. When we
survey all our comforts — a happy home, affectionate friends, easy
circumstances, and the numerous train of common mercies and social
delights, ought we to call the prospect "dark and melancholy"?
Surely, the cheerful song of praise befits us better than the sigh of
discontent. Do not suppose I would plead for the gay amusements and
dangerous pleasures of the world.
I am as firmly
convinced of their evil tendency as you can be: and would avoid them
as carefully. I am referring only to the natural comforts and lawful
enjoyments of life; and even of these I would say, that we must still
"hold them as if we held them not; and use them as not abusing
them".
The same order of
sentiment appears in a letter of consolation, addressed to this
friend, soon afterward, on the death of a beloved brother.
Afflictions rightly improved, are
indeed blessings; yet, how
apt are we to abuse them by receiving impressions very different from
what they were intended to produce. I mention this from a fear that,
notwithstanding your cheerful acquiescence in the Divine will, you
do, in a degree, mistake the intentions of Providence. I hear your
cough is become habitual, and that you firmly expect, and almost
wish, to join your dear brother soon. Now, I am persuaded, it is not
merely from a selfish motive that I would say, Do not court death;
but, I am sure, it is the language of reason, and the voice of duty.
It cannot be a wholesome state of mind, even in the midst of the
severest trials, when it is looking to death as a relief. The holy
desire "to depart, and to be with Christ", is very different from
the desire to depart, that we may be with some dear friend, a desire
which can arise only from a worldly principle. In sending these
sorrows, God usually intends to fit us for living more to His glory
here below; and though they certainly contain a loud warning to
"prepare to meet our God", as we know not how soon our turn may
come, it is showing a degree of impatience under them to say "I
cannot bear the separation, let me die also". Let me intreat you
then, my dear E., to take great and constant care of your health, for
vain is the attention of your friends, unless you join your own
endeavours; especially restrain yourself from that ardent pursuit of
whatever happens to engage your present interest, which, I am very
sure, has greatly undermined your health already, and which, if
persisted in, will assuredly destroy it. May your soul also prosper!
I shall rejoice to hear that you have been led by this affliction,
more confidently than ever, "to lay hold of the only hope set
before us".
Unconsciously to
herself, a real progression appears, from her letters, to have been
taking place in Jane's religious feelings; and, if not more happy in
hope, she became more established in principle. In a letter of an
earlier date than the last, she says:
Well, I hope
I can say I have different views of life, and a higher ambition than
formerly. I dare not trust my treacherous heart a moment. But yet,
upon examination, I think I may say, I should feel at least contented
to pass silently and soberly through the world, with a humble hope of
reaching heaven at the end of my pilgrimage. I have many, many
difficulties in my way; and, when I compare the state of my mind with
that which is required of those who follow Jesus, and see how much
must be done ere I can attain it, I have no other comfort than this:
“With God all things are possible.” Yes, indeed, my dear Eliza,
we have each of us dangerous snares to avoid, and, as you say,
temptations to love the world. But I well know, and with shame I
would allow it, that yours are far more inviting, and require more
courage and self-denial to resist, than mine: yet, you may escape,
and I become the victim. With half your graces and accomplishments,
what should I have been! You mention talents; but indeed you mistake
in supposing that the accidental success that has attended my feeble
efforts, has been very hurtful to me. I wish I had no worse enemies
than my wits. I do not deny — it would be ungrateful to do so — that
the approbation we have met with, and the applause, especially of
some whose opinion was particularly precious, have been sources of
constant satisfaction: and perhaps, occasionally, my weak mind has
been partly overset by them. Yet, I think I may say, my humiliations
have generally counterbalanced such feelings, and kept my mind in
equilibrio. No, though I own my muse has done me a few good turns,
for which I shall always feel grateful: yet she has been the means of
procuring me as many good, wholesome mortifications as any
personage, real or ideal, that I know of. I do not say all this
to prove that I am not vain, for I am; if I were not, you know, I
should not be liable to mortifications, nor have I yet thrown aside
my pen in disgust, though I have many a time longed to do so.
These
counteractive feelings were brought into play at times when Ann and
Jane — now authors — were introduced into new circles. Their mother
says:
Desirous
that our daughters should enjoy some recreation and suspension from
their labours, they were allowed, alternately, an annual visit to
London, among old friends, and where they gained some new ones. They
had acquired by this time a degree of literary reputation: but as
they had nothing to introduce them as persons in affluent
circumstances, their reception, as in all similar cases, was
regulated by the feelings and dispositions of those to whom they were
introduced. And, while some treated them with cordiality and
friendship, others favoured them with that amiable condescension
which is so current in the world, and is equally intelligible to many
of those who are "honoured with it".
Jane's letters about this
time, when notoriety as an author was new to her, abound with similar
sentiments:
We have been
visiting some friends in the country, who correspond with the
description you give of yours. They possess that natural
intelligence, sound sense, and intrinsic excellence, which cannot
fail to render them interesting, though deficient in cultivation, and
unpolished in matters of taste. Now, among these friends, our poor
superficial acquirements blaze away most splendidly. But though I am
conscious of feeling elated at such times, yet it is checked by a
humiliating sense of my real inferiority. I see them living in the
daily exercise of virtues and graces to which I never approached. In
all that is sound, sterling, durable — in all that a heart-searching
God can approve, I see how far I fall short; and then, how
contemptible and worthless is all in which I may have the advantage.
Although that degree of vanity which amounts to conceit, and obvious
and obtrusive self-complacency, must, I think, be absolutely
incompatible with dignity and refinement of mind, as well as with the
Christian graces, yet where is the heart, in which, in a state
more or less subdued, it exists not? And those who are wont to speak
and think
mainly of themselves — who are willing to prefer others to themselves —
and who are continually deploring their deficiencies, yet, after
all, evince great ignorance of their own hearts, if they imagine
that, beneath all this humiliation, no seeds of vanity lie concealed;
in truth, they may spring up nowhere more luxuriantly than in the
soil that is watered by the tears of
self-condemnation. With respect to this baleful weed, it may with
peculiar propriety be said:
We cannot bear
diviner fruit,
Till grace refine
the ground.
Here is the only
remedy — religion, and religion only, can humble the proud spirit in
the dust.
Jane's intimate
friends were not ignorant of the embarrassed state of her religious
feelings; nor were they backward in affording to her the directions
and encouragement she seemed to require. These offices of Christian
friendship were acknowledged by her with lively affection.
With
feelings of sincere gratitude and love, I would again thank you, my
very dear Anne, for the tender concern you manifested on my behalf;
and the readiness with which you afforded the advice and
encouragement I solicited. You are highly privileged, dear Anne, in
having it in your power to promote pleasure and cheerfulness wherever
you appear. Your visit was truly a season of sunshine; and how
sweetly refreshing are such occasional gleams breaking forth from a
clouded sky — and such indeed is mine. I could bear the roughness of
the road, if it were but bright overhead: however, I dare not turn
back; and you, dear Anne, while going on your way rejoicing, will
not, I am sure, be unmindful of your benighted friend. It may be long
before we meet again; but my heart has been accustomed to love the
absent, and my thoughts have been trained to fly towards every point
of the compass: and whether at __ or at __, they will frequently
attend you, laden with sincere affection.
In reply to a
letter of religious consolation and advice, addressed, about this
time, to Jane by another friend, she says:
I have
already thanked you for a letter received two months ago; but I have
yet to assure you, of what you seem to entertain a doubt — that the
principal subject of it was very far from being uninteresting or
unwelcome to me. I own, indeed, I do feel a backwardness in
introducing these topics; and that, as you say, greatly arising from
a false shame, that ought not to be encouraged. But I have other
impediments; and if I cannot speak with entire freedom on religious
subjects, it is not, indeed, because I cannot "confide in you"; but
for want of confidence in myself. I dread much more than total
silence, falling into a common-place, technical style of expression,
without real meaning and feeling; and thereby, deceiving both myself
and others. I well know how ready my friends are to give me
encouragement, and how willing to hope the best concerning me; and as
I cannot open to them the secret recesses of my heart, they put a too
favourable construction on my expressions. You will not then impute
it to a want of confidence, though I cannot speak otherwise than
generally on this subject ... Yet I do hope that I have of late seen
something of the vanity of the world, and increasingly feel that it
cannot be my rest: The companions of my youth are no more: our own
domestic circle is breaking up: time seems every day to fly with
increased rapidity; and must I not say "the world recedes". Under
these impressions, I would seek consolation where only I know it is
to be found. I long to be able to make heaven and eternity the home
of my thoughts, to which, though they must often wander abroad on
other concerns, they may regularly return, and find their best
entertainment. But I always indulge with fear and self-suspicion in
these most interesting contemplations; and doubtless, the enjoyments
arising from them belong rather to the advanced Christian, than to
the doubting, wandering beginner. I am afraid I feel poetically,
rather than piously, on these subjects; and while I am indulging in
vain conjectures on the employments and enjoyments of a future state,
I must envy the humble Christian who, with juster views, and better
claims, is longing "to depart and be with Christ". Nor would I
mistake a fretful impatience with the fatigues and crosses of life,
for a temper weaned from the world. I could, indeed, sometimes say —
And I have felt too those lines:
I long to lay this
painful head,
And aching heart,
beneath the soil;
To slumber in that
dreamless bed;
From all my toil.
And I have felt
too these lines:
The
bitter tear — the arduous struggle ceases here —
The doubt, the
danger, and the fear,
All, all, for ever
o'er.
But these
feelings, though they may afford occasional relief, I could not
indulge in."
The extracts from
her correspondence will be found to exhibit, again and again, the
same constitutional feelings, but counterpoised, as her character
matured, by a firmer faith, and a brighter hope. Yet the improvement
took place so insensibly that its immediate causes are difficult to
ascertain. At the time the above cited letters were written, no
advice, perhaps, no representations of the simplicity and certainty
of that offer of happiness which is made to us in the Scriptures,
would have availed to dispel the gloom and discomfort of my sister's
mind; for constitutional feelings are with difficulty uprooted. She
nevertheless knew how to address consolations to her suffering
friends.
TO MISS M. HOLMAN
COLCHESTER,
December 11th, 1807
It would be to me
a most delightful and gratifying task to address you, my dear M., on
this occasion, did I believe it to be in my power to speak to your
deeply wounded spirit the language of real consolation; but I feel
forcibly the insignificancy and inefficacy of empty words, in a case
of such sad reality: and I own the task would be only painful, were I
not fulfilling your kind request.
If it be
consolatory to be persuaded that we do not mourn alone and
disregarded, but that in our tears and sorrows we have the deep
sympathy of a friend, then, indeed, my dear M., you may receive all
the consolation such a persuasion can bestow. To a mind so well
stored as yours with religious principles, and so well regulated by
them, it would be superfluous to enumerate those sources of comfort
which the word of God presents to the mourning Christian. Nor would
it indeed become me, being sensible how far I fall short of your
attainments in this respect; and I am very sure you are daily
receiving these lessons of pious resignation from your dear and
excellent father. Have you not, dear M., felt something of the "joy
of grief", and that too in a better sense than the poet intends,
in the feeling of having a new tie to the heavenly world, while one
of the strongest cords that bound your soul to this, is broken.
Cowper beautifully rejoices in being the son of parents "passed
into the skies". It is indeed a most inspiring idea, and those
who have a good, well-founded hope of the happiness of their departed
friends, cannot be inconsolable at the separation. A friend, who has
lately lost a beloved brother, says, in a letter just received: "We
are always happy in the idea that our dear brother is in heaven."
This is the privilege of Christians — this is indeed a joy that the
world knows not of. Oh, how can those who are without hope, either
for themselves or for their friends, support the weight of such a
stroke! They are obliged to plunge into gaieties for a refuge from
reflection. But how poor a substitute are these for the consolations
of religion!
Chapter
VIII. Correspondence on general subjects: domestic feelings
TO MISS E. FORBES
COLCHESTER,
February 14th 1808
NOTHING less, my
dear Eliza, than your actual presence could, I believe, just now
rouse me from the stupor of a long evening's application. I always
grow quite rusty in the winter, and almost forget that the world
reaches farther than from one end of the house to the other. Not but
that my thoughts take an occasional flight to regions more remote;
but they stretch so far into the blue distance, that I can scarcely
tell whether they arrive at realities, or rest upon vapour and
illusion. You, who have seen us only in the summer, when we are never
so regular in our movements, can scarcely form an idea of the
retirement and uninterrupted regularity of our winter life. We seem
more like the possessors of some lone castle in the bosom of the
mountains, than the inhabitants of a populous town. Yet, do not imagine
me showing a deplorable face through the grates of my prison, and
longing to break forth into the gay world. I assure you I enjoy this
retirement — this peaceful and happy home, where my heart and my
happiness are centred. When I look round at the dear and yet unbroken
circle, I reproach myself if ever I have indulged a feeling of
fretfulness — that the glow of thankfulness should ever forsake my
heart. Yet we have troubles and anxieties that will sometimes destroy
cheerfulness. But I feel persuaded that, however I may feel their
pressure now, I shall never know happier days than these. And one
advantage I have, which must soon forsake me — I am still young; and
feel occasionally that flow of spirits — that bounding joy of heart —
which ever attends the spring of life. The spirits may indeed be
depressed, but they will rise again; and I have often been surprised to
feel not only cheerfulness, but hilarity, returning to my heart from no
apparent cause, and when circumstances which had plunged me in
dejection remained unchanged.
TO MR. JOSIAH CONDER
COLCHESTER, May 19th, 1808
You still ask me to define a compliment: I thought we had agreed that
praise bestowed upon real merit, sanctioned by the honest judgment, and
administered temperately, ought not to be termed a compliment. Whenever
praise exceeds the above-mentioned limits, it deserves no better name.
Now I fear that unless we have courage to violate the common laws of
good-breeding, we must all acknowledge ourselves to be faulty in this
respect. Indeed, it seems to depend more upon the character of our
associates than upon ourselves, to what degree we offend. I have
friends whom I cannot compliment; and I have acquaintances whom, unless
I transgress these laws, I must needs compliment whenever I am in their
company. In this view, if I have accused you of such a practice, I am
willing to take the blame upon myself. And I will consider myself
bound, for your sake as well as for my own, better to merit those
commendations which neither your politeness could entirely withhold,
nor my vanity wholly dispense with. It is difficult to distinguish
accurately between an honest desire to please, and that poisonous love
of admiration which acts rather as a cloy than a stimulus to mental
improvement, to judge between a laudable ambition to excel, and a vain
and selfish desire to outshine others. How many mortifications should
we escape, if we were always more solicitous to deserve the love of a
few valued friends, than to excite general admiration! A proud
indifference to the opinion of the world is no amiable feeling. But to
be independent of its smiles, by valuing chiefly the sweets of inward
tranquility, is indeed a most desirable state of mind — only to be
attained by cultivating the best principles, and by seeking approbation
from the highest source ...
TO MISS S.L. CONDER
COLCHESTER, June 2d 1808
We have already had some delightful evening rambles. When we are all
out together on these I forget all my troubles, and feel as happy
occasions, light-hearted as I can remember I used to do some seven or
eight years ago, when I scarcely knew what was meant by depression. If
I should ever lose my relish for these simple pleasures — if I thought,
by growing older, my feelings would no longer be alive to them, I
should be ready, indeed, to cling to youth, and petition old Time to
take a little rest, instead of working so indefatigably, night and day,
upon me. But, alas! he is such a persevering old fellow, that
nothing can hinder him: one must needs admire his industry, even though
one may now and then be a little provoked with his obstinacy. But
seriously, it is not right to shrink from age, much less from maturity;
and could I be sure of retaining some of my present ideas, feelings,
and sentiments, and of parting only with those that are vain and
childish, I think I could welcome its near approach with a tolerably
good grace. But I dread finding a chilling indifference steal gradually
upon me for some of my pursuits and pleasures which have hitherto been
most dear to me — an indifference which I think I have observed in some
in the meridian of life. I am always, therefore, delighted to discover,
in people of advancing years, any symptoms of their being still
susceptible of such enjoyments; and in this view the letters of Mrs.
Grant afforded me peculiar gratification: increasing years seem to have
deprived her of no rational enjoyment. If time clipped a little the
wings of her fancy, she was still able to soar above the common
pleasures of a mere housewife; no reflection, by-the-by, upon that
respectable character; believe me, I reverence it, and always regard
with respect a woman who performs her difficult, complicated, and
important duties with address and propriety. Yet I see no reason why
the best housewife in the world should take more pleasure in making a
curious pudding, than in reading a fine poem; or feel a greater pride
in setting out an elegant table, than in producing a well-trained
child. I perfectly glory in the undeniable example Mrs. Grant exhibits
of a woman filling up all the duties of her domestic station with
peculiar activity and success, and at the same time cultivating the
minds of her children usefully and elegantly; and still allowing
herself to indulge occasionally in the most truly rational of all
pleasures - the pleasures of intellect.
I daresay you read a paper in the Christian
Observer for April, on
Female Cultivation. I feel grateful to the sensible and
liberally-minded author. I do believe the reason why so few men, even
among the intelligent, wish to encourage the mental cultivation of
women, is their excessive love of the good things of this life; they
tremble for their dear stomachs, concluding that a woman who could
taste the pleasures of poetry or sentiment, would never descend to pay
due attention to those exquisite flavours in pudding or pie, that are
so gratifying to their philosophic palates; and yet, poor gentlemen, it
is a thousand pities they should be so much mistaken; for after all,
who so much as a woman of sense and cultivation, will feel the real
importance of domestic duties; or who will so well, so cheerfully,
perform them? ...
TO MR. JOSIAH CONDER
COLCHESTER, February 21st 1809.
Mr. James Montgomery is the principal subject of your last letter. I
have felt quite impatient to add my thanks to those Ann has, I believe,
already presented, for your truly friendly exertions to introduce us to
his notice; for as your interviews were few, and occupied by much more
interesting discourse, to remember two obscure country rhymers was very
kind , and so we feel it. As to his remarks on our
books, they cannot be otherwise than gratifying. We feel all the
difference between such an opinion, expressed by a man of taste and
genius, and the customary compliment of "Sweet pretty things, ladies —
they do you great credit", etc.
I regret he did not leave room to find fault. We are fully conscious
that we deserve it. When we first wrote, we were not in the habit of
taking pains; that is to say, we were not aware what pains were
necessary; neither did we know what we had at stake; consequently our
earliest productions abound with inaccuracies. Parents are pleased with
them, because their children are; but from Mr.
Montgomery, who is neither a little boy nor a father, I had not
expected so favourable a critique. But since it would ill become me to
question his judgment or taste, the small portion of his praise which I
take own share affords me solid satisfaction.
Alas! if a poor wight has ever had the misfortune to hit upon two words
that jingle, what a craving appetite is created; and he is, perhaps,
doomed to endure perpetual starvation, or at best to derive a scanty
and carious subsistence from crumbs of praise: though it is as
delicious to his palate (and even more so from its rarity) as to that
of the favoured bard who receives it as his daily bread. But while I
must confess that I have felt the appetite, I can say with sincerity
that my happiness does not depend upon dainties of this sort, and that
I can live contentedly upon plainer food. I wish to be thankful that I
can find enjoyment in simple pleasures, and such as are, so far as I
can discover, purified from the dross of selfishness and vanity. I am
pleased to look within, and find that I am really happy when our
complete family circle is formed, and useful and interesting
conversation arises and circulates. Memory can recall many livelier
scenes, and fancy could present others still gayer, but neither memory
nor fancy can persuade me to be discontented with the present. The loss
of every external source of happiness, by the death of our early
friends here, forced us to seek it in its native soil. I loved home,
but I knew not how to value and enjoy it; and to the beauties of
nature, though blooming around me, I was blind. I am surprised when,
looking back only a few years, I remember how totally insensible I was
to those scenes which are now constant sources of delight; though I
should have been not a little startled had my taste and feeling been
questioned — I, who have spent many a summer's evening on the old
ivy-grown town wall, reading Thomson to the
friend of my bosom; and
would strain my eyes till they ached, that I might read by moonlight!
But now, though I confess I prefer the convenience of a commodious
apartment, and willingly endure the gross vapours of tallow, and the
barbarism of artificial light; yet, I flatter myself, I know better how
to enjoy the glowing landscape, as well as to taste the beauties of the
poet; and that I contemplate the fair face of the moon with sensations
not only more rational, but more pleasurable, than in those days of
idle romance. That I have an eye to see, and a heart to feel, the
beauties of nature, I acknowledge with gratitude, because they afford
me constant and unsatiating pleasure, and form almost my only
recreation. And I indulge the hope that, having acquired a love for
these simple enjoyments, I shall never lose it; but that in seasons of
solitude or of sorrow, I shall continue to find a sweet solace in them.
When I am low in spirits, weary, or cross — or especially when worried
by some of the teasing realities of life, one glance at the landscape
from the window of my attic never fails to produce a salutary effect
upon me. And when "tis night, and the landscape is lovely no more", if
moon, planet, or star, condescends to beam through my casement, I
revive under its benign influence. Many might smile at this, especially
as I have renounced the title of romantic, and claim that of rational,
for my pleasures; but I beg you will not. As a Londoner, I might
apologize for dwelling on such a theme; but to a poet I cannot; and
though to a correspondent I ought to apologize for so much egotism, to
a friend I need not.
The infant smiles of spring have, perhaps, inspired me with this
effusion: its return is always reviving and cheering; and while all
around is gay and young, we forget that our winter has approached a
step nearer. I am sometimes startled when I recollect that very
probably half my allotted days are already spent; and possibly much
more. Years that once appeared such long and tedious periods, now seem
to fly onward with such rapidity, that they are gone ere they can be
enjoyed or improved. Yet a few, at most, of these fleeting seasons, and
I, and all I love, shall be forgotten on earth. You have heard,
doubtless, that we have lost our friend Mrs. Stapleton. Thus, we see a
family nearly extinct, in which, but a few years ago, was centred all
that was interesting and dear to us. We have no juvenile recollections
with which they are not connected; and the much valued friendships we
have formed in later years have not effaced those early impressions. It
is difficult to realize such losses. And it is not these alone: for of
a gay and happy circle, with whom we were intimately connected, Ann and
I are the only survivors ...
In the course of the year 1809, our long-united family was separated,
by the removal of two of its members to London; and, if the expressions
of regret on this subject, with which Jane's letters abound, were to be
quoted, they would seem to many readers to go beyond the necessities of
the occasion. But none of her feelings were more vivid than those of
family affection; and, almost blind to the reason of the case, she
would fain have held the endeared circle entire, at the secular
interests. "I regard," she says, "this as one of the greatest sorrows I
have ever known. I cannot view it as merely parting with a friend, whom
I may hope to meet again in a few months; for though our interviews may
be frequent, our separation as companions is final. We are to travel
different roads; and all the time we may actually pass together, in the
course of occasional meetings during our whole future lives, may not
amount to more than a year or two of constant intercourse."
This foreboding was falsified by the event; for, in fact, only a year
or two of separation took place between Jane and the brother to whom
she here refers — excepting that short interval, it was his happiness
to be the constant companion of her life.
In a letter written to her brothers, Isaac and Martin, soon after their
leaving home, she says:
Oh this cruel separation! It
would have killed
me to have known when first we parted, how complete it would be. I am
glad we deceived ourselves with the hope of keeping up frequent
intercourse by letters and visits; it saved us a severer pang than any
we then endured. These painful reflections are revived by the
disappointment of our fond hopes of a speedy reunion, which is now
rendered not only distant, but very doubtful. You, engaged in business,
and surrounded by friends, cannot feel as we do on this subject. We
have nothing to do but to contemplate our cheerless prospects, or to
think of the days that are past. I do not mean it reproachfully when I
say, that you will soon learn to do without us; it is the natural
consequence of your situation, and we ought to be reconciled to the
"common lot". But how can I forget the happy years in which we were
everything to each other? I am sometimes half jealous of our friends,
especially of __, who now has that confidence which
we once enjoyed. But I will not proceed in this mournful strain: and do
not think, my dear brothers, that I am charging you with neglect, or
any decrease of affection; though I do sometimes anticipate, and that
with a bitter regret, the natural effect of a long-continued
separation.
So eminently characteristic of my sister's mind were feelings of this
sort, that I must exhibit them in one or two further quotations from
her letters to her brothers.
We have not yet tried separation long enough to know what its effects
will eventually be. I dread lest, in time, we should become so
accustomed to it, as to feel contented to live apart, and forget the
pleasure of our former intercourse; and I cannot suffer myself to
believe what, after all, is most probable, that we shall never be
united again. It is a forlorn idea; for what will two or three flying
visits in the course of the year amount to? Life is short, and we
perhaps half-way through it already. Well, I ought to be thankful that
we have passed so large a portion of it in company, and that the best
part, too; and, as to the future, if I could be sure that years of
separation would not in the least estrange our affections from each
other, and that the glow which warms the youthful breast would never be
chilled by our passage through a cold, heartless world, I would be
content. But the idea of becoming such brothers and sisters as we see
everywhere, is incomparably more painful than that of a final
banishment, in which we should love each other as we now do.
... We still indulge the hope of renewed intercourse; this hope may
indeed be fallacious, but I cannot reject it. In the meantime, we do,
and we will, continue to love each other; and this is
consolation. Long before the dear circle was broken
up, I looked forward to the time of separation with dread; chiefly from
the apprehension lest that loveliest of plants, family affection,
(which in spite of many storms, had been successfully reared and
tenderly cherished among us) should droop, and in time wither, when the
distracting cares of life should call off our attention from it. For my
own part, I have scarcely yet made the trial; for, although the
separation has taken place, yet, as my situation remains the same, I
have found no difficulty in retaining and cultivating that affection
which flourished when we were companions; and I am willing to believe
that the scenes you have passed through since you left your home, have
rather increased than lessened your attachment to it. It must be
delightful, cheering, soothing, to turn from the chilling selfishness
of those with whom you must often have to do, to the affection of your
family and friends; to know that there are those who do, and who always
will love you — whose happiness, in a great measure, depends upon
yours, and who consider your interests to be the same as their own.
From experience I know how baleful it is to the disposition to be
placed in circumstances in which the malevolent passions are liable to
be roused, and in which we have to be concerned with those whom it is
not only impossible to love, but whom it seems a sort of virtue to
dislike. There is the same difference between love and hatred, as
between happiness and misery; and there is more real enjoyment in the
pains of the former, than in the qualifications of the latter. I envy
those who can look with an eye of benevolent compassion upon the lowest
instances of human depravity; who, discerning in their own hearts the
seeds of the same hateful dispositions, feel more gratitude for the
providential restraints to which they must attribute the difference,
than anger towards those who
have wanted these advantages.
The same strong feelings of affection appear in the following letters
to her friend Miss S.L. Conder:
COLCHESTER, May 4th, 1809
... This letter was begun some time ago: many circumstances have
prevented
my finishing it; and I have been in a state of anxiety about the
settlement of __, which has so much occupied my thoughts, that I have
not had the heart to resume my pen. His affairs are yet undecided, and
we are waiting very anxiously to see what is the will of Providence
concerning him. When I remember how kindly our
heavenly Father has hitherto led us on as a family, in credit and
comfort, through many struggles, I feel a sweet consolation in
committing all our temporal affairs to the same overruling Providence;
and hope that my dear brothers, for whose welfare we feel unspeakable
solicitude, may be guided by that "pillar of cloud and of fire", by
which we have been so far directed. Yet again, when I see that many an
one, equally deserving, and equally dear to parents and sisters,
becomes a prey to misfortune, and encounters nothing in life but
neglect and disappointment, then I say, how can I be sure that this may
not be the case with my dear brothers? Dear Luck, you
would pity me if you knew the many tears I have shed with these
forebodings. The world is a chilling place, and going from the bosom of
an affectionate family, they must feel it so: but all this is foolish
and wrong; I do try cheerfully to commit them to God, and hope to be
able to say with some submission, whatever be their fate, "Thy will be
done." The separation which now draws so near, I hardly know how to
fortify myself to bear, for though the distance is short, and our
interviews may be frequent, yet I must view it as the breaking-up of
our family, so long and so closely united; and a part of it so dear to
us, leaving home — safe, happy, affectionate home, for ever. Excuse me,
dear Luck, my heart is very full on this subject, and in writing to a
friend, I could not avoid it.
Oh, when the mind is weary and heavily laden with these worldly cares,
how refreshing is it to look beyond them all to that rest — to those
happy, peaceful mansions that are prepared for the people of
God! The delightful hope of seeing all my dear
family, and all I love below, safely landed there, makes these fears
and anxieties fade into insignificance. But oh! what new fears and
anxieties arise here! It may be well that our minds are not capable of
measuring the vast disproportion between the concerns of this life and
those of eternity, or we should not be able to give a sufficient degree
of attention to our present duties. Could we view the most important
events that can ever occur to us here, in the same light as we shall
look back upon them from the other world, we should scarcely be able to
exert a proper degree of energy in the pursuit or management of them.
TO THE SAME
COLCHESTER, November 1st, 1809
... Life appears to me to be wearing out so rapidly, and so large a
portion of mine is already spent, that I more than ever regret these
long intervals in my communications with my friends. But when I
consider the few days which will be all, probably, that in the whole
course of my life I shall actually enjoy of the society of those from
whom distance divides me, I am obliged to take comfort in the animating
hope of renewing in a happier world these delightful friendships, which
will there flourish without interruption, and without end; and how
refined and unalloyed will they then be — no selfishness or vanity, no
little jealousies to embitter their sweetness. I regard it as one of
the greatest blessings of my life, that all those whom my heart
acknowledges as its owners, are travelling toward the same home; so
that I can say with sincerity and peculiar emphasis, "These are the
choicest friends I know." Our earlier friendships, though they must
ever be remembered with interest and fond affection, were little
adapted to promote our truest welfare. To them indeed we are indebted
for many benefits of a less valuable nature; but I look to my present
circle of friends with gratitude that has a nobler subject. If ever I
reach that happy land where their possessions lie, I shall have cause
for endless thanksgivings to Him who gave me such companions on my way
...
TO MISS SARAH HINTON
September 26th, 1809
... I have scarcely a greater pleasure than of writing to my friends,
especially as it is the means of purchasing epistles; and I have
frequently lamented that this agreeable employment is frequently
rendered a toil to me, from want of leisure to devote to it. But I am
so thoroughly convinced of the advantages of a regular employment, that
some sacrifices, I am sure, ought cheerfully to be made to it. This, I
am persuaded, will be understood by my Oxford friends, and indeed, my
dear cousin, I cannot but congratulate you upon the advantages you
enjoy in your excellent family. Young people who possess a thirst for
knowledge, and an eager desire for improvement, with industrious habits
and activity of mind, and with the best opportunities for instruction,
cannot be otherwise than cheerful and happy. Nothing can be more
favourable to cheerfulness of temper than habits of industry and useful
exertion; and a cheerful temper once acquired, so as to become
habitual, is the greatest of blessings. Mirth and levity take wings and
fly away at the first appearance of calamity or disappointment, but
cheerfulness may be our companion in sorrow — will attend upon us in
sickness — support us in poverty — enliven our old age, and smile upon
the end of it; especially when all these pursuits, however important
and interesting, are kept in due subordination to still more important
duties. In vain should we cultivate our minds with useful knowledge,
and polish them by ornamental accomplishments if we forget or neglect
the regulation of our tempers. This indeed is a task far more difficult
than the acquirements of knowledge. It needs more constant watchfulness
— more hourly exertion; and indeed, with so many evil propensities to
encounter, and so many enemies to resist, our most courageous exertions
would certainly fail, had we on them alone to depend; but we are not
left unaided, if we are willing to seek Divine assistance; and we may
humbly hope to subdue a proud spirit, a fretful temper, or whatever be
our prevailing temptation ... My employments scarcely allow me any time
for reading. Fortunately it is an old established custom in our family
for Mother to read aloud at breakfast and tea-time, by which means we
get through a great deal. Nothing is more stimulating
than the example of those who with advantages perhaps no greater than
our own, have yet made such rare attainments. They
show us what may be done by a proper application of time and talents,
and it is particularly encouraging to find, as is very frequently the
case, that proficiency is not the result of extraordinary genius, but
the reward of industry and perseverance ...
The regrets occasioned by the separation of the family were soon
afterwards diverted by literary interests. Poetry had formed the bond
of union in that circle of friends in which Jane thought herself so
happy to be included; and about this time a volume was projected, in
which the talents of those to whom poetical composition was familiar
should be conjoined. My sister was reluctantly persuaded to take her
part in this volume: she expresses her feelings on the subject in a
letter to the friend who edited the work. Alluding to some verses which
she was solicited to surrender for publication, she says:
They were written to gratify my own feelings, and not for the Wreath
(such was then proposed as the title of the volume); yet you have
pressed them into the service; and what shall I say? I feel that, in
permitting them to be published, I make some sacrifice; as indeed all
do who once begin to express their feelings in rhyme; for sentiments
and feelings that, in plain prose, would only be whispered in secret to
a chosen friend, in this form gain courage, and court the gaze, and
bear the ridicule of the vulgar and unfeeling. Since I have had time to
think soberly about the Wreath
— for this must always be its title — I
have felt far less anxious about the share I am to have in it. Now I am
not going to tease you with any of my “morbid humility”; for I am as
weary of it, and as angry with it as you are; but I must just tell you
how it affects me. I think I know pretty well how to estimate my
poetical talent; at least, I am perfectly persuaded I do not underrate
it; and, in comparison with my blooming companions in this garland, I
allow my pieces to rank as the leaves, which are, you know, always
reckoned a necessary, and even pleasing part of a bouquet: and I may
add, that I am not only contented, but pleased with this station; it is
safe, and snug, and my chief anxiety is not to suffer anything
ridiculous, or very lame, to appear with these views I consent. The
opinion of the little hallowed circle of my own private friends is more
to me than the applauses of a world of strangers. To them my pieces are
already known; by them their merits and their faults are already
determined; and if they continue to smile kindly upon my simple muse,
she will not, I think, easily be put in ill-humour.
This volume was published under the title of The Associate Minstrels.
Some of Jane Taylor's contributions to it will be found in the second
volume of this work; none of them were written with any thought of
publication; but were the simple expressions of feeling on particular
occasions. They exhibit the tender playfulness of her
fancy, and the warmth of her heart; but the poetic vigour which she
afterwards displayed had not then been roused. Yet she has since
written nothing more characteristic of herself, or perhaps more
beautiful, than the Remonstrance to
Time. In this piece especially, and
in the Birthday Retrospect,
she has given the portrait of her own mind
with such vivid truthfulness, that those who knew her seem to see and
converse with her while perusing them. To portray itself, her mind
needed only the mild excitement of her habitual feelings. But to
display its force it required the stimulus of the strongest extraneous
motives. The productions of her pen under these different impulses are
widely dissimilar.
The volume was favourably received at the time, and it obtained for the
authors expressions of approval from some whose commendations carried
weight. The following letter furnishes some instances, prefaced by what
relates to the then unfixed position of the family at Colchester:
MY DEAR MOTHER,
A parcel has at length arrived, and I sit down immediately, according
to promise, to communicate its principal contents, though I tell you
beforehand, that you may not be disappointed, there is no particular
news on the subject which most interests us.
I shall now proceed to make extracts from the letters we have received.
The parcel contained the sheet of hymns; and letters from Josiah,
Isaac, Martin, Luck, Susette, Emma, Sarah Hinton, Professor SMYTH of
Cambridge, WALTER SCOTT, and JAMES
MONTGOMERY.
WALTER SCOTT says.
Mr. Walter Scott requests permission to intrude upon the Associate
Minstrels his grateful thanks for the pleasure he has received in
perusing their beautiful poetry, and for the honour they have done him
in the MS verses. They have greatly overrated Mr. Scott's situation in
life, which is not beyond a decent independence, and he might with
still better grounds disclaim some of the compliments to his poetry,
were he not too much flattered by the exaggeration, considering the
quarters from which it comes. Should the Associate Minstrels be at any
time disposed to drop the Incognito, Mr. Walter Scott would be happy to
claim the honour of being made personally known to them, and meanwhile
begs to assure them of his high respect for their poetical talents, and
for the amiable qualities which their mode of employing them
sufficiently indicates.
EDINBURGH, May 12th.
Thus far Walter Scott now for our dear MONTGOMERY:
I believe I ought to acknowledge the honour which the Associate
Minstrels have done me by their graceful dedication in a gratulatory
ode recounting their merits, and foretelling their future glories; but
I am so entirely unaccustomed to write complimentary verses that I must
in plain prose and in plain truth tell them, through you, that I
sincerely and fervently thank them for the most pleasing and elegant
token of unexpected and unbribed approbation, which I have yet received
in public for the labours of my muse. Thank them therefore
individually, and thank them collectively; their kindness is not the
less estimable, because, except yourself, they are all unknown.
In the volume of the Associate Minstrels your Silence is the promise of
something so much greater than itself, that you must beware not to
disappoint the expectation of your friends — shall I say of the world?
You ought now never to write on mean or insipid subjects. I speak more
confidently of your talents to your face, because I spoke highly —
romantically of them before I saw your face, or knew your name, etc. Of
your companions I have only space to say little, and I am glad, because
it will compel me to speak out, and to speak warmly. A. is in my mind
the queen of the assembly. She is a poet of a high order; the first
unquestionably among those who write for children, and not the last by
hundreds of those who write for men. The Maniac's Song has not only the
melancholy madness, but the inspiration of poetry; also the simile,
page 97 is wonderfully fine and perfectly original. The two stanzas
that contain it are as lovely as the stars they celebrate. J. (Jane) is
very delicate and sprightly, there is a tender playfulness in her best
manner that is truly fascinating. E. has a splendid imagination, and
excels in description; her colouring is like that of
nature, glowing and harmonious; but she must travel a little wider, and
vary her scenery more, lest we should lose the benefit of those of her
powers which she has not yet discovered in herself, for lack of an
opportunity of exercising them. The lyre of S. does not disgrace the
concert of the Associate Minstrels. I hope J.'s reply will induce C.
senior to take his harp from the willows, and tune it to the songs of
Zion.
Thus far James Montgomery. And now, dear Mother, you have had the best
of the juice. I have written in a wild hurry. We have no fresh news of
any sort, indeed this might content you.
Your affectionate,
JANE
Up to this time Jane had written chiefly as an expression of
spontaneous feeling; so soon as she was once convinced that the talent
which she possessed might be rendered useful to others, she very rarely
wrote as before, simply for her own gratification.
Soon after the publication of this volume, my sisters entered upon an
undertaking of peculiar difficulty — that of composing a volume of
Hymns for the use of children. The difficulty of the task will not be
underrated by those who have had experience in the work of education,
and who have allowed themselves to perceive the many perplexities which
meet the teacher in the attempts to impart to a child anything beyond
the most elementary religious notions. The utmost, perhaps, that can be
done is to employ the most simple phraseology, and to use the plainest
illustrations; to allow no obscurities of style to be added to the
inherent difficulties of the subject, and thus to take possession of a
child's memory, instead of attempting to appeal to its reasoning
faculties. My sister Jane, in a letter of this date, says:
I think I
have some idea of what a child's hymn ought to be; and when I commenced
the task, it was with the presumptuous determination that nothing
should fall short of the standard I had formed in my mind. In order to
do this, my method was to shut my eyes, and imagine the presence of
some pretty little mortal; and then endeavour to catch, as it were, the
very language it would use on the subject before me. If in any
instances I have succeeded, to this little imaginary being I should
attribute my success. And I have failed so frequently, because so
frequently I was compelled to say, "Now you may go, my
dear. I shall finish the hymn myself."
The authors, in their preface, justly say, "The Divine Songs of Dr.
Watts, so beautiful and so justly admired, almost discourage, by their
excellence, a similar attempt; and lead the way, where it appears
temerity to follow." The want, however, of a greater number of hymns of
this kind, has always been felt by parents; and parents very generally
have thought that the want is well supplied in this volume. It was soon
after followed by a smaller collection of a similar kind, adapted to
the use of Sunday schools. In this last, the attempt to simplify
language has, perhaps, been carried as far as is at all desirable. If
one might judge by the appearance of the manuscript copy of these
hymns, its intricate interlineations and multiplied revisions, it would
seem that many of them cost the authors more labour than any other of
their writings. But a labour of this kind suited well Jane's habitual
feelings, for it was at once undisturbed by any ambitious desire of
literary distinction, and blessed with the hope of extensive usefulness.
Chapter
IX. Removal to Ongar
TOWARDS the close of the year 1810, Mr. Taylor resigned his ministerial
charge at Colchester, and in the course of the following year, removed
with his family to Ongar, having accepted the invitation of the
dissenting congregation in that town to become their pastor. While it
was still uncertain to what place her father might remove, Jane writes
thus to a friend:
It is a strange sensation to survey the map of
England without an idea as to what part of it we are to occupy. Yet,
perhaps, we feel less anxiety about it than you may suppose. Not to be
further removed from London than we now are, is our chief solicitude,
and to be nearer would be very desirable; more especially on account of
being able to see our dear brothers more frequently. For my own part,
might I choose a situation, it should be a very
retired one, among plain, good people, whom we could love — a village,
not a town. My love of quiet and retirement daily increases, and I wish
to cultivate this taste: it suits me, and does me good. To part with
our house
here — the high woods and the springs, will cost me a struggle; and
more especially my dear quiet attic. Might I hope to find such
another in our next encampment, I should be less uneasy."
Allusions to the expected change of abode occur in other letters
written during the same year, and the commencement of the next.
TO MISS S. L. CONDER
COLCHESTER, August 10th, 1810
... I should be rejoiced
to think that the circumstances of our future lives would be more
favourable than heretofore to the cultivation of our friendship.
Present prospects, indeed, seem to render this improbable. Yet we
know not how or where our lot may be ordered; and I do hope, however
remotely we may eventually be situated, we shall never cease to
cherish a lively affection for each other.
I regret that I have
never answered your last truly kind and excellent letter. I little
thought then that an interview would take place before I could reply.
I wish that it were in my power to answer it in the way that would
afford you the most pleasure. A cloud overshadows my mind: should it
ever be dispelled, with what pleasure should I commune with you, and
all my friends, on the subject that ought to be most interesting to
us. I am ready to think that I should then be able to conquer that
reluctance which too often seals the lips even of sincere Christians,
and rejoice in free, unreserved communication. Yet I dread falling
into the unfelt technicality of religious conversation. But do not
let me discourage you, my dear friend, from making this the principal
subject of your letters. If I am at all more in earnest in the
pursuit of the best things than in the days of my vanity, I may
chiefly attribute the change, under the Divine blessing, to the
example and precepts of my pious friends. I think I may venture to
say, that I never receive one of their letters that does not make
some desirable impression — transient, indeed, yet beneficial. In
this number I am sure I may place your last, which has frequently
been reperused in my hours of retirement with pleasure and advantage.
I am looking forward with
the greatest pleasure to your promised visit. Nor will I allow, that
even if it were to happen at the time of our expected family meeting,
you would be thought an intruder. Indeed, I must say, that if ever we
regarded any friends with that kind of confidence and affection which
is current in one's own family, you and your sister may claim that
distinction. Perhaps you may be the last visitor we may receive at
Colchester. It does seem, at last, as if some important changes must
take place in our family. Our dear brothers' leaving us was the first
signal, though we did not then perceive it; from that hour we might
have bid adieu to the many uninterrupted years of quiet family
happiness with which we have been indulged. Yet I am well persuaded
it is all for our good ...
TO THE SAME.
COLCHESTER, March 14th, 1811
MY DEAR LUCK,
Not to be behindhand in
generosity, I take this whole sheet, although I have so recently
despatched one. But I will not promise to fill it; or, if I do, it
must be with mere chat. Yet, as I feel disposed to say a little more
than a note ought to contain, I do not see why I should not follow
the impulse. How melancholy would be our banishment from friends, if
it were not for this delightful substitute for personal intercourse;
it is, indeed, a privilege which, though so common, ought to be
regarded with thankfulness. I often think, when enjoying it, of what
I used to repeat when I was a good child:
Then thanks to my friends
for their care in my breeding,
Who taught me betimes to love writing
and reading.
There are, indeed, many
times when letter-writing appears a very slow and insufficient means
of communication; I have felt it so often since you left us, when I
have longed for such a kind of tete-a-tete
as tete alone cannot
enjoy. But whether or not I shall ever be indulged with more of your
much-loved society than heretofore, I hope this channel of
communication will never be cut off ... It is in vain to wish that
there were no alloy in the pleasures of friendship; yet I cannot help
wishing that, however the weeds of the field may carry on
hostilities, the lovely flowers of the garden would never raise a
hostile thorn. But we know this world would be far too pleasant if we
met with rebuffs and crosses only from foreigners: we can say with
David, "If it had been mine enemy, I could have borne it."
What smooth, pleasant afflictions we should have, if we chose them
for ourselves! and what temples of idolatry would our hearts then
become! God knows where to may strike, and how severe soever the
chastisement seem, we are well assured that:
Crosses, from His
Sovereign hand,
Are blessings in disguise.
TO MR. J. CONDER
COLCHESTER, April, 1811
... In the present unsettled and uncertain
state of our family affairs, you may, perhaps, imagine that I am able
to think and write of little else; but I am indeed surprised to find
so little perturbation occasioned by them. There was a time when such
events would have excited strong emotions of interest and anxiety,
and when I could not have believed that I should ever contemplate
such changes with composure; but now I have lived long enough to feel
assured that life is life, every-where, and that no material
augmentation of happiness is to be expected from any external
sources. Care, I know, will both follow and meet me, wherever I may
go — even should I be transplanted from this cheerless desert into
the bosom of my dearest friends. Friendship, far from its availing to
shield us from the shafts of care, does but render us vulnerable in a
thousand points. Yet, notwithstanding many anticipated troubles,
there are times when I regard the possibility of a reunion with my
dear brothers, and of joining the beloved circle from which we have
hitherto been banished, with feelings of real delight. But our future
destination is still so uncertain, that we have no distinct feeling,
or very decided wish on the subject. When the idea of our leaving
Colchester was first started, I desired nothing so much as a still
more retired situation. I longed for the seclusion and tranquillity
of an insulated village. A few months, however, have produced a great
change in my views, if not in my wishes. Yet I believe it would be
but too easy, even now, to persuade me to relinquish other projects,
fraught as they are with anxiety and danger, to take refuge in some
"holy shade", where I might welcome that "silence,
peace, and quiet", for which I feel my heart and soul are made.
Though the harassing
circumstances of the last year have driven poetry and its smiling
train far from my thoughts, yet I am not forgetful of the kindness
which prompted you to speak a word of cheer to a fainting muse. I
know I cannot better thank you for your excellent but long-neglected
letter, than by saying it has fully answered the kind intention of
the writer. What do you say, then, to my being quite convinced —
shall I tell you that I am thoroughly satisfied with my talents and
attainments, and feel an agreeable confidence in my own powers; and
that, however injured by envious contemporaries, I am convinced that
posterity will do me justice? Do not you believe it? Well, then,
shall I tell a more probable story, and say, that in this respect, at
least, I have learned to be content with such things as I have; and
that I have in some degree subdued that unworthy ambition which
exposes one to mortification and discontent? Fatiguing and sickening
is the struggle of competition. I desire to withdraw from the lists.
But if this be all, you may still think your friendly endeavours were
unavailing. You did not, I am sure, expect that your letter would
make any material alteration in my opinions and feelings; yet it was
cheering and encouraging: I assure you I felt it so, and therefore
you will not think your pains unrewarded. As a source of harmless,
perhaps even salutary, pleasure to myself, I would not totally
despise or check the poetical talent, such as it is; but it would be
difficult to convince me that the world would have been any loser had
I never written verses (such, I mean, as were composed solely for my
own pleasure). I do; however, set a much higher value on that
poetical taste, or rather feeling, so far as I have it, which is
quite distinct from the capability of writing verse; and also what is
generally understood when people say they are very fond of poetry.
But while I desire ever to cherish the poetic taste, I own it appears
to me to be as little my duty as my interest to cultivate the talent
for poetry. With different sentiments I am compelled to regard my own
share in what we have published for children. The possibility of
their fulfilling, in any degree, the end desired, gives them
importance, and renders future attempts of a similar kind a matter
more of duty than of choice. I dare not admit all the encouraging
considerations you have suggested, nor can I fully explain what I
feel on this subject. That "such reflections are not of a nature
to inspire vanity", is true indeed. No, I desire to be humbled by
the thought; a consciousness of unworthiness makes it hard for me to
indulge the hope of being rendered instrumental of the smallest good.
TO THE SAME
COLCHESTER,
June 28, 1811
... What a pity it is
that language should be so much abused, that what is really meant
requires to be printed in italics! Of this the poet has most to
complain. He feels, and
perhaps his whole soul is filled, with a
passage which ninety-nine of his hundred readers, at least, will
peruse without emotion. This struck me in reading the first line of Thalaba: “How beautiful is
night”, which may be read without the
smallest impression. I read it so at first, but returning to it, and
endeavouring to enter into the feeling with which it was written, I
find it to be, "How beautiful is night!" and I discovered
in these simple words all those inexpressible emotions with which I
so often contemplate the dark blue depths, of which even Southey
could say nothing more striking than this: "How beautiful is
night!"
TO THE SAME
COLCHESTER,
August 20th, 1811
Having a leisure evening — the last, probably, before our removal, I
devote it to fulfilling
my promise to write to you once more from Colchester. Yes, we are
really going, and in a few days the place that so long has known us
shall know us no more. Before I quit this scene of the varied
interests of my childhood and youth, I ought to give my mind a long
leave of absence, and send it back leisurely to revisit the past — to
"recall the years in exile driven, and break their long
captivity"; but in the hurry of the moment the feeling of it is
lost; and even if I could afford to send my thoughts on this
retrograde excursion, and "up the stream of time could turn my
sail, to view the fairy haunts of long-lost hours", I ought not
to ask you to accompany them, for they would stay to contemplate
scenes and gaze on faces unknown and uninteresting to you. I can
invite my friends to sympathise in my present survey with the my
future prospects; but of that
fairy land they could only discern a line of blue
distance; while to me, "Here a cot, and there a spire, still
glitter in the sun." But a melancholy and sentimental
retrospection is an unprofitable indulgence — a kind of luxury which,
perhaps, I have no right to allow to myself. Let me rather, if I have
time for contemplation, take a more humbling and painful survey; and,
reviewing the sins and follies of childhood and youth, resolutely
say, "The time past of my life shall suffice to have wrought
them." But I want energy to commence a new career. Whether my
mind will recover vigour under new circumstances, or will faint under
the exertion I have in prospect, remains to be seen: it is a fearful
experiment.
Here I sit in my little
room: it looks just as it always did; but in a few days all will be
changed: and this consecrated attic will be occupied (how shall I
tell it you!) by an exciseman; for his wife observed to me, when
surveying the house: "Ah, this room will do nicely for my
husband to keep his books in;" well, I shall take with me all
that has rendered it most interesting; and as to the moonshine and
the sunbeams that will continue to irradiate its walls, I would not
withhold them from that son of traffic, although they will never
kindle a spark of poetry in his eye.
... My good friend, be
not too confident in your scholarship: you may be master of all the
learned interests, and yet a very dunce when you endeavour to
decipher the hieroglyphics inscribed on a female heart. If you have a
taste for puzzling studies, there are the Babylonish bricks for you,
which have hitherto defied so much erudition: but there would be a
chance of success in attempting to decipher them ... If I were
qualified to offer the most judicious counsel on subjects where, in
fact, I can but reason from distant analogies, I should still doubt
whether, recalling the attention to a too interesting object, might
not be productive of, at least, a counterbalancing evil. But indeed
it is not my part to admonish you: were I to attempt it, I could
adopt no better plan than that of making large quotations from your
own letters, and then exhorting you to "mind what the gentleman
says". If I feel a kind of confidence that your hope will not be
blasted, it is by no means founded upon any outward appearances,
which indeed at present afford no clue to conjecture; but rather on
that cheerful dependence on the Divine guidance, and humble
submission to the Divine will, which characterise your feelings on
this subject. That promise seems to justify such
expectations. “Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him, and
He shall bring it to pass. He shall give thee the desires of thine
heart." Yet it may be dangerous to refer too often to such a
ground of hope, lest our very submission should become
interested." ...
Chapter
X. Residence at
Ongar
THE wishes Jane had
indulged were, for the most part, gratified in the removal to Ongar;
especially as regarded the house, its accommodations, and its
vicinity: and she once more enjoyed her room; which, though not an
attic, was all she could desire. The Castle House, which my father
occupied during the first three years of his residence at Ongar, was
a most picturesque, old-fashioned abode, containing ample space for
the pursuits of the family. It occupied a rising ground, just outside
the ancient market town - and afforded that quiet seclusion which was
so valued by its inmates. In the garden, perched on a lofty
well-timbered tumulus, and surrounded by a deep moat, stood some
remains of the old castle, from which the house derived its name.
Mr. Taylor occupied this
pleasant abode for a period of three years. During this time,
however, Jane was much from home. The winter was spent in London by
the two sisters, and devoted to perfecting themselves in some of
those lighter accomplishments which had hitherto been more or less
neglected in their education.
These frequent absences
from home, increasing literary engagements, and other circumstances,
induced my sister to relinquish her artistic pursuits, otherwise than
as an occasional recreation: this change in her occupations was made
without reluctance; though she always retained her fondness for
drawing: and indulged it occasionally for the gratification of her
friends: and she retained also, without any diminution, that vivid
relish for the beauties of nature, which perhaps seldom exists in its
highest degree, apart from some knowledge and practice of the
imitative arts.
The first letter written
after the removal of the family to Ongar, is addressed
TO MISS ELIZA FORBES
ONGAR, September 23rd,
1811
MY DEAR ELIZA,
This is the first time I
have dated from our new habitation; having at length restored things
to something like order, I sit down in my new room to address an old
friend. At present, I scarcely know where I am, or who I am; but now
that I find myself at the old favourite station — my writing desk,
and suffering my thoughts and affections to flow in an accustomed
channel, I begin to know myself again. And were it not for this,
there are certain cares and troubles, bearing my name and arms, which
will never suffer me long to question my personal identity; it is,
however, by a pleasure that I ascertain it this evening: I ought not,
therefore, to begin by complaining.
But, my dear friend, you
are looking forward towards a change so much more important than a
merely local one, that it may well appear to you comparatively
trifling. That which you are about to undergo is, of all changes, the
greatest and the most interesting but one; and that one, if brought
into comparison, makes even this appear insignificant. A recollection
of the certain and speedy termination of every earthly connexion is,
at such a season, likely rather to tranquillize than to depress the
spirits: it is calculated to allay anxiety, not to damp
enjoyment. When marriage is regarded as forming a connexion for life,
it appears, indeed, a tremendous experiment; but in truth it is only
choosing a companion for a short journey; yet, with this difference,
that if the fellow-travellers become greatly endeared to each other,
they have the cheering hope of renewed intercourse and perpetual
friendship at their journey's end ...
TO MISS MARIA HOLMAN
Having never yet been
called to encounter trials so severe as those with which you have
been exercised, I know I cannot fully enter into your feelings ; and
indeed, in all cases it is so true that "the heart knoweth its
own bitterness", that in general, perhaps silent sympathy is the
best kind of condolence. "To weep with those that weep,"
is, I believe, often an alleviation of grief; and the tenderest
friendship can do little more than this. It is well that, at those
times when the weakness and insufficiency of all human support are
peculiarly manifest, such consolations are received from above, as
enable mourners to rejoice in their losses, and to say, "It is
well for me that I have been afflicted." If the sympathy of
earthly friends is soothing and grateful to the wounded mind, how
consolatory must it be to know and feel that, even in the midst of
chastisement, "the Lord pitieth us as a father his children".
You know Montgomery's Joy of Grief,
and have felt its touching
sweetness, more perhaps than I can do. You have lost a friend — a
brother; and you have, I doubt not, enjoyed the Sabbath of the mind
which Christian resignation produces. In the common harassing trials
and vexations of life, there is seldom any mixture of that joy which
soothes and tranquillizes the mind under severer trials. But these
painful bereavements which, when contemplated at a distance, appear
perhaps too heavy to be borne, are rendered supportable by the strong
consolations with which they are usually attended; and most
frequently become occasions of thankfulness, on account of their
salutary effects on the mind.
Prone as our earthly
spirits are to cleave unto the dust, what should we be if all our
worldly hopes were to be realized? Wise and kind is that system of
discipline under which we are all placed; and when, at the close of
life, we come to look back upon our mental history, we shall never be
inclined to say of this affliction, or of that mortification: "It
might have been spared." We shall then see that our prayers for
spirituality of mind were answered by the removal of those worldly
joys which produced a contrary disposition; and that when we desired
that "our affections might be set on things above", our
dearest friends were taken there: that so Heaven might become dearer,
and earth less attractive. Such weaning events must tend, not only to
reconcile our minds to the shortness of life, but to make us rejoice
in it. We feel that "they are but light afflictions",
because "they are but for a moment".
A letter, which has no
date, may here be introduced:
Prayer is to me so
difficult a task, that when I have performed it with any degree of
correctness, I rise from my knees, exhausted both in body and mind;
every power is on the full stretch, and I have to labour and toil in
order to gain but a glimpse of Him whose face I desire to see; and to
realize His presence, and even His existence; and, if I relax for a
moment this painful exertion, then all is lost, and I seem to be
addressing a shadow; indeed, I fear that I never did address a single
petition, or direct a single thought to God. Do you know what I mean
by saying that my prayers seem to fall short of the object to whom I
would offer them?
Nor can I describe the
perplexity with which my mind is entangled whenever I attempt to
direct a thought towards the Saviour; I feel as though I had no
powers capable of viewing Him, or even of thinking of Him; and,
though I am interested whenever I hear or read of His name, and feel
encouraged and affected when I meet with the free and gracious
promises and invitations of the Gospel, yet when I attempt to apply
them, they seem to lose their value and importance. If I did but feel
sin to be a burden, surely I should soon learn to fly to Him, who
alone could release me from it; but this is my misery, I see not the
evil of sin; and though I know myself to be in cruel bondage to it,
and a slave to Satan, instead of a child of God, yet I love my
chains, for they do not gall me; and, with my eyes open, the word of
God before me, and knowing everything, but feeling nothing, I am
ready to say, I shall never have other views. It seems to me
impossible that so great a change should take place in me. I am only
surprised that I go on from day to day still seeking emancipation,
and feeling uneasy in my present state, for I feel perpetually ready
to give all up, and to draw back into perdition.
Were anything less than
the welfare of my immortal soul concerned, I should hesitate to
trouble you so repeatedly, with the detail of my difficulties and
fears; but here I hardly dare apologise — it is for my life — and I
cannot refrain. Many months have passed since I first made you
acquainted with the state of my mind, and though it is still
enveloped with the thickest darkness, I have never ceased to rejoice
that I did so. The knowledge that your disease — in some respects
similar to my own — has been so completely cured, has awakened a hope
which has encouraged me to persevere, when I believe I should
otherwise have given over, and you have instructed me in the way ...
TO MR JOSIAH CONDER
ONGAR, March 21st, 1812
If you are indeed so
happy as to be able to feel that "the attainment of your hope is
worthy only of secondary anxiety", you need not fear making me
melancholy by reminding me that "we must die to be happy":
it is a truth which, though at first admitted with reluctance,
becomes more and more welcome as one after another eludes us; till at
length it is received as the best and the only source of consolation.
We ought, however, to distinguish between the language of Christian
hope, and that of worldly despondency; between the cheerful desire
which rises towards "the mansions that are preparing on high",
and the gloomy contemplation of that solitude where "the weary
lie at rest". But it is not merely under the complete failure of
our schemes of happiness that this truth is impressed upon us; though
the accomplishment of them may, at first sight, appear inconsistent
with the grand condition of our pilgrimage: "in the world ye
shall have tribulation": experience soon teaches us how easily
our dearest delights become sources of trial; "each pleasure has
its poison too”; so that when the world has done its best for us,
we are still mercifully compelled to acknowledge that, "we must
die to be happy". May we both be supported by this hope in our
conflict with the last enemy! ...
About this time several
of Jane's friends entered into the married state, and received her
congratulations.
TO MISS SARAH LUCK CONDER
ONGAR, March 24th, 1812
MY VERY DEAR LUCK,
Though in much
uncertainty whether this letter will reach you amidst the bustle of
preparation, or after the grand event has taken place, I shall
venture to dispatch it, hoping that, under whatever circumstances it
may arrive, you will not deem it too great a trespass on your time to
receive my kindest wishes and most affectionate farewell. Though I
have no apprehension of feeling any diminution of interest and regard
towards my friend in a new character, yet I cannot but feel that I am
taking leave of a name endeared by many a year of friendly
intercourse; and while most sincerely rejoicing in a change which
seems in every respect likely to promote your comfort and happiness,
you will forgive me for mingling with my heartfelt congratulations,
some tears of tender regret. There are no forms of expression — at
least I cannot command any — which seem adequate to an occasion like
the present. With everything to feel, there seems little to be said:
the best wishes are so comprehensive, that they occupy but a small
space; and the strongest emotions are usually the least eloquent. You
have, my dear Luck, my most earnest wishes and prayers for every
blessing to attend you in your new and important situation; may you
look back upon the transactions of the approaching day with
increasing satisfaction and pleasure, every future year of your life!
We can now look back upon
past trials with feelings of joy and gratitude: how different is the
colouring of the clouds of care while they are spread over us in
dense and unbroken masses, and when they are rolling off far in the
distance, and leaving but a dark streak on the horizon! ...
TO
MRS. WITTY (Miss
S.L. Conder.)
ONGAR, May 1st, 1812.
MY VERY DEAR FRIEND,
In compliance with your
kind wish, as well as to gratify my own inclinations, I take up the
pen to address a line to you. Circumstances which I need not explain
have obliged me to defer writing till it is nearly time to dispatch
my letter, so that I am under the necessity of sending you an epistle
very inadequate to the importance and interest of the occasion. At a
future time, I shall hope to converse with you at leisure; now, I
must offer my congratulations with nearly as much brevity as you
conveyed your kind adieu; though not with less sincerity and
affection.
In this sorrowful world
the tones of joy and congratulation are so seldom heard, that one is
almost startled by the sound; but they acquire additional sweetness
from contrast: it is truly refreshing to me to turn from various
causes of pain and anxiety, to think of my dear Luck, and contemplate
her fair prospects. For though I have lived too long in this changing
world to imagine they will never be clouded; yet there is surely
every reason to hope that, with the right views and moderated
expectations with which you enter your new career, as large a portion
of temporal happiness will enliven it as can be desired by those who
are looking forward towards a better inheritance. That the blessing
of Heaven may rest upon you, my dear friend, in your new connexion,
is my sincere and earnest prayer for you.
Every day convinces me,
more and more, of the folly and uselessness of forming any defined
wishes for earthly happiness, either for myself or others that are
dear to me; nothing will do but resigning all to the disposal of Him
who not only knows, but does what is best for us. To Him I know you
have committed all the events of your future life; and, in this
cheerful dependence you must be safe and happy.
TO MRS GOLDING (Miss
Eliza Forbes)
ONGAR, May 11th, 1812
MY DEAR ELIZA,
There was no part of your
last kind letter more agreeable to me than that which expressed a
wish for maintaining a more regular and frequent epistolary
intercourse: on this the existence of our friendship must now, more
than ever, depend: at least, without this kind of communication it
cannot be either pleasant or profitable. You will give me credit for
the sincerity of this declaration; although my apparent inattention
might awaken contrary suspicions; at least, in a more recent
friendship. But you and I, dear Eliza, are too old and sober-minded
to indulge in dreams of cruel neglects and faithless friendships;
having, as I believe, entertained a sincere regard for each other for
many years — a regard which, though formed in the doubtful ardour of
youthful enthusiasm, has healthfully survived those short-lived
transports — it is no longer romantic to indulge the hope that the
mutual affection will be as permanent as it is sincere. I am not
indeed insensible to the disadvantageous consequences of an almost
total suspension of personal intercourse; and the still more
unpropitious effects of an entire dissimilarity of interests and of
occupations: still I am inclined to believe that there is a peculiar
interest attached to the connexions formed in childhood, or early
youth, which is not easily lost; and that those who are inseparably
united with the history of our fairy
years may insure a place in the
lively and affectionate recollections, even of declining age. I have
wandered so far from my unfinished apology, that I think you will not
wish me to retrace my steps in search of it; I will, therefore, only
add my sincere wish and intention to atone for past remissness by
future regularity.
Letter-writing is much
more of a task to me than it used to be: often, when I should enjoy a
tete-a-tete, to converse on paper with a friend is almost burdensome.
I know not whether it is that I am growing old, or stupid, or lazy;
though I rather suspect, all three. Seriously, however, I am
certainly experiencing some of the disadvantages of increasing
years. With the follies of youth, a portion of its vigour too is
fled; and being deficient in constitutional or moral energy to supply
its place, my mind is hanging as limp as a dead leaf. But perhaps,
dear Eliza, you will scarcely thank me for talking of the effects of
years, in which respect I am so little beforehand with you. I do not,
however, ascribe all to the depredations of time; many a gay lady of
five-and-forty retains more of youth than I do; and in you, though
not a gay lady, will long, I hope, appear a young and lovely wife. So
I will take this opportunity to turn to a more pleasing subject, and
tell you how much I rejoice to hear from yourself how agreeably you
are realizing the fair prospects which have so lately opened upon
you; and from others, with what peace and propriety you occupy the
new and important station upon which you have entered: may you long
enjoy and adorn it, my dear friend! Earthly happiness (comfort I
should rather say, for I believe the former exists only in the
Dictionary) is indeed to be prized when it does not interfere with
Higher pursuits; and still more so when it tends to assist and
stimulate them.
The ease and leisure
afforded by such a lot as yours, is, in this view, highly desirable:
it presents the most favourable opportunities for usefulness to
others; and to yourself, for growing in meetness for the heavenly
inheritance. Happy are you, dear Eliza, that it is your highest
ambition thus to improve them. While some are driven through life as
over a stormy sea — incessantly tossed and thwarted by the restless
billows, till they arrive, faint and weary, at the haven of rest,
others are permitted to ramble at leisure through a pleasant vale,
till they gradually ascend to the everlasting hills: and of how
little consequence is it by which course we are led, so long as our
wanderings do but terminate in the same blissful country. We all
receive the kind of discipline which our peculiar dispositions
require; and if it is severe, we may be sure it is necessary too ...
Chapter
XI. First and second visit to Devonshire
MY sister's taste for the beauties of nature was gratified about this
time, by a residence of some months in the most romantic part of
Devonshire. The occasion of this visit must be mentioned, as it
determined the course of her life for several succeeding years.
The brother, to whose part it has fallen to prepare this Memoir, had
lately spent some months in the west of England, for the recovery of
his health, and had returned to London greatly benefited; but on the
approach of the following winter, being again advised to seek a milder
climate, it was determined that his two sisters should accompany him to
Devonshire.
Having just before roamed over a great part of that delightful county,
and become familiar with its beauties, it was to him a pleasure of the
liveliest kind, to introduce his sisters to these novel scenes. With
young persons whose taste for the beauties of nature is very strong,
and who have been accustomed only to the uniform surface and the simple
rural amenities of the eastern counties, a first sight of the scenery
of the west of England excites the most vivid delight. Jane felt these
pleasures to the full; and even after a second and a lengthened
residence at Ilfracombe had rendered her familiar with its scenery, the
pleasure with which she rambled daily among its rocks was undiminished.
During the whole of the first winter passed at Ilfracombe, the change
in my sister's mode of life was almost as great as it could be; for
instead of that assiduous occupation of her time to which she had
always been accustomed, the mornings, whenever the weather permitted,
were spent in social or solitary rambles, and the evenings, most often,
in agreeable society — and some highly agreeable society was indeed to
be found at Ilfracombe. Except in maintaining correspondence with her
friends, I do not know that she wrote anything during this winter; the
time, however, was not lost, for she not only improved in health, but
she gained greater breadth of mind and wealth of imagination, and
acquired those more free habits of thought which are scarcely
compatible with unremitted application.
Yet she was impatient of this long-continued inaction. "I have found,"
she says, "that any great external interest, for a continuance, will
not agree with my mind; it is living upon dainties, instead of plain
food. Accustomed to expect my evening's entertainment from myself, in
some kind of mental exertion, a complete relaxation from this, and
depending wholly, for many months, on external means of gratification,
is a kind of indulgence which will not do to live upon; my mind never
had so long a holiday, and I feel it is time to send it home."
Referring in a letter of a later date to the same period, she writes:
As to my employments during the winter, it is very true that I have
been disappointed in my expectations of writing: but I have not
neglected any favourable opportunity, for none has presented itself. I
went to Ilfracombe, expecting to find there complete retirement and
much leisure. You know how mistaken we were in this calculation. The
engagement of the evenings with our welcome visitors, completely
deprived me of the only time I can ever profitably devote to writing. I
am far, however, from thinking this a lost winter, or that I have
enjoyed a too expensive pleasure: for I would not but have known and
seen what I have at Ilfracombe, for twice the expense of time and
money. I do, however, look forward, with much satisfaction, to the
prospect of resuming my former habits after this long relaxation; and,
whenever I take up the pen again, I hope to reap the advantage of the
past winter.
The swell of the sea is not indeed so great at Ilfracombe as it is on
the north-western coast of Cornwall; but when the pent-up tides of the
British Channel meet a hurricane from the Atlantic, and the contention
falls upon the sharp and towering precipices of this coast, the beauty
and terror of a sea-storm can hardly be better displayed. Not at all
intimidated by rain or wind, Jane would seldom stay within, when the
breaking of the sea over the house in which we lodged, announced the
coming storm.
The neighbourhood of Ilfracombe has also, in several spots, the charm
of rural and sequestered beauty. The deep ravines which commence upon
the elevated moors and run down to the sea-side, are, some of them,
thickly wooded, or they were so fifty years ago, and are studded with
stone-built, ivy-covered cottages; and though not on the largest scale,
these glens present in their way the most perfect combinations of
picturesque objects. Scenery of this kind is much less dependent upon
the decorations of summer than the wooded slopes of a merely rural
country; for there it is alone the clustered evergreens that hide the
desolation of the season; but here the permanent forms are equally
beautiful with those that are transient: and indeed, many of these
spots produce a more congruous effect upon the mind in the gloom of a
December afternoon, than under the splendours of July.
The Poem entitled Philip,
opens with a descriptive passage which will
at once be recognised by any reader who has traversed the coast of
North Devon. The peculiar scenery of Lea filled Jane's imagination: it
was her favourite walk; and having heard the melancholy story of a
secluded being who, with his maniac daughter, had long inhabited one of
its few dwellings, she fixed upon it as the scene of a history which
floated in her mind for three or four years, but of which only a
portion was ever committed to paper.
The following letter to her friend, Mr. Josiah Conder, may here find a
place:
ILFRACOMBE, November 14th, 1812
... Though you may consider this as a tardy performance of my promise,
it is, I assure you, but the second letter I have dated from hence. I
perceive that it is all in vain to run to the remotest corner of the
earth for retirement and leisure; at least, it is in vain to seek for
them amid the rocks of Ilfracombe ... I wish I could introduce you for
a moment (or as much longer as you could stay) to our comfortable
fireside, around which we often talk of those we have left, till we
forget the distance which separates us. ... I promise not to detain you
long with descriptions of the scenery around us, to which it would
probably be more toil than pleasure to listen. For in such cases, where
the imagination of the writer can fly, that of the reader must climb;
and perhaps she is wholly indisposed to the exertion. Besides that, it
is not the most agreeable thing to be told that "you can form no idea —
you can't imagine — you never saw anything like it," etc. So then, to
do the thing more politely, I must tell you that I had formed no idea
of the kind of scenery with which we are surrounded; and that I had
never before seen anything like it, was evident from the effect it at
first produced upon me.
Ilfracombe is situated in a deep valley, surrounded on one side by
barren hills, and on the other by stupendous rocks which skirt the sea.
Our lodgings very pleasantly overlook the harbour, which affords us
constant entertainment. The sea is close behind the house, and is so
near a neighbour, that, during the last high tides, the waves rose in
immense sheets of foam, and fell over a high wall opposite our chamber
windows it also flowed into the house in front, and kept us close
prisoners. Our walks in every direction are so interesting, that, while
the weather permitted, we spent a great part of the day abroad. Our
rambles among the rocks I enjoy most; though at first they excited
sensations of awe and terror, rather than of pleasure. But now we climb
without fear amid a wilderness of rocks, where nothing else can be
seen, and nothing heard, but the roar of the distant sea; here the only
path is over the huge fragments which lie scattered in all directions,
and which it requires some courage as well as dexterity to scale.
Besides these, we have several cheerful walks, commanding the sea,
bounded to the north by a beautiful line of Welsh mountains. Their
aspects are very various; at times appearing only like faint clouds in
the horizon; but when the weather is clear, and the sun shines upon
them, they exhibit an exquisite variety of light and shade, and
delicate colouring, finished by distance, like the finest miniature.
From some of the highest hills we have distinctly perceived the
buildings on the nearer part of the coast; to the west the wide ocean
is before us:
Now sparkling with sunbeams, now dimpled with oars,
Now dark with the
fresh-blowing gale.
The rocky cliffs of Lundy Island add beauty and interest to the scene
...
ILFRACOMBE, February 24th, 1813.
MY DEAR FATHER, MOTHER, AND CO
The appointed interval of silence being nearly expired, I undertake to
despatch another sheet, though with no news to communicate, but as no
news is good news, you cannot complain. We have had lately some very
mild spring weather, and often think how pretty the Ongar garden is
looking with snowdrops, just as it did this time last year when we
returned from our London expedition. Here we do not see much to denote
the change of seasons, as the barren hills and rocks owe little to
these variations ... About a week ago, we had some rough weather, and a
great deal of thunder and lightning; the first storm there has been
since October. The sea was very fine — I only wish I could tell you how
fine. We were called out of bed one morning by the Fortescues to go and
see it. The same day we went out among the rocks, and took shelter from
an approaching storm in a fine but tremendous cavern. The sea was then
rolling like the loudest thunder, the clouds hanging
heavily over it, and we expected lightning as well as rain. Nothing
could be finer, if we had not been frightened. At last we set off in
hopes of escaping the storm. Our way home was over
perilous fragments of rock among which we had to scamper at full speed;
I got a heavy fall and sprained my arm. The rain came
on in torrents, and we were all soaked through. A few days before an
Irish packet put into Ilfracombe for a day or so, on its way from
Bristol to Cork. One of the passengers was a young lady, the daughter
of a dissenting minister of Cork, who took lodgings close to us, and we
and the Gunns became acquainted with her; we felt for her, as she was
greatly afraid of the water. When the packet set sail we went to see
her off, with many good wishes for a prosperous voyage. All the
passengers seemed very merry as they sailed out of the harbour; and we
were shocked to hear a day or two afterwards that during the storm
which blew last night, three of the people were washed overboard and
lost. We hear so many affecting things of this kind here, that we shall
feel much more than ever on a stormy night.
We have been very busy lately in helping Mr. Gunn to form a Book
Society here. He is soliciting everybody for presents for it. We
promised to ask Father if he had anything to bestow, thinking he might
very well spare a copy of Lowell's Sermons:
if he is willing, let it be
sent, with anything else he does not care for.
Your affectionate, Jane
A name here occurs which may deserve a brief notice: it is that of a
gifted man whose influence over my sister's mind was more than
transient. Mr. Daniel Gunn, a Scotch minister, had charge, at the time
of our sojourn at Ilfracombe, of a small dissenting congregation in the
town. He was from the extreme north — Wick, in
Caithness: a highlander of the finest type, and in style and
appearance, or seen on horseback, would no doubt have been thought
military rather than clerical in his training and associations. Heading
a company of Highlanders in a charge, he would have seemed to be more
in his place than when expounding Scripture to fifty poor folks in a
meeting-house. In private (and he was a very frequent guest at our
lodgings) there was a charm in Mr. Gunn's manner and a life in his
conversation which made centre and the sovereign of every company.
Keen, wary — reticent as a Scotchman, he was nevertheless an enthusiast
in his way — and, must it not be added? a fanatic too. The
influence he had with young persons — the children of Sunday Schools,
was magical; and the Sunday School was his chosen sphere. Surrounded by
children and young persons — whether scores of such at Ilfracombe, or
hundreds afterwards at Christchurch — his look — the glance of his eye
— was law to the crowd: who could resist that fiery eye? And yet it was
a fire shot forth from a loving nature: a loving nature, and yet its
demonstrations were such as to need much charitable interpretation in
frequent instances. Mr. Gunn had brought with him from Scotland a
hatred of prelacy, and of Establishments, and of liturgical worship,
which was intense to the last degree — it was a fanaticism, and almost
an insanity. This deep passion nevertheless so ruled itself within him
that, on the exterior, all was bland, courteous, gentlemanlike. He soon
found or felt that we, his new friends, although at that time good
dissenters enough, after the tame English fashion, were very far from
being alive to the infinite importance of the principles of Dissent;
ours was a milk-and-water nonconformity: we could speak of bishops, and
not burn as we spoke; or we might even on occasion enter a
Church! Our wary friend did not assail this
indifference with vehemence. He felt his way. His influence over us was
great, and he used it with caution. The result of this influence in the
two years of our intercourse, was — with my sisters, to invigorate
their non-conformity; and with Jane it was enough to give point to some
passages in Essays in Rhyme
which otherwise would have been wanting in
so much animation.
Happily, friendships were soon after formed with pious persons, members
of the Established Church, which availed to moderate and modify this
eager polemic feeling. I believe that Mr. Gunn in his later years at
Christchurch was eminently useful, and always much respected.
Early in the spring of the year 1813, we prepared to leave Ilfracombe:
in the expectation of doing so, my sister says:
In a week or two we expect to take our leave of Ilfracombe. Thus ends
another short chapter of the little history of life. Like many others
its contents have not corresponded with the title, it has disappointed
our fears, and greatly exceeded our expectations of enjoyment: may it
end with a hymn of praise!
The most romantic part of the Devonshire coast is about eighteen miles
east of Ilfracombe: this spot we determined to visit on our way home.
The excursion is described by Jane in a letter written from Linton to
her father and mother:
Here we are at this celebrated part of North Devon. We arrived
yesterday, about four o'clock, and I think you will pity us when I tell
you that, from an hour after we left Ilfracombe to the present moment,
it has rained incessantly. We calculated upon arriving in time for a
ramble before evening, and hoped to spend the whole of this day in
exploring the beauties of the place; instead of all this, we have been
obliged to content ourselves with sitting before a blazing fire —
turning over Warner's Walk in the
Western Counties, the Miseries of
Human Life, and an odd volume of the Gentleman's Magazine. Nor is this
all; for I awoke yesterday at Ilfracombe with every symptom of a bad
cold, which is now at its height; so that I have no hope of going out,
even if the weather had cleared up — this is pleasure! Ann and Isaac
have twice ventured out in the course of the day, and have taken a
hasty view of the Valley of Rocks, and of the village of Linmouth; and
I have had the satisfaction of hearing a description of what I am
within half a mile of, and came on purpose to see. However, not to make
the worst of our story, I must add that when we arrived within two
miles of Linton, a scene of grandeur and beauty opened upon us, which
alone would repay us for coming. We had travelled several miles over a
high, wild, and dreary tract of country; giving the idea of travelling
over the world as a planet, and rendered still more desolate in
appearance by torrents of rain. We were obliged to continue in the
carriage, ascending hills, where travellers almost always alight to
relieve the horses, and were even constrained to do the same in passing
a frightful precipice, where there is neither fence nor hedge, and
where a chaise very lately fell over. At this point,
a fine mountain scene opened upon us; and a sudden turn of the road
discovered the enchanting vale and village of Linmouth, close to the
sea, and at the base of rocks of tremendous height, and most
exquisitely diversified in their colouring. After a long and steep
ascent, we reached the Inn, where, fortunately, the room we occupy
overlooks a considerable part of this fine prospect. This Inn stands
near the edge of the precipice that overhangs the sea, and seems to be
in the clouds. To-morrow morning we are to meet a chaise from Minehead,
at the top of the opposite hill — the ascent being so steep that
chaises rarely come across the valley."
The letter is continued from Axminster:
On Thursday morning, finding my cold surprisingly better, and the
weather being finer, I resolved at least to see the Valley of Rocks:
so, at half-past five, we set off at full speed, and I was gratified
with a hasty sight of it. The place gives the idea of gigantic
architectural ruins; and the impression left upon my mind by the
novelty and silent solemnity of this magnificent scene, will not soon
be effaced. We returned to breakfast at the Inn, and directly
afterwards set off to climb the opposite hill, attended by a horse with
panniers, carrying our baggage. This walk afforded us an opportunity of
seeing something of the beauties of the vale of Linmouth, which I will
not attempt to describe. At the summit of the hill we found our chaise;
and at the end of the day reached Taunton, where we stayed a day, and
the next, set out for Axminster, and found the kindest welcome from our
dear friends.
With these kind friends, and with others in the south of Devon and
Dorsetshire, some weeks were very agreeably passed by my sisters,
before their return to their father's house, where they spent the next
summer. During her stay at Ongar, Jane took an active part, I believe
for the first time, in a Sunday-school, then lately established at some
distance from the town; but of her labours in the Sunday-school I shall
again have occasion to speak. On the approach of the autumn, it once
more seemed desirable to return to Devonshire; and Jane's sisterly
affection was now tried, not only by the call to banish herself from a
kind and comfortable home, but by the necessity of leaving behind her
the companion of her former excursion; for her sister was now preparing
to leave her father's roof for one of her own. Jane expresses her
poignant feelings at this separation from the constant companion of her
life, in a letter which was addressed to Mr. Josiah Conder, some time
after her return to Devonshire:
ILFRACOMBE, February 17th, 1814
Although many months have now elapsed since we parted in the Barnstaple
coach, and although in all that time you have received nothing from me
but a postscript, I cannot plead any of the engagements with which you
accuse me, of the whole list, there is not more than one that I can
plead guilty even of thinking about. Yet your conjecture that I have
been “wondrous busy", is perfectly correct. You well know how one week
after another slides away, in every day of which we intend to write to
our friend “to-morrow"; and when to-morrow comes, even if some pressing
occupation does not fill it, it finds us so dull and flat, that we
resolve to devote the evening to some "outer court" correspondent, for
whom the only requisite materials are pen, ink, and paper. Thus it was
with me during the months of November and December. Of January I can
give a better account; for one fatal morning, early in that month, Miss
March and I set off for Barnstaple. I said, "Good-bye, I shall return
on Saturday;" but it was exactly a month before I saw Ilfracombe again;
being imprisoned by the snow all that time. I wished to have written to
you from thence, but even friendship is not warm enough to keep ink and
fingers from freezing during a sharp frost, except by the fireside, and
that agreeable trio — fire, friendship, and solitude, did not meet me
there. I have been back only for a fortnight, the last week of which
has been occupied in entertaining Mr. Gardner, who has been our guest.
He left us this afternoon, and this evening I am at your service,
having clearly proved it to be the first in the last five months in
which I could write to you.
Much has occurred in our little circle since we last met; so much, that
if you were to ask me now, I could scarcely get through the whole. The
recollection of all that has taken place sometimes makes me melancholy,
and sometimes it makes me glad; but oftener it makes me neither the one
nor the other. But this indifference, or rather sameness of feeling,
under the important changes of life, always makes me melancholy when I
think about it.
After walking so far through the vale of tears, inseparable companions,
Ann and Jane are at last divided a few short interviews is all,
perhaps, we shall ever more see of each other on this side the grave.
We are both still in the vale of tears, and shall continue to weep and
to smile as heretofore; but not together: our way will still be
chequered by cloud and sunshine; but it may often be stormy weather
with one, while the other is enjoying a clear sky. But tears will not
always flow; the heartrending feelings once over, the common
temperature of happiness returns. It is but
occasionally that I have leisure to ruminate upon our separation, and
then it is difficult fully to realize it. It is very true that we
cannot always be as miserable as we wish — cheerfulness steals upon us
insensibly, and we are surprised to find ourselves tolerably happy
again, in spite of our heroic resolutions to the contrary. You will
think these reflections unsuitable to the occasion, and perhaps say
that I am too inexperienced in suffering to offer remarks upon the
subject: of this, however, I must be allowed to be the best judge;
though I have hitherto been mercifully preserved from the severer and
more sudden strokes of the rod, I am not unacquainted with sorrow; and
it is in consequence of what has passed in my own mind that I am
sceptical as to the existence of such a thing as incurable grief,
though it is often talked of.
The following letter recites the incidents of our return to Ilfracombe.
ILFRACOMBE, October 2nd, 1813
MY DEAR FAMILY,
Without preface I must tell you that we arrived here in safety, and
that we experienced no kind of inconvenience from the journey ... We
accomplished all we had to do in good time, and after a refreshment in
Bucklersbury, set off with S_ and J_, who sat in the coach with us a
quarter of an hour till it drove off ... At the White Horse Cellars we
took up passengers, one of whom was a large woman with a sick baby, and
a bundle as large as both. We were greatly discomfited at this; but by
variety of eloquence, I succeeded in persuading her to remove into the
other compartment at the next stage, which she quietly occupied for the
rest of the journey. This was a great relief, and on we went very
comfortably; it was a fine night, and the morning broke beautifully
over Salisbury Plain. We got to Taunton at eight, had a good supper,
and went to bed; but owing to the fatigue, I fell into such a profound
sleep, that in the morning the porter, after rattling at the door
several minutes, went and told Isaac that he could not "wake the lady".
Isaac, much alarmed, gave orders for the door to be broken open; but
previously calling through the crack, I answered, and when he found I
was not dead, he spoke rather smartly. This was merely the effect of
unusual fatigue, as I am now very wakeful. It was rather singular that
the next town I came to I saw this chalked upon a wall: "She is not
dead, but sleepeth!" It was scarcely light when we
left Taunton, but by the time we got to Bishop's Hull the day had
dawned, and we saw Mr. Gunn's pretty cottage all shut up, and the
curtains drawn above stairs. The cruel coach flew by, and I went on
feeling much more than I usually do at 5 o'clock in the morning! As we
got to Barnstaple before five, and as the evening was very promising,
we determined to go on immediately ... As the evening began to close in
over those dreary hills, it seemed as though we were taking leave of
the world, and we could not help pitying ourselves — two lonely
travellers, at such a distance from our home and friends. The evening
was very dull, and the greatest part of the way it was more than
twilight. In order to keep up our spirits, we talked of the
cheerfulness of Ilfracombe, and the comforts of our home there. About
eight o'clock we entered the town; the light of the blacksmith's shop
showed us the Meeting as we drove by. When we arrived at Mrs.
Blackmore's we were pleased to hear Peggy called for; the rooms are all
nicely done up, and everything clean and comfortable.
Monday Morning.
By riding outside a few miles, I took a cold which, though not violent,
confined me indoors all Saturday; which I greatly lamented as it was
very fine, and Isaac took the first walks alone. I have now scarcely
any remains of it, but as yesterday was Sunday, and this is a rainy
morning, I have not yet even been on to the Lanthorn Rock ... Peggy is
just as usual, and always coughs (as before) when she opens the door ...
ILFRACOMBE, November 31st, 1813
MY DEAR FAMILY,
Perhaps the appointed time for writing is scarcely arrived; but at this
important period, we feel very impatient for home news, and for a few
weeks to come we must not grudge postage, and I hope you will not
grudge time to satisfy our solicitude. The pleasure with which I used
to look at the Castle House is much abated since mother's letter. We
long, of course, to know how it is likely to go. If you are to be
moved, perhaps it will be a more healthful or perhaps a less expensive
situation. I hope at least you will not have to turn out before
Michaelmas ... Thank you, dear Jemima, for your interesting journal,
the beginning of which we hope to receive. We are very glad that you
have had so much pleasure, and hope it will do you good in every sense.
We went yesterday morning at ten o'clock with Miss March, to see a
hunt, and climbed the highest hills beyond the church, called the Great
Mollicot — about these we scampered in pursuit of the sport for three
hours, following the hunt through hill and dale, and a fine sight it
was amongst that noble scenery. At last we actually joined the party,
being introduced by Mrs. Hill's brother; and among horses, and
huntsmen, and the whole pack of dogs, we pressed on to see the poor
hare started. We saw her crouching down in a hedge, and in a moment
dart out and scamper over the hills, with the whole party in full
pursuit. Returning from this exploit we were not in the least fatigued,
and could have set out again with pleasure ... Everybody tells me I am
looking much better than when I came, and that I am growing fat. You
would have been surprised if you could have looked in upon us a few
days ago, and seen two little girls at our table. Three Irish packets,
full of passengers, were windbound here, and we heard that on board of
one were two little children, with nobody to take care of them but an
old soldier. We therefore sent for them to spend a day with us, and
found they were officers' children going to their parents at Kilkenny,
in Ireland. Upon further inquiry we found they had just come from
Colchester, where they had been two years and a half at boarding-school
with Miss Balls on Easthill! They were pretty little creatures of seven
and eight. The old corporal had been all the way to Colchester for
them, and they were very fond of him. We had them again on Sunday, on
which day they sailed, and we saw them off. We gave
them our hymns, and some tracts. After many disappointments Miss
__ arrived last Tuesday. I waited on her next
morning. Her first appearance rather disappointed me. She is far from
the delicate beauty one might expect a sister of __'s to be. She is,
however, altogether a fine girl. She sent her compliments to me on
Sunday morning, and said Mr. Hunt was going to preach, and she would be
glad if I would go to church with her. Poor Peggy hesitated and looked
quite frightened when she delivered the message. Of course I begged to
be excused. Miss __ says he certainly does preach the Gospel, and from
what we hear, I believe he is trying to do so. He abstains from all gay
company and cards, and seems quite the divine ... Our hours, of which
Ann inquires, are professedly the same as before, only that we really
aim to breakfast at eight, and should generally do so if Peggy were
punctual; and we really sup at nine when we are alone, and retire very
regularly when the clock strikes ten; so that when you are just sitting
down to supper, we are going to bed ...
In the beginning of October, Jane and her brother were once more
comfortably settled at Ilfracombe; and though the social attractions
of the place were now less than they had been on our first visit, it
still contained kind friends; and the advantage of more leisure and
seclusion was now enjoyed and improved by my sister, who presently
resumed her literary pursuits with eagerness.
At the close of this year, Jane addressed a letter to her sister on the
occasion of her marriage to the Rev. Joseph Gilbert — then one of the
tutors of the Theological College at Rotherham. From this letter the
following passages are extracted:
ILFRACOMBE, December 18th, 1813.
MY DEAR ANN,
I cannot suffer this interesting morning to pass without something of a
salutation from Ilfracombe; and I dare say this letter will arrive in
good company; but I am sure no one will address you who can feel on
this occasion either so glad or so sorry as I do. So far as you only
are concerned, I think I am entirely glad, and feel as perfectly
satisfied and happy as one can do about untried circumstances. But I
cannot forget that this morning, which forms one indissoluble
partnership, dissolves another, which we had almost considered so. From
the early days of "Moll and Bett", down to these last times, we have
been more inseparable companions than sisters usually are, and our
pursuits and interests have been the same. My thoughts of late have
often wandered back to those distant years, and passed over the varied
scenes which chequered our childhood and youth: there is scarcely a
recollection, in all that long period, in which we are not mutually
concerned, and equally interested. If this separation had taken place
ten years ago, we might, by this time, have been in some degree
estranged from each other; but having passed so large and important a
portion of life in such intimate union, I think we may confidently say
it never will be so. For brothers and sisters to separate is the common
lot; for their affection and interest to remain unabated is not common,
but I am sure it is possible, and I think the experience we have
already had, proves that we may expect its
continuance. Farewell, my dear Ann! and in this
emphatical farewell, I would comprehend all the wishes, the prayers,
the love, the joy, and the sorrow, which it would be so difficult to
express in more words. If there is a dash of bitterness in the grief
with which I bid you farewell, it is only from the recollection that I
have not been to you the sister that I might have been. My feelings
have been so strongly excited to-day, that I cannot bear more of it;
and I must leave you to imagine what more I would say on this occasion.
I cannot — no, I cannot realize the busy scene at the Castle House, nor
fancy you in your bridal appearance. I intend to place myself before
the view of the house, about the time I imagine you will be walking
down the gravel-walk, and stand there while you are at church, and till
I think you are coming back again. How strange — how sad, that I cannot
be with you! What a world is this, that its brightest pleasures are,
almost invariably, attended with the keenest heart-rendings.
My mother's feelings in parting with her daughter, though she had every
reason to rejoice on the occasion, were very strongly excited: with the
hope of administering comfort, Jane addressed to her a letter, of which
the following is a part:
I hope that, even so soon as this, Time has performed his kind office,
and taken off the edge of your sorrow. If I did not know that he can
perform wonders, even in a few days, I could not venture to say
so. I was grieved indeed, but not much surprised to
hear that you felt the parting so acutely; and when reading your
description of it, almost congratulated myself that I was so far off.
Now, however, I would gladly come, and be your comforter if I could. My
dear father and mother, we have felt much for you — believe that you
have the love and the prayers of your absent children. I seldom close
my eyes without thinking of you, and hoping you are comfortable. I feel
the separation more this time than I did before, though in all other
respects I enjoy as much comfort as I can expect to do in
this world. I am rejoiced to know that you have had the solace of dear
S_.'s tenderness; and in this respect, you have indeed been gainers by
my absence; she has, I know, done all that human sympathy can do, to
console and soothe you.
I walked here (to Barnstaple) last Wednesday with Miss March, without
any fatigue, though it is ten miles of incessant up-and-down hill. The
deepest snow remembered in Devonshire set in the day after I came, and
has so blocked up the roads, that I am detained a close prisoner. I
intended to have returned on Monday, but they are so unused to snow
here, that no one will venture to go, though I should not be afraid. I
cannot tell, therefore, how long I may be detained. Though I am very
comfortable at Mr. Gardiner's, I am now impatient to
return home, as I left my brother only for a day or two.
The snow continued to render the road between Barnstaple and Ilfracombe
nearly impassable for more than a month. Jane's solicitude on her
brother's account induced her to hazard the journey the first day on
which it was pronounced to be practicable; and she returned to
Ilfracombe on horseback, some time before any carriage could pass the
road. Without obtruding what relates to myself, in this Memoir, I could
not fully display the self-denying, indefatigable, and tender assiduity
with which Jane devoted herself to her brother's comfort; to promote
his restoration to health was, indeed, the business of her life, during
several years. The reader of her memoir must not forget this principal
feature of Jane's character — her generous devotedness to the welfare
of those she loved, though the exemplification of it may appear in
these pages less prominently than it might.
The marriage of her sister Ann, and the consequent separation of the
sisters, hitherto such constant companions, may properly afford
opportunity for a brief notice of the highly estimable and accomplished
man who thus came in to divide the sisters. The Rev. Joseph Gilbert, at
the time now spoken of, was Classical Tutor at the Rotherham
Independent College — Dr. Williams being the Theological Tutor and
Principal. Mr. Gilbert had himself received his College training in
that College, where his attainments — classical and mathematical, and
his powers of thought — had brought him into a conspicuous position
among his fellows, and especially had won for him the regard of Dr.
Williams, himself a man of very eminent ability, and favourably known
by his theological and metaphysical writings. The trustees of the
College, listening to the advice of the Principal, to the wishes of the
students, and to a prevailing opinion of Mr. Gilbert's ability, invited
him to take the position in the College which he retained, together
with the charge of a congregation at Sheffield, for several years, and
until his removal to Hull.
It had been by the perusal of several much talked-of articles in the
recently established Eclectic Review,
of which Ann Taylor was reported
to be the author, that Mr. Gilbert was induced to seek an introduction
to her. The first interview took place at Ilfracombe, during the first
winter of our sojourn there. The marriage took place
in the following winter, while Jane and her brother were a second time
making it their home. Mr. Gilbert, after some years' ministrations at
Hull, removed to Nottingham, taking charge of the Friar's Lane
congregation. It was there that he died in 1852. A man of the warmest
benevolence, of extraordinary intelligence, extensive acquirements,
excellent judgment in common affairs, and withal of deep and elevated
piety. His wife, the Ann of the Original
Poems and Hymns,
passed
peacefully away on the 20th of December, 1866, surrounded by her sons,
her daughters, and her grandchildren.
The seclusion and leisure of this second winter at Ilfracombe were
employed by my sister in writing the earlier portions of the tale
entitled Display. She
commenced it with a definite idea of the
characters she designed to portray; but without any specific plan for
the development of the story. She followed, every day, the suggestion
of the moment; and this was, perhaps, the only way in which she could
ever have written. It was her custom, in a solitary ramble among the
rocks, for half an hour after breakfast, to seek that pitch of
excitement without which she never took up the pen. This fever of
thought was usually exhausted in two or three hours of writing, after
which she enjoyed a social walk, and seldom attempted a second effort
in the day; for she had now adopted the salutary plan of writing in the
morning only. To this plan she adhered ever after with only occasional
exceptions.
A letter to Mrs. Golding exhibits the tranquil happiness she enjoyed at
Ilfracombe.
April 23rd 1814, ... I doubt not that your natural vivacity and vigour
of mind will enable you to retain, much longer than I shall, some of
the sweetest feelings of youth. Those which are connected with its
follies we wish not to retain; but there is a delicious glow of feeling
which already, I am conscious, has lost much of its warmth. At this
beautiful reviving season, I am reminded of that spring which is for
ever passed away. But I would not have this letter tinged with the
melancholy such reflections are apt to bring with them, especially as
it is very far from my usual state of feeling. I am as happy now as I
can expect ever to be in this troublous world; and could I feel a
little more security of the continuance of my present circumstances, I
should not have a wish with respect to external things. But this would
be too much like a rest to be good for me. Even the recollection of the
spring of life being gone by, occasions melancholy, only because our
views are so much confined to this infancy of our existence; to
cultivate an intimacy with the circumstances relating to its future
stages is truly the only wisdom; for this alone can reconcile us to the
decaying conditions of mortality. I can easily believe that those who
have but lately entered into the important relations of life, feel
rather as if it were but just begun, than approaching its termination;
but I, who am sailing down the stream of time without any such
interruption, am more conscious of progression, and have more leisure
to look back upon the past, and to expect the future. But I had
intended quite another strain; perhaps the scene before me has made me
thus sentimental. The tide is just filling the pretty harbour, and the
evening sun shines mellowly on the rich rocky banks opposite, and on
the venerable hill which fronts the port. I enjoy, though not as I once
should have enjoyed, this fine spring, in this charming place.
Chapter
XII. Residence at Marazion – publication of Display and Essays in Rhyme – contributions to
the Youths' Magazine
MY sister's literary engagements were suspended during the following
summer by our departure from Ilfracombe. Having determined to spend the
next winter in Cornwall, we held ourselves ready to take the first
opportunity that should offer of going thither by sea. It was on a fine
evening in June that we left Ilfracombe in a small fishing vessel,
intending to pass round the Land's End to Mount's Bay; but Jane
suffered so much from sickness that, in the evening of the next day, we
landed at St. Ives; and after spending a few days there, proceeded to
Marazion, where we had already engaged lodgings.
ST. IVES, June 11th, 1814.
MY DEAR FATHER, MOTHER, ETC
I am thankful to say we landed here safe last night, and as the letter
informing you of our intended departure from Ilfracombe was not put in
the post till yesterday, I am in hopes the letters will arrive nearly
together, so that
you will have little or no suspense. We set sail from Ilfracombe at
nine o'clock, on Thursday evening. A mild pleasant breeze wafted us
out of the harbour, and some friends stood waving their handkerchiefs
to us on the Lanthorn Rock. We sat upon deck till it was nearly dark,
and then were obliged to go into the cabin, in which there was
something like a bed for me and a shelf for Isaac. We were tolerably
comfortable till about two in the morning, when a fresh breeze sprung
up, and almost directly I called out, "Oh! I'm sick!" and
the answer was, "So am I." From that till the moment we
landed we continued so with very short intervals, and those were not
free from miserable qualmishness — never did I suffer so much. I
could not rise from my bed all the day, though I much wished to see
the coast as we passed. We set off, intending to go round to
Marazion, but gladly accepted the proposal of the Master to put into
St. Ives, for it seemed as though another night of it would have
killed me. The sailors were extremely kind and tender, and paid us
every attention they could. I was sick to the very moment of being
carried into the boat which brought us on shore, and when we came to
the Inn, I could only lie all my length on the floor till
bed-time. Isaac was not nearly so much troubled, which I was very
glad of, and I doubt not we shall both soon feel the good effects of
the voyage, which is reckoned extremely beneficial. The night before
we set sail, I felt my courage failing, and could sleep but little
with the thought of the voyage; but the next day my spirits were much
better, and kind Barney said everything he could think of to
encourage me; and from the moment we set sail, it was so calm and
pleasant that I felt no fear, and afterwards, when the gale was
fresher, I was too ill to think of danger ... We landed at nine
o'clock. This morning we only feel weak and queer; you may see my
hand trembles a little. It is about seven miles across the land to
Marazion, but we felt it would be much the most comfortable plan to
rest awhile before proceeding; so we have been looking out for
lodgings, and have hired comfortable rooms which we shall enter this
evening. If we should feel ourselves comfortable, we may, perhaps,
stay a week or a fortnight, but this is quite uncertain at present
... The sea view here is very pretty; but the place not at all so ...
I thought of you entering the new house, and much long to hear
particulars ... I hope the fatigue has not been too much for you. All
day Thursday we were as busy packing as you could be. Post going off
this minute, so I can say no more.
Farewell, your
affectionate
JANE.
The "kind
Barney" here referred to might claim a few lines in this Memoir.
How often, in our winter's walk at noon upon the pier, have we
stopped for five or ten minutes chatting with poor Barney, and asking
his opinion of wind and weather, in relation to which he was well
skilled. Seldom did his prediction fail of fulfilment, when, looking
ominously at the sky, he said, "There's dirt above!" Rain
followed, as a matter of course. This Barney was a sailor; he was
still young ; a man of robust make, regular features, and a fine,
free, seafaring look; always cheery, though a little pensive. From
exposure to wet and cold on an Arctic voyage, he had become entirely
paralysed in his lower limbs, and was wholly dependent in all his
movements upon the help of others.
Weather rough or
smooth, he was daily lifted out of his little cabin, at the foot of
the Lanthorn Rock, and seated in a sort of crib on wheels, and was
thus brought upon the pier, where he could change his position a
little, by applying his powerful hands to the wheels of his carriage.
I believe he had some sort of pension, but he was pensioner for all
his little comforts and cooking upon the faithful love of a young
woman, to whom he had been engaged before the occurrence of this
calamity; and who continued through a course of years, I believe, to
devote herself to her lover, doing whatever she might well do for
him, and especially cooking his frugal dinner with great care, so as
to tempt his delicate appetite, for he used to say, "If there's
the least thing unpleasant to look at, I can't touch a morsel."
The letters
following should here find a place:
July 5th, 1814
MY DEAR DEAR
FAMILY,
... I wish you
could just look in, and see me as I am now sitting, in a beautiful
study, with my window open upon the bay; vessels passing before me,
and the sea breezes wafting the delicious coolness. The offer of Mrs.
Grenfell's house, which I mentioned in my last, we accepted — all
difficulties being removed — and took possession last Monday; and we
find it so cool, so airy, and so extremely pleasant, that we esteem
it quite a providence for us; for I do think it likely to be
essentially beneficial to Isaac, during the heat of summer, besides
the change of scene, and cheerfulness, which produce a real effect.
The house stands close at the bottom of the hill which rises behind
the town, so that I walk straight out of my bed-room, which is at the
top of the house, through a trap-door into the first garden. From
this, a flight of steps takes us to the second, and another long
flight to the third, which is the garden in which we have always had
the liberty to walk. My bed-room has a fine sea-view, and I see the
vessels passing as I lie in bed. Isaac's is very large and airy, with
a view likewise. Our only difficulty is, to know where to sit — we
have such a choice. There is the dining-room, and the drawing room,
and the sitting-room, and this charming study, besides our own rooms,
etc ... I suppose mother had not time to copy out any part of the Panorama Review? If
anybody can do me this charity by the parcel, I
shall be greatly obliged. I am much more anxious to see blame than
praise, and the thought that you may keep back anything of that kind,
would fidget and discourage me beyond measure. Perhaps you are not
aware how much. I am out of the way here of hearing what is said, and
though you tell me that it is "highly popular", I should
like to know who says so, and how you know it. Is the Second Edition
out?
Your affectionate
JANE
MARAZION, November
25th, 1814
MY DEAR FATHER AND
MOTHER,
We removed to our
lodgings the last week in October. Mrs. Thomas exerted herself much,
to prevent our feeling the change. Several new things were bought,
and everything made as comfortable as possible. We have quite won
Ann's heart [the servant], so she is delighted to come and bring us a
pat of her butter, or one of her Cornish cakes ... It will, as it is,
be quite as much as I shall do, to get out my book by the spring.
Sometimes I write pretty fast, but often sit whole mornings without a
word. I reckon that I have done just half of it ... We had a most
interesting sight just before we left the Grenfells', which I venture
to say you will never have at Ongar — an Indiaman wrecked upon the
rocks almost under our windows. I woke early one morning with the
violence of the storm, and going to the windows to look at the sea,
beheld the torn sails streaming in the wind over the tops of the
houses. We hastened down to the shore, and there was indeed a scene!
The rocks and sands lined with hundreds of people, or wreckers, as
they are called, ready to seize all that floated on shore; the boats
going out at the hazard of the lives of the men, to save the
passengers, who narrowly escaped. It was a rich cargo, and the sands
have been covered with coffee ever since ... One trick of trade,
which I have found very useful myself, I daresay you are up to — that
is, in discussing any fault in a character, to have the real fault of
a real character in my eye; which prevents the advice from being too
general, and is more likely to make it come home to the conscience
and feelings. This, I think, I can do without uncharitableness; it is
only studying Nature, and without it I could do nothing. If you are
at a loss for a character, take mine, and you will find faults enough
to last out the whole volume. I assure you that I take greater
liberties with myself, in that way, than with any of my friends or
neighbours; and have really found so far, the beam in my own eye
makes me see more clearly to take the mote out of others'. The moment
that I leave off looking at some original, I find I am writing what
is tame and unnatural, or general and unimpressive. Pray do not think
I am dictating, or that it is in consequence of dissatisfaction with
your writings; it is only because it struck me, and I should be
thankful for any hints in return.
Yours
affectionately,
JANE
If she had
not found agreeable society at Marazion, and formed there some
friendships which she highly valued, my sister would have continued
to regret the rocks and solitudes of North Devon; its gloomy and
romantic scenery suited peculiarly her tastes, and the temper of her
mind, which were little pleased by the business and bustle, and open
bareness of Cornwall. Yet the aspect of Mount's Bay is agreeable; and
Penzance is as pleasantly situated as almost any town in the kingdom.
The country in its immediate neighbourhood is more wooded than other
parts of the county, and the Bay, the villages on its margin, the
Mount with its Castle, and the distant rocky hills, form a most
complete and pleasing picture.
At Marazion we
staid long enough to form a strong local attachment; our mode of life
was suited to our tastes; Jane's occupations filled her thoughts, and
were relieved by frequent intercourse with three or four persons,
whom she was happy to call her friends. Speaking of her feelings at
this time, she says:
The ease,
tranquillity, and comfort of my present lot, so perfectly congenial
to my temper and feelings, demand my constant thankfulness. It is no
business of mine to inquire how long it will last. Long, I know, it
will not last; and this I feel so sensibly, that my anxiety for
myself, and my dear family, lessens as it respects our prosperity in
this world, and increases for better things, that it may be well for
us all in the next.
And again, in a
letter to her mother:
Notwithstanding
the toil of writing, it has its pleasures; and often, both this
winter and last, when I have sat down at ten o'clock, all alone in
our snug parlour, with a cheerful fire, and with nothing to interrupt
me for four hours, I have really felt very happy. As to my writing
'under disadvantageous circumstances', it is so far from being the
case, that I am sure I can never expect to be more favoured. All
domestic cares, except just giving orders and settling my accounts,
are completely taken off my hands by Mrs. Thomas. The afternoon
suffices for the needlework I have to do; and we are little
interrupted by visitors; besides the rare privilege of having a room
and fire quite to myself during the morning. I therefore cannot plead
my present circumstances in excuse, either for the poverty or
slowness of my writing; for I do actually what you describe as so
desirable — "sit down composed and unembarrassed in my study".
Indeed, I cannot be sufficiently thankful for the large share of
comfort I have enjoyed the last three years: with nothing to try my
temper, and exempt from most of those unpleasant realities which you
mention as inseparable from the charge of a household. But I do not
wish to fly from family cares; and one of the satisfactions of
returning to you for a time would be that I might share them with
you.
From the
friendships above alluded to, and from intercourse of a more general
kind enjoyed at Marazion, Jane Taylor derived new and important
advantages. For, hitherto, her connexions had been almost exclusively
within the pale of one religious community; but her Marazion friends
were, most of them, members of the Established Church, and moreover,
were very jealously attached to its constitution and its forms. She
had also full opportunity of observing the state and spirit of
another religious body — the Wesleyan Methodists, who, in the western
part of Cornwall, are the predominant sect. She ever looked back upon
the expansion of her views and feelings which took place at this
time, with great satisfaction. Yet her attachment to the principles
in which she had been educated did not become less firm: perhaps it
was made more decided by the comparison she had now the means of
forming between different practices and opinions.
As there was at
Marazion no society of Congregational dissenters, Jane attended the
service of the Established Church, and that also of the Wesleyan
Methodists; and she gave her assistance, regularly, at the Sunday
School connected with the former: making only this exception — that
she should not be required to teach the Church Catechism. The
concession was amicably yielded; and in this school she continued to
labour with great pleasure, during the two years of her residence at
Marazion. Her exertions on the Sunday were, however, so much beyond
her strength, that they evidently impaired her general health. But
Jane, far from yielding to any plea on this ground, adhered
resolutely to the triumph of doing "what she could", and
continued her labours in the Sunday School during ten years of
declining health; and indeed, till the very last time of her
attending public worship, a few weeks before her death.
Among the
friendships formed in Cornwall, there were two or three that have a
claim to be noticed. The first name I shall mention is that of JOSIAH
HILL, whose name is already familiar to the readers of John Foster's Life and Correspondence,
for to him many of Foster's letters were
addressed; and these letters were of a kind that indicates — or as we
may say — connotes the intellectual qualities of the party addressed.
I have just now said that the Rev. Daniel Gunn might easily have been
mistaken for an officer in a Highland regiment! This — our new friend —
might have been taken for almost anything rather than for what he
was — a Wesleyan Preacher! I intend no disrespect to the order in
saying so: but, in truth, whether one encountered him in the street,
or saw and listened to him in "Chapel", or conversed with him
in private, there was a feeling as if Josiah Hill, the Wesleyan
minister, had somehow missed his place, and had come, socially and
ecclesiastically, into a false position. His Christian convictions
had led him to devote himself to the Ministry of the Gospel: his
scruples on some points had forbidden his taking orders in the
Established Church (he was independent of stipend), although his
tastes and feelings were of that kind which would have made the
social position of a clergyman altogether congenial and homogeneous.
How then a Wesleyan minister? Some very emphatic feelings or beliefs
in regard to Calvinist doctrine had availed to alienate him from the
Evangelical Dissenters — Independents and Baptists, and thus it was
that the door of Wesleyan Methodism, and no other, stood open to him.
The readers of
John Foster's Correspondence
will need no aid in forming a notion of
Josiah Hill: meditative, pensive, with a range of thought fitting him
to maintain intercourse through many years, with such a one as the
author of the Essays. The
friendship commenced about the year 1812;
and was maintained until severed by death, the one surviving the
other only a few weeks. Foster thus speaks of his friend in a letter
written twenty years after the commencement of the intimacy. " A
man of very great and rare excellence: pious, benevolent,
intelligent, and of liberal spirit and sentiments, with large
knowledge and experience of mankind."
At the time when
we were resident at Marazion, Mr. Hill was a preacher on the Penzance
Circuit; and in his turn, according to the "Plan" — which we took
care to inspect — preached in the Marazion chapel. He made
acquaintance with us, although we were hearers only, and not "in
Society"; and after two or three calls it became a frequent
incident, most agreeable to ourselves — that he hung the bridle of
his horse upon the hook of our shutter, where, to the annoyance of
passengers it stood, blocking the narrow street for two, three, or
four hours; and until in fact the "preacher's"
thoughtlessness as to his poor beast drew upon him some severe
animadversions. In truth, conversation did not often flag; and it was
late in the day perhaps, when an unusually energetic kick or stamping
of the exhausted and patience-tried animal, awakened his rider to a
recollection of times and seasons, and he abruptly left us.
These
conversations were, in subjects and in tone, a contrast to those of
Mr. Gunn at Ilfracombe and they had, no doubt, much influence in
enlarging my sister's habitudes of thought. The Dissenterism which
had lately been instilled by our Highland friend, was much softened;
intelleclual Christian feeling, with an admixture of pensiveness,
coming in the place of the sectarian zest; and this mellowing mood
was recommended also by literary tastes, and much general
information. When in the course of things Josiah Hill left the
Circuit, we were much in the mood to which Foster gives utterance, on
a like occasion, when Mr. Hill removed from Bristol. Writing to his
friend from Stapleton, November, 1822, he says: "Even your
vanity will hardly be competent to imagine how much I have felt the
loss of your near neighbourhood. Going into Bristol, or the thought
of doing it (I mean for an hour or a day, not for residence), is now
quite a different thing, and I do it much less frequently. With all
due regard for my friends there (and they are very worthy ones), I
must confess that the special point of attraction is gone; and the
grievance is, that there is no hope of its being there again. My
maledictions have not been slight; nor seldom repeated, upon that
Methodist system of yours, which will let nothing stay in a place
that one would most wish to keep there. My good wife most cordially
says Amen, to these imprecations — till we recollect that this is
doubtless a part of the system tending very powerfully, on the whole,
to its utility."
A young lady must
take the next place in these notices of my sister's Marazion friends.
This was Miss Anne Maxwell — the lady to whom is addressed a poem
entitled, The
Shipwrecked Lascar — a True Tale.
The incident out of
which this Lascar story took its rise, is mentioned in the foregoing
letter to her father and mother. Miss Maxwell was the daughter of a
Lincolnshire gentleman; but on account of the extreme delicacy of her
health, and perhaps for other reasons, resided at Marazion with a
maiden aunt. The circumstances of this young lady's early life, which
might not have been of the most favourable kind, had taken effect
upon a peculiar temperament in which were combined extraordinary
fixedness of temper, with a self-denying kindliness, such as would
have fitted her well for the labours and sacrifices of a "Sister
of Charity". In truth, her manner and appearance were very much
those of a nun. She might have sat to a painter as his model for a
St. Agnes. Hitherto Jane had become acquainted with no sample of this
order of character. This new friend — a lady by habits and connexions —
but destitute of that cultured intelligence and literary
proficiency which she had been used to look for as a matter of course
in her more intimate friends — nevertheless, commanded respect, and
engaged affection on account of virtues of which no instance had
before come in her way. Wanting in that liberty of thought which
attends intellectuality, Anne Maxwell exhibited upon occasion a
courage and a romantic determination which Jane Taylor would not
easily have imitated. So it was on the occasion referred to in the
Poem above-mentioned. The Indiaman wrecked in Mount's Bay was a
"country-built ship" — and was manned by Hindoos, Lascars,
and Mahometans. These men were for a time lodged in a building near
the town, and it had become our amusement to visit the place, and to
watch their various modes of caring for themselves. At length they
were put on board a vessel London-bound — one of them excepted, who
was in too feeble a state to be moved from his pallet. Of this
invalid Anne Maxwell took charge, and during several weeks, or
months, was his nurse, and found for him whatever he needed.
A few years later
than this time, Miss Maxwell became the wife of a clergyman, the Rev.
Henry Lyte, a volume of whose miscellaneous poetry still has its
admirers. Husband and wife have been some years deceased. Another
friend — if, indeed, my sister would have ventured to speak of her as
her "friend" — was one, her acquaintance with whom had a
marked influence in opening her mind, inasmuch as she witnessed an
order of Christian excellence very unlike any that had occurred
within the circle of her earlier friendships. In a letter above
cited, Jane mentions the kind offer of a spacious house at Marazion
for some months, which we gladly accepted. The offer was made by Mrs.
Grenfell, whose daughter, Lydia, has become known to readers of the Memoirs of Henry Martyn
as the object of an attachment of which his
letters contain such affecting evidence. Soon after our arrival at
Marazion, my sister had become acquainted with Miss Grenfell, and had
rendered aid in the Sunday School under this lady's management. The
time now spoken of was about two years after the death of Henry
Martyn, which occurred at Tocat, October 16, 1812, and little more
than one year after that event had become known to her to whose
earthly happiness it was fatal.
The notices of
this lady which occur in the Memoir
of Henry Martyn are very brief;
but his letters to her from India and Persia give evidence of those
high qualities which in his view fitted her to be his companion in
that course of arduous service upon which he was entering. His
biographer says: "Here it is due to the full illustration of his
Christian character to mention, that it was not merely the ties of
family or friendship which bound him to Cornwall; others there were
of a tenderer, if not stronger kind; for he had conceived a
deeply-fixed attachment for one of whom less ought not, and more
cannot be said, than that she was worthy of him: an attachment which —
whether he thought, as he afterwards did, that it should be
encouraged, or, as he now did, that it ought to be repressed —
equally exhibits him as a man of God, whose affections were set upon
things above, and not on things on the earth."
Henry Martyn thus
speaks of his parting with the woman of his heart: "Our ride
home (with several Christian friends) was delightful, our hearts
being all devotedly disposed; mine only was unhappy. Parted with L__
(Lydia Grenfell) for ever in this life, with a sort of uncertain pain
which I knew would increase to greater violence." "These
forebodings," says his biographer, "were but too soon
realized. On the evening of the same day, and for many succeeding
days, his mental agony was extreme." In his journal there are
expressions of this anguish: "How miserable did life appear,
with-out the hope of Lydia. Oh! how has the discussion of this
subject opened all my wounds afresh. I have not felt such
heartrending pain since I parted with her in Cornwall ... My heart
was sometimes ready to break with agony, at being torn from its
dearest idol; and at other times I was visited by a few moments of
sublime and enraptured joy."
None who saw and
conversed with Miss Grenfell, as my sister did, unknowing of the love
through which she had so recently passed, could have surmised the
fact, or could have supposed what had been the peculiarity of the
trial she had endured. Perfectly calm in deportment, and cheerful
when engaged in labours of Christian charity, she betrayed no inward
conflicts: yet, must there not have been such! The "study"
in the attic story of the house which Jane mentions, and whence she
enjoyed the prospect of the Bay and the Mount, had no doubt been the
scene of conflicts such as none but the strong in soul are liable to,
or, suffering them, may survive. A dignity like that of high birth,
softened by unaffected Christian humility and meekness, was her
characteristic. Yet was it evident that she held at a distance any
who were not entitled to her intimate regard. My sister's intimacy
with Lydia Grenfell was not of that kind. I do not know that any
correspondence between them took place after we left Cornwall.
Thus far my part
has been to record friendships which death has severed; it remains to
mention the name of one who survives, and to whom several letters
among the later dated are addressed. These letters exhibit more
affection than is usual in a friendship of so recent a date.
Nearly opposite
our lodgings at Marazion resided the Rev. Melville Horne, with his
family; which consisted of his wife, her aged mother, and a daughter,
Marianne. Mr. Horne was minister of the Episcopal Chapel already
mentioned, and where we usually attended. He had become known in the
evangelic and missionary movements of the time, and had gone out to
Western Africa as a missionary. At this time the period of his public
services was drawing to a close. He soon afterwards took a curacy in
Yorkshire, and finally at Salford; and thence, under the care of a
devoted daughter, removed to Ashbourne, Derbyshire.
Of this daughter,
Jane's young friend, I shall say nothing more than this — that the
intercourse was very frequent, almost daily, and that notwithstanding
the disparity of years, a friendship took its rise which was
maintained till my sister's death. Miss Horne's affectionate warmth
and vivacity, in contrast with the icy sweetness of Anne Maxwell, and
the lofty meekness of Lydia Grenfell, took effect as a sort of
amalgam, giving to our Marazion circle an animation that engaged my
sister's feelings, which otherwise might have received a chill from
the much less fervent style of the other two.
These three
ladies, evangelic in their principles, firm and decisive in their
attachment to the Established Church, and very devout in their
observance of its ritual, made their way into Jane's affectionate
regard on grounds wholly unlike those which had determined nearly all
her earlier friendships. These excellent persons were not enthusiasts
in literature and poetry; their tastes, line of reading, and
conversation were such as a few years earlier would have stood in the
way of intimacy. Jane Taylor at twenty might not have recognised the
excellence which at thirty commanded her esteem; in these new friends
she acknowledged a superiority of which hitherto she had thought
little — as she had seen little — that of Christian devotedness,
apart from intellectuality and its tastes and accomplishments. These
new impressions of evangelic piety produced an effect upon my
sister's own feelings and impressions, if not decisively on her
inherited opinions, which greatly modified her style of thought as a
writer; and, in fact, the product of this change of feeling and of
this enlargement of her religious sympathies may be very distinctly
traced in many of her papers, among the Contributions of Q.Q. Those,
at least, who had known Jane Taylor at the time of her sojourn in
Devonshire, would easily see that the three years' sojourn in
Cornwall had had a great effect in giving depth and breadth to her
Christian consciousness, and thus had qualified her the better to
teach and to train the young, who have been and are her readers.
Moreover, it was
during these three years that my sister came into contact with
Wesleyan Methodism. A way into Methodism, if I may so speak, was
opened for us by our intellectual friend Josiah Hill, whose large and
free modes of thinking, and habits of speaking, allowed him to
converse with us on subjects touching the merits of the Society in a
manner in which perhaps his brethren on the Penzance circuit would
not quite have approved. When, therefore, we attended at the Wesleyan
chapel, what we saw and listened to was — Methodism interpreted.
Then, on the other hand, we came to know something of the Christian
worthiness of some persons of humble rank who were leaders or
prominent persons in the Society. Moreover, two or three useful men
among the preachers came within our circle. It was in this new circle
that my sister learned to look with charity upon the prejudices — may
we say the innocent prejudices of Christian people. Among the books
we had brought with us was, as matter of course, a Watts's Psalms and
Hymns. It chanced that in some way which I forget, we came to
know
that this book was an object of aversion, almost terror, to the good
people with whom we lodged, who were well-instructed Wesleyans; it
was that "Calvinist book" which they had been taught to hold
in abhorrence. This very same book Jane speaks of in a letter, as in
use in the Episcopal chapel, and the use of which in the service, she
says — "made the prayers go down". Thus, while we were
stretching our candour towards Wesleyan prejudices against Watts's Hymns, we ourselves were
only breaking away from the thraldom of
Dissenting prejudices against the Liturgy! Yet these narrow feelings
did at length give way, albeit my sister continued to the last to
think herself a Dissenter.
Soon after our
removal to Marazion, my sister resumed writing the Tale she had
commenced at Ilfracombe; and late in the same year it was sent to
press, under the title of Display.
The favour with which this work
was received, and more especially the high praise bestowed upon it by
a few individuals whose judgment and sincerity could not be
questioned, produced a very desirable effect upon her mind; for it
gave her, in some degree, that confidence in her own powers which she
so much needed. Hitherto, she had persisted in attributing almost the
whole success of the works in which she had had part to her sister,
but this was all her own; and she was constrained to believe that she
could write well, and that too in a higher line than she had before
attempted; for Display was
admired on account of excellencies of a
more substantial kind than such as attach merely to an entertaining
or pathetic fiction. The advice which had been long and often urged
upon her of undertaking to write for mature readers, was now greatly
corroborated. Yet, perhaps, had she attempted a fiction upon a more
extended scale, she might have found herself to be moving out of her
proper sphere. For the beauties of her style accord best with a
brief, inartificial, and condensed narrative. Breadth of design,
amplification, and digression, seemed not to be within her range —
her simple story is merely a thread, supporting a series of just
sentiments and sparkling graces. That knowledge of the human heart
which is evinced in Display, might deserve to be called intimate; but
it is exhibited in touches so delicate, that they might escape the
eye of the reader whose eye was less quick and piercing than that of
the author. But probably it has been these fine and half-hidden
beauties that have procured for this tale the praise (not often won
by mere fictions) of being read again and again, with ever fresh
pleasure.
The volume did
not, however, escape without some strong animadversions — chiefly on
the ground of the opinions expressed in it. In reply to some
observations on one point, the author says:
As to the
dancing, I certainly did not think I had erred on the strict side;
and I think I have observed the distinction you mention, of not
objecting to dancing in itself. The children at Stokely, you may
remember, were all dancing very merrily one evening. But, in fact,
except with mere children, there is no such thing as "select
Christian dances". Go where you will, it is the worldly who dance;
and the serious do not. E__ is an instance of what is said about
Emily; her newly acquired religion is so far from having made her
dull or precise, that there are many whom I have seen shake their
heads at her youthful sprightliness. Yet since she has been a
Christian, she says she does not wish to dance, especially as it
could not be without associating with those who think only about this
world. As to what Mr. Leddenhurst says about "dancing through the
world", it is a remark I have heard made by those who are very far
from being puritanical in their manners, or narrow in their views;
and I merely understand by it, that a person of a contemplative and
serious turn of mind, impressed with the grand realities of religion,
and intent upon remedying, as far as possible, the sin and misery of
the world, will not be much disposed to go "dancing through it".
The suggestions of
her friends were so far admitted as to induce Jane to look wider
abroad than hitherto, for the topics of her next undertaking. But to
express her opinions on grave subjects, in naked prose, was more than
she could dare. In verse, she felt as if sheltered. She therefore
determined to write what she thought and felt, with less reserve than
hitherto; but under the cover of poetry. Such were the views with
which, soon after the publication of Display,
she began writing her Essays in Rhyme.
With an
exception presently to be mentioned, the
composition of this volume occupied her time during the remainder of
her stay at Marazion.
Throughout the
winters of the years 1814-15, my sister read much more than she had
ever before done in the same length of time. The works she selected
were of the kind best adapted to invigorate the understanding; her
taste in reading was for history, which always excited in her mind a
much deeper interest than even the most fascinating fictions:
fictions she did, indeed, occasionally read; but it was only in those
seasons when the exhaustion of long-continued excitement in writing
had rendered her incapable of close attention. The interests of the
real were fast prevailing over those of the ideal world; her mind,
every day, more and more needed the stimulus of an object, such as
she could deem important; and she became indisposed to exertion, at
the impulse of mere fancy, or personal feeling.
This marked change
in her mind and habits of feeling, was evidently much promoted by the
new scenes she witnessed, and the new friendships she formed in
Cornwall. Before the time of her visit to Marazion, she had had too
little opportunity of becoming acquainted with the sufferings and the
wants of the poor. She knew, indeed, by report the evils that abound
in the real world; but her experience had scarcely presented to her
any other evils than those sorrows of the heart, and of the
imagination, which are either wholly created, or are aggravated by
morbid sensibilities; and which, however amiable they may seem, are
more or less seclusive, if not selfish, in their influence.
Friendships — and literary friendships — and polished tastes, and the
delights of fancy, and wit, and criticism, are fine things; and where
they exclude either frivolity or grossness, they are good things; but
if the heart be rightly disposed, they will sink in estimation, when
we are called daily to administer relief to the urgent wants and the
real sufferings of human life. And perhaps the instances are rare,
if, indeed, such instances are at all to be found, in which laborious
zeal in works of mercy, exists in union with a vivid relish of the
pleasures of the imagination. Be this as it may, it was observable
with my sister, that in proportion as her mind admitted the paramount
claims which the sufferings of those around us have on our sympathies
and our activities, she became less regardful of the gratifications
of taste, and of the luxuries and sensibilities of the imagination,
and more solicitous in all her engagements to pursue utility.
The three or four
excellent persons at Marazion, whom my sister ever thought it her
happiness to have known, were distinguished by their Christian zeal
in every good work; and she at once admitted, and cherished, in her
own character, the influence of their example.
The tendency of
her acquaintance with Methodism, was also of the same kind. And
while, as will be apparent from her letters, she was far from being
blind to the defects of that religious system, or converted to its
peculiar opinions; she confessed herself to owe to it a new
impression of some branches of Christian feeling and duty.
Early in the year
1816, while still at Marazion, Jane commenced her contributions to
the Youth's Magazine; which she
continued to supply, with few
exceptions, during the succeeding seven years. It was with extreme
reluctance, and not without the urgent persuasion of those to whose
advice she was accustomed to listen, that she yielded to the repeated
request of the conductors of that publication, to write statedly for
it. She dreaded the bondage under which she felt such an engagement
would
bring her; she dreaded, especially, lest the necessity of writing at
stated times, whether or not she felt a spontaneous impulse, should
induce the habit of prosing; or should impair that feeling of
sincerity, simplicity, and genuine interest, with which hitherto she
had always written; and without which, to write at all, she would
have thought an abuse of her talent, and a presumption upon that
degree of favour she had won. Happily, these objections were
overruled; and, soon finding herself successful, she felt a pleasure
in the employment; and was incited to use her best exertions to
improve, for the highest purposes, this opportunity of addressing
constantly so large a number of young persons.
To a writer whose
invention is fertile, whose judgment and taste are matured, and who,
above all, has too much self-respect to allow him to sink into
inanity or frivolity, the necessity of writing at stated times may be
advantageous, and it may produce, at once, freedom, and simplicity of
style. Under such circumstances, that fastidiousness which would
substitute tame proprieties for faulty beauties, must be laid aside:
a subject having once presented itself to the thoughts, must not be
dismissed, merely because it seems unpromising; and the mind, by the
very feeling of being tied to an unpromising subject, is roused to
make the greater effort. Thus it often was with my sister; and the
result has been, that this collection of papers contains, perhaps,
her happiest and her most useful compositions.
The Essays in
Rhyme, on Morals and Manners, were finished in the spring of the
year
1816. Jane never wrote anything with so much zest and excitement, as
the pieces composing this volume. While employed on them, she was
almost lost to other interests: even her prevailing domestic tastes
seemed forgotten, and in our daily walks she was often quite
abstracted from the scene around her. In truth she had stepped upon
ground new to herself, and felt an impulse which gave an unwonted
vigour to her mind. Her impatience of pretension and perversity in
matters of religion, and her piercing discernment of the deceptions
of the heart, give a peculiar force and pungency to many passages in
the Essays in Rhyme; while
others are distinguished by the same
interchanging pathos and playfulness which had been displayed in her
earlier writings. A few lines, perhaps, in this volume, may have
seemed too pungent to some readers. This she fully anticipated, but
would not shrink from the hazard. Her feelings and her judgment were
averse to compromise, or to the cautious concealment of opinions.
Some such concealment had been recommended to her by a friend, to
whom the manuscript had been submitted, previous to publication: in
reply to these suggestions, she says:
It is now
time to refer to a former letter of yours, respecting certain
passages in the Essays in Rhyme.
It is scarcely necessary to say,
after having written them, that I do not agree with you as to the
propriety of total silence on all disputed subjects. Had that plan
been always pursued, what would now be the state of the world? I am
very far from blaming Mr. Cunningham for writing the Velvet Cushion
(his doing it unfairly is another thing); and with regard to
introducing particular sentiments in works of a general nature, it
appears to me one of the best ways of doing it. Who ever blamed Mrs.
More for poking the steeple into almost every page of her writings?
What happened to Miss Hamilton for making the hero of her novel a
Dissenter? or, which is more to my purpose, what has been the
consequence of the severe sarcasms of Cowper upon the Church and its
ministers? The consequence is, indeed, that he is hated by the High
Church party; but that does neither him nor his works any harm. What
harm did he suffer from the review of his poems when they first
appeared, by our old friend the Critical
Review, when they said:
“This is an attempt to be witty in very lame verse”? I grant it
is probable that no proselytes have been gained to any party by what
he wrote; but who will deny that the diffusion of the liberal
sentiments that abound in his writings, has been of great service to
the cause of truth and moderation? Do not suppose I am here placing
myself by the side of Cowper — I am only pleading against the system
of preserving a profound silence on all controverted subjects in
works of a general nature.
To some criticisms
of a different kind, she thus replies:
You will not
be surprised, and I am sure you will not be offended, to see in how
few instances I have availed myself of your criticisms, if you
reconsider the nature of them — that is, how very few were merely
literary. To those few I paid every attention; most of them had
already been marked for correction, either by myself, or other
critical friends; but I was disappointed to find so few of that
description; and still more, to find so many relating to matters of
opinion, which you would hardly expect I should give up. I cannot
guess why the very same opinions — or creed, if you please (for I
know that is a word you are particularly fond of), which were, I
believe, expressed with quite as much plainness in Display, should
offend you so much less there. You say, indeed, that you have only
remarked upon that style of language which refers to a party — not to
a principle, but, on the contrary, I found not a single note upon
those few passages in which I write as a Dissenter. If you mean to
call religious sentiment party,
I shall not dispute the term with
you. Christianity has had a great many ill names from its
commencement to this day. But they have never done it the least harm,
nor ever will. Do you think I would condemn you for using a
prayer-book, or kneeling at an altar — for going under water, or even
for wearing a broad brim? No. But as I would not make my creed
narrower than that of the Bible, so I dare not make it wider. "There
is no other name under Heaven, whereby we must be saved." "He that
believes shall be saved; he that believes not shall be damned." This
is all I would contend for, and all, I think, that I have contended
for, as essential; and if it is to this you object, I fear not boldly
to say you are wrong. And my heart's desire and prayer is, that you
may be led, as many a confident opposer has been, to what I must
still maintain to be "the only place — the feet of Jesus".
I think your
prejudice — may I say your party spirit (for never does party spirit
show itself so openly, or speak so narrowly, as when it embraces the
sceptical creed) — has got the better of your good taste, in the
present instance; your taste is good, when left to its free exercise;
but in several of your criticisms, I scruple not to say you have,
under the influence of other feelings, betrayed a very bad one. For
instance, you object to passages that are simple quotations from the
Bible. Here I can speak quite confidently, in a literary view, that
the effect of such quotations is good, and that they confer a dignity
on the verse. Where, for instance, I have introduced, almost
literally, those passages: "In Thy presence is fulness of joy" — "In
My Father's house are many mansions" — I am sure that I am more
classical than you, in your very ill-chosen remark upon them. That
these expressions have been quoted a thousand times by "Lady
Huntingdon", or "Mr. Huntingdon" cannot render them at all less
affecting or sublime; and to call such language "religious cant", is
in my opinion irreligious cant.
Chapter XIII.
Letters written from Cornwall
MARAZION, June 18,
1814,
MY DEAR FAMILY,
It quite vexes me
to trouble you with so much postage, but knowing you will be anxious
to hear of our comfortable settlement, I would not delay writing. I
cannot help sending some fond and longing thoughts towards home, now
that at more than three hundred miles' distance I think of its
present interesting, and I hope, happy circumstances. This letter
will, I hope, find dear Anne once more among you! How we should enjoy
it if we could be admitted for one half-hour! I long inexpressibly to
hear all about it, with the history of the moving, and how you enjoy
the new house — how Anne likes it, etc, etc. It is indeed having news
from a far country, and in this strange land will seem quite
refreshing. I trust you received my letter from St. Ives: we spent a
quiet week there, in which we lost neither time nor money, as we went
on with our usual employments. Our lodgings were very comfortable,
but we did not quite like the people, and the town was so deplorable
that I felt in poor spirits all the time, and finding Mrs. Thomas was
ready to receive us, we resolved to depart at the week's end. Cornwall
is just what we expected. Fine hills, but not so high and abrupt as
those in North Devon, much enriched with fragments of rock, very bare
of trees, and divided by stone hedges, characterise this part of it.
The shafts of mines appear perpetually, and the hills are dotted over
with the huts of the miners, and mills where the ore is broken and
washed. We have heard the high Cornish key, which rises to the highest
pitch at the end of the sentences, to a degree that would not be
believed if imitated. We hired a gig to come here, where we arrived at
four o'clock yesterday afternoon. We did feel alone in the world as we
drove along in this strange land at the ends of the earth. The
afternoon was fine, and the road pretty. Within about a mile of
Marazion we caught a view of the Southern Channel, and presently of the
fine even bay on which we are situated. Next appeared St. Michael's
Mount — a striking object; on the summit stands most picturesquely a
fine minster, and altogether it forms a very beautiful and interesting
object from this place. It is only a quarter of a mile distant from us,
and a walk at low water. Isaac went over this morning. There is a small
fort and several houses on the mount; I daresay father has a view of it
somewhere. By the help of the map and gazetteer, you may easily form an
idea of our situation. The bay, called Mount's Bay, forms a fine sweep;
it is surrounded by hills. On the western side lies Penzance, which we
see distinctly, and it appears a very large town. Just opposite to it
is Marazion, which consists of one long street, and several straggling
ones. It is completely sheltered from the north and east, and is
reckoned much warmer than Penzance. There is a fine turnpike-road,
close to the sea, from hence to Penzance; it is three miles' distance:
we intend making an expedition there the first day next week that the
weather permits. The country here is a complete change from Ilfracombe;
there, we were blocked up with abrupt hills, here, all is wide and
open. It is certainly a beautiful bay, and the surrounding country has
a great air of cheerfulness. The country, too, is very populous, as
many towns and villages are included in this small peninsula; and in
Penzance and its neighbourhood there are a great many good families;
and, I understand, all the conveniences of life are to be obtained
there in perfection. We had not raised our expectations very high about
the lodgings — such a cheerful look-out as at Ilfracombe we must not
expect to find again. The house is in a street, small but neat. The
parlour, on the ground-floor, comfortably furnished, but small and not
light. The bedrooms, both in front, and close together, are very
comfortable — not quite so large, perhaps, as Isaac's at Ilfracombe.
There is a very pretty little kitchen, on the right as you enter — our
parlour is on the left. The great recommendation is, that we are much
pleased with the people; they are Methodists, as almost everybody is in
Cornwall. Mrs. Thomas is a tidy, managing woman, and there is an air of
such extreme order and cleanliness over the house, kitchen, and pantry,
as is very pleasant. They have no children, and we are waited on by a
very nice servant; moreover, Mrs. Thomas seems extremely anxious to
oblige and accommodate us, so that, though the apartments are not all
that we could wish as to size, we think ourselves altogether pretty
well off, and desire to be thankful for being again taken care of, and
furnished with another temporary home. At our leisure we shall look
about us, especially at Penzance, but are quite contented for the
present. There is a respectable old medical man here (our hostess says
he is the most skilful man for miles around), who was recommended to us
by a gentleman who was our neighbour at Ilfracombe, and who quite
recovered his health by staying several months at Marazion last year. I
think Anne would be quite reconciled to our situation, by its being
directly opposite the post-office. This is the regular post town, and
we see the mail stop at the door twice in a day. A London coach also
passes every day; so that for letters and parcels we are very
conveniently situated. We are well supplied with milk, as our hostess
keeps cows, and makes butter; she will also make and bake our bread.
There is a market for meat, once a week, and things may at any time be
procured from Penzance.
Monday morning. We are
rather awkwardly circumstanced as to a place of worship where we should
like to attend. There is a small Baptist place, not, we fear, very
respectably supplied; a Methodist Chapel, and a Chapel of Ease, in the
Establishment, where, I apprehend, we shall prefer attending, though it
is by no means what we like to do. The Rev. Melville Horne, well-known
in the religious world as an active and zealous missionary, and who has
spent years abroad, is the settled minister there. He has been here
three months, and a house nearly opposite ours is preparing to receive
his family, who are expected this week. I daresay we shall become
acquainted. He is said to be a most amiable, pleasant man. I heard him
twice yesterday (Isaac being confined by rain), and was much pleased.
He is not a High Churchman, and said many things that showed great
liberality. Dr. Watts's hymns are always sung at the chapel, which make
the prayers go down a little better. We are increasingly pleased with
our landlady, and discontented with nothing but the parlour, which
Isaac fears would in winter be too dark for him. We now sit at work in
our own rooms, which are comfortable. We recovered from the effects of
the voyage in a few days, and are now as well as usual. We set all to
rights on Saturday, and are now once more quietly settled, for how long
we know not. I think Mrs. Thomas is very desirous to detain us.
I remain, dear family,
Very affectionately yours,
JANE
TO MRS. WITTY
MARAZION, June 20th, 1814
MY DEAR FRIEND,
As this is one of our Saints' days, I cannot do better than devote it
to my friends: one letter I have already despatched to Ongar; and I am
sure it is quite time to address you, as I believe my last letter was
written to inform you of our arrival at Ilfracombe, though I think the
fault has not been all on my side. The interval has been pretty well
filled with incidents: S. and A. have not been idle; you and the Prince
Regent have been receiving company; Father and Mother have left the
Castle House; we have removed to Marazion; and Buonaparte to Elba: so
that the world does not pay us the compliment of standing still till we
have time to animadvert on its revolutions.
I would have waited a week or two longer, when I should have been
better able to say how well we like our new situation, but that I hope
this will now reach you before your friends leave you, as S. mentioned
the last week in June for returning. To what is she returning ! I hope
to a life of usefulness and happiness. I have never known one better
fitted to enjoy and to adorn the peaceful scenes of domestic life, than
our dear S. Happy is he who is destined to be the
companion of them!
I suppose by this time Mr. C. has been introduced to his little
grandson, with whom I may safely venture to guess he is pleased. I
enjoy for you, my dear friend, the pure and real pleasures of the
nursery. I am thinking too anxiously of dear Ann. The wide distance
that separates us increases this anxiety: if I could be near her, I
should feel comparatively little; but to wait a five or six days' post
for such intelligence, is what I dread. Yet He, to whom we should
cheerfully commit her, is "nigh at hand, and not afar off" ...
I told S. that we did not think of leaving Ilfracombe till August; but
finding that during the summer, it does not often happen that vessels
from Cornwall put into Ilfracombe, we determined to avail ourselves of
the first good opportunity: we regretted that one offered so soon: we
had scarcely twenty-four hours' notice. But our little affairs were
soon arranged, and at nine o'clock on the evening of the 9th, we set
sail, and a mild breeze wafted us from our dear Ilfracombe. We were
tolerably well till about the middle of the night, when a fresh gale
springing up, from that time to the moment of our landing, at nine
o'clock the following evening, we suffered continual sickness. We
landed at St. Ives, and took lodgings there for a week: on Friday
evening we reached this place, where we had before engaged lodgings:
they are not so pleasantly situated as those we occupied at Ilfracombe;
but they are comfortable, and our hostess is a good woman who takes
pains to please us.
Marazion is pleasantly situated on the margin of Mount's Bay, which
forms a fine sweep: on the western side lies Penzance, nearly opposite
to us, at the distance of three miles: it is a fine ride by the
seaside. This morning we have been there: it is a large and very
pleasant town: and being so near, we can have many of the conveniences
it affords. The views here are open and agreeable: St. Michael's Mount
is a fine object, distant about half a mile, and Penzance and the
adjacent villages very prettily skirt the bay. We
were recommended to come here in preference to Penzance, as being
milder, and it suits us better as being more retired. In spite of our
nonconformity we shall probably attend at the Chapel of Ease, at which
Mr. Horne now officiates, whose name I daresay you have heard ...
The following letter is the first of several addressed to a young lady
— Elizabeth March, with whom Jane had made acquaintance in Devonshire.
Her brother — Henry March — had lately come out from a family, gay in
their habits, and had professed himself a dissenter, and a Christian in
the Evangelic sense. To the service of the Christian ministry among
Congregational dissenters he had recently devoted himself, and in that
field of labour has well and usefully spent his years. His sister
Elizabeth — Jane's friend and correspondent, followed her brother in
his religious convictions: a year or two later she became the wife of
Mr. Webb, a highly respected dissenting minister.
TO MISS ELIZABETH MARCH
MARAZION, CORNWALL, July 2, 1814
... The expectation of shortly leaving Ilfracombe, made me defer
writing from day to day, thinking I should soon be able to tell you
whither we were destined; but at last we went off so suddenly, that we
had scarcely time to arrange our little affairs; and, although I have
felt impatient to do so, I would not write immediately after our
arrival here, that I might be better able to tell you how we like
Cornwall. I have been sorry to hear that you are unwell, and I know
that you do not complain of trifles. It is not surprising that
exchanging the pure air of Devon for such as you are now inhaling, your
health should suffer. Although there is so little temptation to go
abroad, you must not neglect daily exercise. It is not complimenting
London air too much to allow that it is better out of doors than in. I
am not surprised that London makes you love Devonshire more than
ever. The sight of it, especially after a
considerable absence, never fails to make me low-spirited; and I
scarcely know whether this is occasioned most by its wretchedness, or
its magnificence. I entirely understand your affection for the old
mulberry tree: there is a laburnum at Colchester which is quite as good
a friend of mine. I saw it blossom sixteen springs; and plucked a spray
when I took leave of it, thinking it would be a great pleasure to
ruminate over it now and then, but I believe I have never found time to
look at it yet: it has lain ever since undisturbed, amidst a variety of
similar relics, which have been abandoned to the same neglect.
In consequence of strongly urged advice, we determined, early in the
year, to remove to Cornwall during the summer months, for I could not
summon courage to undertake the voyage on the approach of the autumnal
gales. We had not intended to leave Ilfracombe quite so soon; but a
good opportunity offering, we availed ourselves of it; and after a
passage more safe than agreeable, landed at St. Ives, from whence we
crossed to this place; which has been recommended to us in preference
to Penzance; and where we had already engaged lodgings.
I think you have not been so far into Cornwall; so I may tell you we
are very pleasantly situated on the margin of Mount's Bay, which forms
a fine regular sweep, surrounded by sheltering hills. Penzance, a
handsome town, at the distance of three miles, is in full view; and
with its adjacent villages, prettily skirts the bay. The surrounding
country is open and cheerful — near Penzance, pleasantly wooded; and
here and there are some shaded and rural spots. St. Michael's Mount,
directly opposite to us, and accessible at low of water, is the
most striking object in the scene. We have not yet thoroughly explored
it; but it is much finer and more picturesque than we had expected,
from such views as we had seen of it. Altogether, we are pleased with
our situation; it is a complete contrast to the wild and solitary
scenery of Ilfracombe. Being prone to form local attachments, I cannot
at present decide impartially to which I should give the preference.
How long we shall sojourn in this land of strangers is quite uncertain.
I feel with you, that I dare not look forward to distances I may never
reach; and I too could think of next summer with the delightful hope of
again seeing many that are dear to me: but I am afraid of expecting it,
or of forming any plan beyond to-day: by painful lessons, I have
learned that it is vain and dangerous to do so. Seldom, perhaps, till
we have lived long enough to observe that the wishes we form for
ourselves are either directly thwarted, or if indulged, that they
wholly disappoint our expectation, are we sincerely disposed to say
"Choose Thou mine inheritance for me." When such wishes appear very
moderate and limited — falling far short even of the common objects of
worldly pursuit — when we ask neither for length of days, riches, nor
honours, but only for some one favourite comfort, we are almost ready
to expect that such a reasonable request will be granted; and it is
well if we are taught, either by being disappointed of it, or with it,
that eager desires for anything short of the favour of God, are
displeasing to Him, and injurious to ourselves: there is a sweet
feeling of security in committing our future way to Him, with an entire
dependence on his wisdom and goodness, and a cordial acquiescence in
his appointments ...
TO MR. JOSIAH CONDER
MARAZION, September 23rd, 1814
Months have passed since I wrote to you; and in the interval I have
travelled a hundred miles further west, and seen many new places and
faces: but this I can say (and I hope you will think it worth
sending three hundred miles to tell you) that association with
strangers, so far from alienating my thoughts and affections from those
I have long known and valued, attaches me still more to them. I am
surrounded by those who know that I am — Miss Taylor; but know not that
I am "Jane"; and it sometimes makes me sigh for a renewal of
intercourse with those who, for that simple reason, have yielded me an
unmerited share of their regard. The many follies, infirmities, and
deficiencies which are intimately known to them, may, it is true, be
partially and for a time concealed from strangers: but yet, I would
rather be with those who "with all my faults, have loved me still" ...
Nothing can be more tranquil and agreeable than the manner in which our
time passes here; we are both sufficiently occupied to preserve us from
dullness; nor do we need other relaxation than the pleasure of
conversing with each other in those hours of the day which we spend
together. We have, however, some society here — more indeed than at
Ilfracombe. I would gladly avoid the trouble of it; but I know it is
good for me to be obliged to exert myself in conversation sometimes ...
I do not think my attachment to Nonconformity is likely to be at all
shaken by my present circumstances; on the contrary, I long to attend
"among my own people", and to worship in the simplicity of the Gospel.
Yet it is both pleasant and useful to associate with good people who
differ from ourselves. It is not from intention, but accident, that I
am writing to you on this day of the month. You remember, I dare say,
the advanced stage at which I am arrived: at five and twenty I
regretted the departure of youth: but now I am quite reconciled to
being as old as I am. In looking back upon the past, nothing strikes me
so forcibly, for future benefit, as the different sensations occasioned
by a review of its misfortunes, and its faults. Upon seasons of care,
anxiety, and distress, of which (though they have been comparatively
few and light) I can remember some, I can reflect without a feeling of
regret and uneasiness; indeed, there is a kind of satisfaction and
complacency in looking back upon scenes of suffering: while the
mistakes, follies and sins, that have marked my life, are sources and
perpetual uneasiness. Of this, past experience and present feeling tend
increasingly to convince me, that whatever afflictions may be appointed
for me in future, if, in the course of the next ten or twenty years
(should I see so many) I shall attain more holiness, I shall also enjoy
more happiness than in the years that are past. To do quietly the
duties of to-day, without ambition, and without anxiety, is to ensure
comfort; and comfort is a word that suits better the present state than
happiness; and in truth it is all that would be desired by us if our
thoughts were familiar with death and eternity; if we habitually
remembered that the time is short — that all we are most interested
about is passing away, and that the flower we love best fadeth ...
TO MISS ELIZABETH MARCH
MARAZION, May 31st, 1815
MY DEAR FRIEND,
Although I quite forget the date of my last, I know that I have many
times since felt much inclined to converse with you; and that I have
not written before is only owing to the constant recurrence of some
employment that is more immediately pressing, and whose plea is more
readily admitted, because it is something that requires less exertion
than writing, even to so kind and candid a friend as you, to whom I
know the most simple expressions of regard are more agreeable than a
studied epistle. Some people think it a great recommendation to be able
to write a "clever letter"; but, if there is anything I dislike to
receive, or that I am unambitious of writing, it is a clever letter; by
which I mean a letter that exhibits obviously an endeavour to be smart
and pointed, or worse still, fine and sentimental. In this I am sure
you will think with me. But to my languid mind, it is generally an
effort to say anything beyond "How d'ye do?" and therefore I often
delay the task in hope of an hour of vigour, till those who are
oftenest remembered might fairly imagine themselves forgotten; but now,
though I am flat and chilly, and have more than half a headache, I am
determined to spend the morning with you.
What you told me in your last letter, made me almost envy the situation
of those to whom religion appears as a glorious novelty, and who
embrace it with all the ardour, and gratitude, and joy of a newly
received message from heaven. They who, "from their childhood, have
been taught the Holy Scriptures" have, no doubt, their advantages; but
how liable are these advantages to be abused! It often happens, I
believe, that persons who have been long familiar with the name of
Jesus, as the sinner's Friend, are shamed out of their coldness and
negligence by the warmth and energy of those whose eyes are newly
opened to behold Him.
To inquiries such as those which you make relative to your not having
felt the strong convictions, and the overwhelming fears that many
experience in the commencement of their religious course, I have heard
the most judicious Christians reply, that a holy walk with God, a
humble consciousness of preferring Him and His service to any other
thing, is a better and safer evidence of a real change of heart than a
reference to the most remarkable emotions of mind at any particular
time. The Bible does not specify any certain measure of terror, or any
violent apprehensions of the Divine anger, as essential to true
conversion. "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be
saved," is its simple declaration; and as the evidence that we do
believe, and that our repentance is genuine, we must "bring forth the
fruits of righteousness". True sorrow for sin, flowing from a
contemplation of Divine mercy, which is called in the Scriptures "a
broken heart", is surely a more acceptable sacrifice than the most
fearful apprehensions of Divine wrath.
I cannot pass over in silence your hint on the subject of Church
communion. Although it is nowhere mentioned as essential to salvation,
yet the tender injunction of our Lord: "Do this in remembrance of me,"
is so forcible an appeal to our gratitude, that the neglect of it
cannot be considered an immaterial circumstance. If the rules of a
society calling itself a Church of Christ are so strict as to present
any real obstacle to a humble candidate, they must be unscriptural. And
in some places, where a full written account of the candidate's
religious history and feelings is made an indispensable condition of
admission, such rules are unscriptural, though, even then, whether the
exaction should be considered as a real obstacle, is a serious
question. In most cases, I believe, a private conversation with the
minister, or a Christian friend, is deemed sufficient; and whether so,
or in writing, a simple and general profession of trust in the Lord
Jesus, and of willingness to surrender heart and life to His service,
is all that would be required. Many, no doubt, would be better pleased
with a circumstantial experience; but I believe it is very rarely
demanded, and I am sure it would not be by your present pastor. You
know, too, that what is communicated on such occasions is not heard or
read by a whole congregation, but only by the members of the church;
and that in the absence of the candidate. The admission of a member is
always considered as a pleasing and profitable, not an awkward or
formidable service, by those who witness or are engaged in it ...
TO MRS WITTY
MARAZION, September 19th, 1815
MY DEAR FRIEND,
It is quite time to ask you how you do once again upon paper, though if
you did but know it, I am very often making the inquiry in my thoughts.
I have so many far distant and dear friends to think now of, that my
thoughts are become quite expert at the business, and fly from Ongar to
Rotherham, and from thence to Axminster, Bridport, or London, with
wonderful ease and expedition. There was a passage in your last letter,
which brought old days so forcibly and suddenly to my recollection,
that it made my tears overflow before I was aware. There is a long
train of recollection, you know, connected with those days; but they
are over and gone — all is settled, and well settled. For myself, as to
external things, I was never so happy. I should rather say so
comfortable (for that word best suits this world) as I am now. The last
two years of my life have been so tranquil, so free from irritation,
passed in a manner so suited to my taste and temper, with such a
beloved and genial companion; they have been so occupied with agreeable
employments, and so enlivened at times by pleasant society, that I have
often thought, should any thing occur to alter my present lot, I should
look back upon it as the brightest spot in my life. Ah well! I hope I
am in some degree willing to commit the future to One who knows how to
control it, and who will certainly prolong my present comfort, if it is
for my good ...
TO MISS MARIANNE HORNE
MARAZION, October 16th, 1815
Your ceremonious commencement of our correspondence, my dear Marianne,
was so discordant with my feelings, at the moment of receiving your
affectionate letter, that I determined to break through all restraint
at once. But if you do not follow my example, I shall consider it as a
signal for returning to the usual formality in the next.
Your kind letter was gratifying to me as a better evidence of real
regard than the most elaborate epistle. I thank you for your many
expressions of friendship. If I were conscious of having been a friend
to you in every and the best sense, I should receive them with unmixed
pleasure. I am however the more obliged for affection which must
overlook so many deficiencies, imperfections, and infirmities, as a
twelvemonth's intercourse has exhibited to your view. I say this, not
as a flourish, but from the bottom of my heart. It
was some time after your departure before I quite ceased to listen for
the well-known step upon the stairs: for a few days I was miserably
flat, and unable to take any interest in my
employments. But I have by this time begun to be
again sensible of the pleasures of regularity, and of the satisfaction
of resting in some degree upon myself. This revival, however, is not
accompanied by any diminution of regard towards those who are gone. The
substantial pleasure of having gained a friend — of having one more
heart in this cold world with which I can feel sympathy, and from which
I may expect it, remains. And as for the rest, the relief and
recreation of frequent intercourse — it is a pleasure which, however
desirable, may be cheerfully resigned, without at all impairing
friendship, and which, indeed, might have been enjoyed independently of
any feeling that deserves the name ...
TO MISS ELIZABETH MARCH
MARAZION, January 16, 1816
... Here we are surrounded by Methodists, and have the opportunity of
knowing what Methodism really is. We often attend at their chapel:
their preachers generally appear to be zealous and devoted men; and
their preaching well adapted to be useful to the class of persons who
are their hearers. I have never anywhere before seen so general a
profession of religion, and there is every reason to believe it is more
than a profession with many. A romantic little fishing town, just
opposite to us across the bay, contains, we are told, a large society
of experienced and fervent Christians, and the same is the case with
many of the forlorn, desolate-looking villages in the neighbourhood,
that seem in all things else a century behind the rest of the world ...
When one has been screwed up for some time with narrow-minded people,
it is no small relief to meet with those of enlarged and liberal views;
especially if their piety does not suffer by their intelligence. But I
am indeed much inclined to believe that the poor in every sense, the
mentally poor, are generally the richest in faith — that they receive
the Gospel more simply as it is, without reasonings and disputings, and
live upon it more entirely, and more happily.
MARAZION, March I8th, I8I6
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
... We thank you dear father for your kind
remembrance of us. We need not such assurances of your affection, but
still they are gratifying, long as we have been banished from a nearer
enjoyment of it. I never think without pain of the very long time out
of our short life that we have been separated, especially from dear
father's society, as for the best part of a twelvemonth before we left
Colchester he was from home, and since our removal we have been almost
entirely away; so that our recollections of him are almost entirely
confined to the dear old engraving days, and they will ever be among my
pleasantest recollections. I doubt not that whenever we are permitted
to meet we shall all observe in each other that Time has been carrying
on his usual operations; but I am sure from both your letters you think
I suffer more from anxiety than I do, so that perhaps I may not be so
much careworn as you fear ... I have, like Mrs. Palmer, an extreme
dislike of "being uncomfortable", which generally disposes me to make
the best of things, so that my letter gave you really a false idea if
it made you think I am "bowed down under a weight of cares" ... In her
last letter Ann informs me that James Montgomery has seen my specimens.
I could not repeat all the handsome things he says of them, and only
refer to his opinion as another weight in the scale. As a poet he is a
judge, and he is one by no means given to flatter ...
TO MISS EMMA CONDER
... You and I, my dear Emma, are, I fear, at present too little
acquainted to do each other much good. Were I to be
favoured with a closer acquaintance with your character, I hope I
should prove myself your friend by making occasional observations, as
might then appear suitable, and be equally ready to receive yours in
return. But at this distance we can only draw a bow at a venture; and
instead therefore of assuming the character of your monitor, which on
every account would so ill become me, I would rather congratulate you
on being so closely surrounded by friends from whose wise and
affectionate instruction, and still more by whose example, you must be
urged forward. In your two cousins you have invaluable friends, whose
silent virtues are all eloquence. Were it my happiness constantly to
enjoy their society, I should hope in time to reflect some of their
rays; and if I might be permitted to point out particularly any point
in their character, it would be that peculiar simplicity in their
manner, proceeding from (I know not what better word to use) an —
honesty of heart. It is no uncommon thing in these
days to see young women of cultivated minds and superior talents joined
with grace and accomplishments, but is it not at least more rare to
find these united advantages unalloyed by ill-concealed
self-sufficiency and an artificial style of conduct that is at once
detected even by superior observers? We have frequently remarked in our
intercourse with your cousins that we never for a moment perceived the
smallest attempt to set themselves off, as it is called, or the least
approach to affectation in their manners; and the reason plainly is,
that their virtues are built on a solid foundation, and that the only
humility which can be genuine — a Christian humility, influences all
their conduct. From bitter experience, my dear Emma, I can warn you
against indulging in that kind of discontent with yourself, which, as a
little self-examination will convince you, has its source in anything
rather than true humility. You mention in your letter being in the
habit of making painful comparisons between yourself and your friends;
and so far as such comparisons tend to urge and stimulate us to an
imitation of their perfections, it is well; but it, too, has a contrary
effect, and leads us to view our own real or supposed defects with
fretful despondency. I would not put such an affront
upon your understanding, dear Emma, as to endeavour to persuade you
that you have no cause for self-dissatisfaction, though from general
observation I might say, with perfect truth and sincerity, that you
have no occasion for discouragement, but that you possess many
advantages, both personal and relative, which demand your gratitude.
But we have all too much occasion for deep humility when we look within
and see how much is amiss there. But we are too apt,
I fear, instead of looking within, to look without, and even when
regarding the perfections of our most valued friends, are we not too
apt to envy them the less important advantages, and those which are
least attainable, than to emulate those solid excellences which are
really within our reach? It is their beauty, their accomplishments,
their talents, their taste, that we desire to possess; while their
piety, their usefulness, their sweetness and humility are attainable if
we pursue the same end, and make the same sacrifices to attain them.
Religion, indeed, will not do everything for us; it will give us
neither graces nor accomplishments, nor taste, but the blessings it
offers are, a humble mind, a meek and lowly spirit, and it will enable
us, not only with resignation, but with cheerfulness and gratitude, to
take an allotted portion, and will teach us industriously to cultivate
our one talent, if we have no more ... A large family is an extensive
field for the exercise of all virtues, and calls for our self-denial,
patience, and forbearance, and demands our activity, kindness, and
generosity; and how much of the comfort of our future lives must depend
on present conduct! When our parents are no more, and every opportunity
of showing them respectful attention and grateful love is over; when
our brothers and sisters are dispersed, and no longer require our
affectionate attention, it will be an unspeakable happiness if we can
look back upon those days without painful reflection or self-reproach.
I said, respectful attention: respect is a word I am fond of, for if
well attended to in a family, it will go a great way towards promoting
its order and happiness. A respectful conduct should by no means be
confined to strangers, where common politeness demands it, nor even to
our parents and acknowledged superiors. That familiarity which breeds
contempt should be carefully avoided even among brothers and sisters of
equal ages. Affection loses all its gracefulness without that
accompanying respect which should never be lost sight of, even among
perfect equals, and especially where we must acknowledge superiority.
"Honour to whom honour is due," is a text well worth studying, and I
hope I have, in part at least, acted under its influence in my own
family ... I hope that not only in my feelings, but in my conduct also,
I have remembered the respect which must ever be due to those from whom
we hope and wish to learn. You have a brother, and I am sure you are
not insensible to this privilege. If you are really solicitous to reap
benefit from his society, be not contented to love and admire him, but
let the deference you pay to his superiority influence your outward
conduct, and your manner towards him, and you will find it will greatly
promote and dignify mutual affection ...
TO THE SAME
I am very glad, my dear Emma, that even at such a little distance of
time you can look back on your visit to us with so much pleasure. It
certainly evinces a previous disposition and determination to be
pleased, since our house possesses few indeed of those attractions
which would render it agreeable to most visitors; so that, except the
charm of novelty, and the regard which you avow for its inhabitants,
all the rest must be attributed to your own good disposition and good
nature. But from many expressions in your letter, it is evident that
some feelings of dissatisfaction mingle with the more agreeable
recollections. I well know what it is to call myself to an account upon
my return from a visit; and though I have sometimes found it a painful
operation, it is doubtless a very salutary and a very necessary one,
especially if the inquiry is not — What will my friends think of me?
But — What do I think of myself? For that, indeed, is but a false and
superficial repentance which is not awakened till faults are discovered
by others. Our own consciousness of them ought to awaken the severest
pain. Self-disapprobation, my dear Emma, is the first
step towards improvement; without this nothing can be done — nor need
any one (especially those who are young) be greatly discouraged, even
should they upon examination find there is much to be done. This should
stimulate to extra exertion, and by no means lead to
despondency. From sad experience, I know the wide
difference between our planning and reforming; weak resolutions and
half-efforts will never do. If we wish for amendment, we must make up
our minds to work hard. Nothing but real fighting can ensure victory. I
am persuaded, dear Emma, that after so many expressions of affection
and esteem as you have bestowed upon me, I need not solicit your
forgiveness for writing with that freedom which a few years' more
experience of the vanity, weakness, and deceitfulness of the human
heart may perhaps warrant me in attempting to advise
you. I believe you will give me credit for the
kindness and sincerity of my motives in so doing. You might, indeed,
feel justly indignant were I to compliment you by denying what you
acknowledge, and to attempt to persuade you that you had no occasion
for self-reproach. You know far better than I can possibly do on what
your dissatisfaction is grounded; it is not my business to inquire. I
would only urge you by every argument, not to rest contented at this
critical period with careless complaints or faint endeavour — but to be
absolute and prompt; and that the disease may not be "healed slightly",
do not set about external reformation, nor rest satisfied till you
really are what you would appear to be. Desire to become a sterling
character; and whether or not you excite the admiration of strangers,
be ambitious to respect yourself, and to win the esteem of your best
friends and nearest associates. A prevailing desire for admiration, if
not wholly incompatible with moral and religious improvement, is, I
believe, the greatest bar to it. Indeed, dear Emma, the love and
respect of one truly valuable friend is worth more than the admiration
and flattery of the whole world. It is true that when we are led to
survey the recesses of the heart, and so to discover something of the
chaos within — when we come to search our motives, and examine the
merits of our best actions — the idea of restoring order is most
discouraging, and we may well exclaim, "Who is sufficient for these
things?" Truly writ, as it is impossible. How suitable, then, and
encouraging are the promises of a new heart and a right spirit to those
who really desire, and earnestly seek the blessing! Thus, then, we have
no right to despond, no right cause to complain of the difficulties
either from within or without, since such potent aids are promised us.
Only this idea must not tempt us to relax our own exertions; we must
watch as well as pray, for heavenly arms are provided on purpose that
we may fight with them. But you, dear Emma, are too well instructed to
need to be told, and, I hope, too considerate to need to be reminded,
that the shortest, the safest, the easiest, the pleasantest, indeed the
only way to conquer the difficulties of which you complain, is to seek
heavenly wisdom; is to learn of Him who was meek and lowly in heart,
and you shall find rest and peace to your soul. We hear with pleasure
from Josiah that you have come to the determination of leaving home.
Now, dear Emma, do not be hurt, or surprised, if, instead of
sympathising with you on this occasion, I am more disposed to
congratulate you, because I do indeed believe, provided the situation
is not very unpropitious, you will be better and happier for the
change. Great and ample are the rewards of self-denial; and when
from a sense of duty we do anything that appears unpleasant, we are
often surprised to find how much less pain and difficulty there is in
it than we expected. I am much mistaken if you will not in the present
instance find this to be true. For besides the great pleasure of doing
right, and making a laudable sacrifice — a change of situation, and
especially should it be one that requires constant employment, may be
most advantageous to your character, and conducive to your improvement.
It is much more easy to follow up good resolutions, and to break old
habits and begin new ones, in a new sphere and among different people.
The necessity of constant mental exertion would be another important
benefit, for the mind decays even more than the body, without regular
exercise. And indeed, dear Emma, if you should be placed in a situation
where this was required, and all your mental powers called into action,
you would find a new world of satisfaction and enjoyment open to you.
Constant useful employment gives you distaste for, a disgust at,
triflers, and enables us to see them in their true significance. If the
duties you are called to perform are not considered as mere tasks or
drudgery, but are pursued with interest and energy, I will venture to
say that the pain you may experience from the first effort will be
amply recompensed by a large amount of substantial pleasure and
satisfaction. When I commenced my letter, I had no notion of speaking
so plainly; but having been led to do so, I cannot prevail with myself
not to send it. I shall be both pleased and obliged if you take it
kindly, and I should indeed be rejoiced if anything I have said should
stimulate and encourage you in your exertions, or even reconcile your
mind to the change you have in contemplation ...
TO MISS ELIZABETH MARCH
MARAZION, April 24th, 1816
... I am glad you have heard and were pleased with Mr. Josiah Hill, and
wish you knew him as a parlour companion: one does not often meet with
a person so completely intellectual.
Of Methodism and Arminianism, I knew scarcely
more than the names
before I came here, and am very glad of having seen them for myself.
Cornwall certainly offers a favourable specimen of the Methodists: the
good they have done is unquestionable, even by the most prejudiced
witnesses. But what they have effected is fairly attributable to their
zeal and laboriousness, rather than to their peculiar opinions. The
ignorant poor, when they become pious, are so almost exclusively
"taught of God" — they are so little encumbered with human knowledge,
that I believe it makes very little practical difference indeed whether
they are called Arminians or Calvinists. The same unerring Spirit
guides the minds of both to all essential truth. But does it not seem
that opinions are of more importance and produce more decided effects
on the more cultivated? I think I have lately witnessed some such
effects. An Arminian who is much interested in his peculiar views,
unconsciously perhaps to himself, very sparingly and partially exhibits
in his preaching the good news of the Christian system: he seems
fearful of preaching a too free salvation for sinners. I am far from
saying that this is the case generally with the Methodist preachers,
but I am sure it was the case with the most zealous Arminian I ever
heard or knew. But if peculiar opinions give a bias to the strain of
preaching on one side, there can be no doubt that it does so in a much
more baleful degree on the other. I would much rather, as I value my
soul's safety, attend the preaching of an Arminian than of a high
Calvinist. I have heard a few of these preachers, and have seen and
heard much of the effects of such doctrine among the common people. It
is said to be just now a fast-spreading evil among the Evangelical
clergy of the Establishment; and it is spreading like a leprosy among
the ignorant in all denominations. I believe there is scarcely any
tendency towards it among the regular dissenting ministers; but some of
their flocks are infected. There is something so flattering, and
imposing, and comfortable in the statements of preachers of this class,
and the evil (except in avowed Antinomianism)
is so much concealed,
that it is no wonder that the doctrine is eagerly embraced by those who
wish for a cheap and indulgent way of getting to heaven: nor even that
many of the sincere and humble are led into the snare. If the accounts
we hear are correct, it is not Towgood, but
high Calvinism, that has
induced Mr__ to leave the Establishment —
it is said he objects
especially to reading the Ten Commandments.
Having heard and seen so much of the evil tendency of these sentiments,
I was very sorry to hear lately that they had found their way to __: at
least, what I heard led me to suppose that it was so: it was said that
Mr. __ had lately professed that a great change had
taken place in his views: that he now perceived he had never before
known or preached the Gospel; and that the minds of many of his most
pious hearers had, in consequence of this change, been very much
unsettled but that they were now falling into his views. Now, though it
would be very wrong to judge upon this evidence alone, yet this is so
precisely the language of the party, that one cannot but fear that the
fact is as I have supposed ... Many of the people, I have no doubt, are
so truly Christians, that their own minds may sustain but little
injury, and their lives continue as ornamental to their profession as
before, but it is not probable that this will be the case with the
majority. It is certainly a temptation to a young man to preach in that
strain, for nothing will so certainly ensure popularity.
I am glad that so favourable a change has taken place at __, and hope
Mr. __ may find some judicious guide to direct his inquiries; though,
if he is indeed inquiring, he will doubtless be directed well at last.
I have lately read an excellent paper on hyper-Calvinism, explaining
some causes of its growth, and especially tracing it to a backwardness
on the part of many professedly Evangelical ministers in introducing
the grand truths of the Gospel, so that their hearers, having real
cause of complaint, readily run to the opposite extreme.
You have, indeed, been led to the true, the only way of solving your
difficulties on some of the deeper doctrines of religion. Every attempt
to explain them has, to me, always rather increased than removed the
difficulty and my own discouragement. But certainly, I should not fly
to Antinomianism in order to escape from it. This system may, indeed,
seem to remove the difficulty a step further off; but there it meets us
again, just the same as before, unless the omnipotence and omniscience
of God be disputed. But let us wait: it is but a little while, and we
shall comprehend something of the depths of the wisdom and knowledge of
God; though now "unsearchable, and past finding out". How chilling are
the very terms of controversy, and how unlike the language of the
Bible! To live near to God, to walk humbly with Him, is the surest way
of having our minds satisfied on these points. "The secret of the Lord
is with them that fear Him: He will show them His covenant."
Chapter
XIV. Visits – residence
at Ongar, and at Hastings
THE consequences upon my sister's health and spirits, of the great and
long sustained excitement occasioned by writing the Essays in Rhyme,
were such as seemed to render change of scene, and complete relaxation,
necessary. She therefore determined to spend some part of the ensuing
summer in Yorkshire. We left Marazion in the month of June 1816; and
after an agreeable journey of a week, reached Masborough, near
Rotherham, where Mr. Gilbert then resided. This visit afforded the most
delightful and beneficial relaxation to her mind, by yielding her at
once the lively enjoyments of a renewed intercourse with those most
dear to her, and the pleasures of an introduction to the very
intelligent and agreeable society of that neighbourhood.
The religious circles within which Jane Taylor was welcomed in
Yorkshire, when on visits to her sister, Mrs. Gilbert, afforded samples
of intelligence, of Christian feeling and of consistent conduct, of
which she had seen very little at Colchester; and it was thus again
that her views were expanded. She had lately, as has been
mentioned, formed friendships among zealous members of the
Established Church — distinguished more by the fervour of their piety
than by literary tastes. She now found literary tastes, and a general
intellectual zest — less simple-minded, perhaps, in an evangelic
sense — less purely evangelic — but yet undoubtedly sincere and
genuine, as well as fruitful in works of Christian benevolence. What
those changes are which may have come in upon English dissenting
Christianity, in the course of fifty years, this is not the place to
inquire; but it is certain that fifty years ago there existed a
feeling in and among the larger congregations (perhaps the smaller
also) throughout the midland counties, which made it a golden time
for a popular religious writer, and especially for a female writer.
There was intelligence — there were habits of reading — there was the
listening to noted preachers — Robert Hall
the prince of them, which
altogether raised some of these societies to a level, as to thought,
taste, and knowledge, which no other religious communions of the time
had reached; and a knowledge of which might have amazed some of those
literary magnates whose only notion of the "sects" was that
they were knots of self-willed and ignorant enthusiasts, of whom it
would be well if England could be thoroughly cleared. Such were not
the leading Dissenters of Yorkshire, Lancashire, and the
manufacturing districts, and a little way southward. In truth, some
very small dissenting congregations in obscure towns might then have
been named, within which as many books were annually read as would
have sufficed for satisfying the intellectual hunger and thirst of
the "Clergy, Nobility, and Gentry" of a county for seven
years. What I have seen — and known in several parts of England,
warrants my risking the conjecture.
Six weeks were
thus pleasantly passed in Yorkshire: in August we returned to Ongar,
after an absence from home of nearly three years. In this interval my
father had left the Castle House, and had removed to what had been a
farmhouse, a short distance from the town with this house and its
garden, my sister was delighted; and felt the highest pleasure — a
pleasure altogether congenial with her character, in being once again
in seclusion with those she most loved. Her feelings on this return
home are described in a letter of this date:
TO MISS ANN
MAXWELL
ONGAR, August 28th
1816
... Why have you
neglected to fulfil your promise of telling me something of yourself —
body and mind? Remember that the surest way of making your letters
interesting, is to let them contain particulars respecting yourself.
I shall be severely punished, indeed, for having made "Egotism" the
subject of one of my Rhymes,
if it should influence any of my friends
to refrain from those communications on which the interest of a
friendly correspondence entirely depends. In truth, I have found it
one of the inconveniences attendant upon making one's opinions public
(and I assure you these inconveniences are not few), that others are
apt to suppose one is always on the watch for those failings that
have been censured; or that the censure or raillery was directed
against some individual. I assure you it is much more from a
knowledge of my own heart, than from observation on the failings of
others, that I have written on the subjects I have chosen.
I wish this fine
morning I could take a turn with you in your pleasant garden, and
talk instead of write; or rather, if wishing were of any avail, I
would wish that you could take a turn with me in mine, which I think
you would enjoy. I must, however, tell you something of our
movements. We stayed a fortnight longer with Ann than we proposed;
the time passed pleasantly, and we were unwilling to part. I think,
however, you who know my taste for retirement, and my dislike of
general company, would have pitied me if you had seen the continual
bustle of visiting, with which my time was occupied. The contrast
with our mode of life at Marazion, was as great as it could be:
perhaps the total change of scene was what I needed.
On the 13th of
August we left Rotherham, and in a few days reached our dear paternal
home, after an absence of three years. It was, indeed, a joyful
meeting; and when, that evening, we once more knelt around the family
altar, I believe our hearts glowed with gratitude to Him who had
permitted us thus to assemble in peace and comfort, and had
disappointed all our fears. Here we are again in complete retirement;
and a sweeter retreat I do not wish for. We are nearly a mile from
the town, and surrounded with the green fields. The house is an
old-fashioned place, with a pretty garden, which it is the delight of
my father and mother to cultivate; at the door is a rural porch,
covered with a vine. Here we are rarely interrupted by any one; and,
although only twenty miles from the great world of London, we enjoy
the most delightful seclusion. The rooms are large and pleasant, and
the whole has exactly that rural air which we all so much admire ...
Jane's influence
within the little society at Ongar was real and great, though
noiseless, and of a kind of which it would be very difficult to
render an account in words — it was the influence of a superiority
which every one around her recognised — to which every one gave way,
readily, cordially, and unconsciously. Never was this superiority
assumed, or claimed, or even taken for granted: it realized itself —
one could not say how. At this time, Jane Taylor had acquired an
extensive literary reputation — a fame, as a popular female writer,
which ensured her a flattering welcome almost wherever she went. And
yet no stranger, incidentally entering the room where she was quietly
taking her part in a Ladies' Working Society, would have surmised the
fact, or have thought anything more than this: That the daughter of
the minister of the congregation at Ongar was there present — doing
just what a minister's daughter is expected to do — setting an
example of assiduity in a labour of charity.
To some
individuals of this small circle, Jane's influence was peculiarly
beneficial. One, especially, may be mentioned — now long ago
deceased. Sarah Bingham — then by several years my sister's senior —
was the daughter of a preceding minister, Thomas Bingham, one of Dr.
Doddridge's students at Northampton. An early disappointment in love,
and, I think, the unkind behaviour of a sister and other relatives,
had gone near to overset her mind; at least, so far as to make her
much too sensitive of unintended slights and affronts. She was,
however, a woman of intelligence, and of some acquaintance with
books, being the daughter of a well-educated and well-read man. She
at once found in Jane Taylor — not one to supplant her, or to claim
over her, any superiority, but a delicate and considerate friend —
ready at all times to stand at her side, and to assist her in
maintaining the position, due to her among the people, as their late
minister's daughter and representative.
A philosophic
observer might have watched with advantage the gradual sanative
influence of Jane Taylor in restoring the mind of her senior friend.
No intimacy, in Jane's own sense of the word, took place between the
two — no correspondence resulted from this friendship. But whenever
Jane was resident at home, Miss Bingham enjoyed frequent intercourse
with her; nor failed, to the last, to give evidence of the benefit
she thence derived in an increasing tranquillity — a self-possession,
and a consciousness, so healing to the wounded in spirit, that there
is in the world one, at least, by whom she is understood and
esteemed.
During this visit
at home, Jane and her mother projected a work, to be executed
conjointly, in the form of a correspondence between a mother and her
daughter at school. These letters were commenced at Ongar, and
completed at Hastings, where we passed the whole of the following
winter. The composition of her part of these letters, together with
her stated contributions to the Youths'
Magazine, furnished her with
just so much literary employment at Hastings as was consistent with
her health, which had materially suffered by the great exertions she
had made during the preceding winter. She now devoted a much larger
proportion of her time to reading than at any former period. The
usual consequence of much reading she soon felt and regretted;
namely, a great indisposition to the exertion necessary for writing.
And, indeed, after this time, she never again surrendered herself
fully to the excitement necessary for productive efforts of the mind.
The months passed
at Hastings were passed in complete seclusion from society; it was,
however, to my sister an agreeable winter; for though she could
relish the pleasures of general society, when they came in her way,
they were what she never sought or wished for, when deprived of them;
and of the society of her dearest friends she had long been
accustomed to be deprived. With the pleasures of regular employment,
books, and fireside comforts, she was ever satisfied and delighted.
Writing to her sister from Hastings, she says: "We have had a
peaceful, comfortable winter: all I have wanted to make it as
comfortable to me as formerly, was the same interesting employment.
In the prospect of returning to Ongar, I feel keenly the pleasantness
of the situation, and the affection of my family. The former is much
more to me than you would imagine, from what you saw of me in a much
finer country. There is a composure of mind and freedom from
excitement which is essential to my enjoyment of the country; and its
being then the time of the Essays
coming out, together with all the
bustle and variety, totally destroyed that composure; but I can truly
say,
I would not for a
world of gold
That Nature's
lovely face should tire.
And though the
time of romance is over, I rejoice to feel in myself an increasing
capability of intellectual pleasure. Excuse me, dear Ann, for this
pure egotism, and for reflections which to you, surrounded by so many
pressing realities, must seem trivial. But to none of my married
friends, except you, can I write of my own interests, without feeling
that I am intruding upon theirs. I feel, in writing to them, that
they are married. But I except you, dear Ann, not only because you
are a kind sister, but because you retain the enthusiasm of other
days — you are not hardened and blunted by the world."
The leisure
enjoyed by my sister at Hastings was employed in maintaining
intercourse with her friends.
TO MISS MARIANNE
HORNE
HASTINGS, December
l0th, 1816
If you knew the
glow of pleasure and affection with which I take up my long-neglected
pen, every suspicion of neglect which my silence may have occasioned
would be dispelled. I know of few things that would give me greater
pleasure than your taking a place at our new fireside; and as the
best substitute for that unattainable pleasure, I do hope you will,
as soon as compatible with your engagements, let me receive another
of your interesting and ever-welcome epistles ...
Here we are
enjoying as much comfort as I expect in this world. Our lodgings are
pleasanter than those we occupied at Marazion. We are close to the
sea, and all the rooms command a full view of it. Hastings, however,
affords by no means the quiet seclusion which we there enjoyed. In
summer, of course, it is crammed with Londoners; and even through the
winter many families remain; so that the walks, though very
picturesque, are continually invaded.
... I think my
last was written from Sheffield. We soon after took a painful leave
of our dear sister, and returned, after three years' absence, to
Ongar. Oh, what a pleasure it was to be welcomed by kind parents to a
home! Nothing could exceed their kindness and indulgence all the time
we were there; and after so long an interval, we knew how to value
this affection. They thought me not looking well, and it has been my
dear mother's constant business to nurse me up again during my stay.
Our house stands alone in a pretty country: it is an old farmhouse —
more picturesque than splendid — and therefore it suits both our
tastes and our fortunes. I enjoyed exceedingly the three quiet months
we spent there; all my love of nature returned in a scene so well
adapted to excite it, and it was delightful to see our dear father
and mother enjoying, in their declining years, so peaceful a retreat,
and wishing for no other pleasures than their house and garden and
their mutual affection afford. Although I have dwelt so long upon our
affairs and adventures, I must a little longer continue the same
strain, to thank you for the generous and candid praise bestowed upon
my last volume. I do assure you that the sensible and sincerely
expressed approbation of the friends I love, is far more gratifying
to me than that of a world of strangers; and from you I feel
especially pleased to receive this approbation; because the book
contains some lines with which you must be so far from pleased, that
nothing but genuine liberality could enable you to judge favourably
of the remainder. I would that my spirit were as catholic as yours!
TO MISS ELIZABETH
MARCH
HASTINGS, March
7th, 1817
... As I feel
obliged to my friends for remembering me ever, I do not complain,
though I may regret a long silence. Of all things, I dread having to
do with affrontable people; and therefore have always endeavoured to
avoid this disposition myself. Besides, as in the present instance I
am chargeable with a long silence, I have no right to find fault with
you. That feeling of self-importance which leads one to make a large
demand upon the recollections and attentions of friends, is gradually
cured by time and experience, if not by good sense and reflection;
and altogether, it is, I hope, pretty well damped in me. For a few
weeks during the last summer, I felt much pleasure in the thought of
being once more within reach of you: but that plan was abandoned, and
I have now little expectation of seeing North Devon again. It is a
country I shall always remember with interest, both on account of the
friends I found there, and because it was the first romantic country
I had ever seen; and that first vivid impression is such as will
never be effaced. I am glad, however, that my North Devon friends are
not fixtures, like its hills.
... I am sorry to
hear of the unpleasant circumstances at __. People will never
understand that it is not religion, but irreligion, that causes these
mischiefs. If "the children of God are peacemakers", surely
the breakers of peace cannot claim Him for their Father. I remember
Miss __, and she was what you describe. I knew one in still humbler
life at Marazion, of the same sort. She was a servant in the house we
occupied there for a few months; a Methodist, and of such slender
abilities that she could rarely understand a common order, till it
had been repeated once or twice; yet she was indeed "wise unto
salvation". Her conversation (perfectly unaffected and
unassuming) was, on religious subjects, enlightened and edifying. Her
plain face beamed till it was beautiful with Christian love and
peace. I remember her with affection and respect. How strange it
seems, that in Christian societies so few should be found who thus
adorn the doctrine they profess, in all things.
... How strange
that those who know they must die should ever feel indifferent about
the future world! It is one of the strongest marks of a depraved
nature — one of the greatest wonders of the present state. I have
sometimes thought that more might be done than is commonly attempted
in education to familiarize the idea of death to the minds of
children, by representing it as the grand event for which they were
born; and thus making a future state the object of their chief
interest and ambition. Perhaps something more might be done; but,
after all, we know and feel that nothing but the mighty power of God
can overcome the earthliness of the mind, and give it the discernment
of things spiritual.
TO MISS ANNIE
MAXWELL
HASTINGS March
18th, 1817
... This fine
weather reminds me strongly of Marazion. I look at the sea, and
sometimes fancy I am on the shores of Mount's Bay; and sometimes wish
myself on board one of the vessels we see passing down the Channel,
which might in a few hours convey me to those from whose society I am
separated. But though this may not be, the time is fast coming when
there will be only a dark river to pass, in order to unite us. The
indistinct ideas we have of the unseen world render it difficult to
derive so much pleasure from such thoughts as they are fitted to
yield. Yet, when we recollect how soon this fearful stream must be
forded, it is surprising that we can feel deep interest in anything
beside. But, alas! our eyes are beclouded, and not so much by the
fears of death, as by the cares and interests of life: at least it is
thus with me. The longer we live the more we see of the weakness,
deceitfulness, and vanity of our hearts; and of the inefficiency of
outward circumstances to rectify these inward deep-rooted evils. I
used to think, when I was more exposed to the common snares of the
world than I have lately been, that if I were but completely secluded
from it I should find it comparatively easy to make progress in the
Divine life. But I have had the most humbling proofs that the evil
lies within.
TO MISS MARIANNE
HORNE
HASTINGS, March
I8th, 1817
Since I have been
here I have looked back with more regret than ever to the short
season of my intimacy with you. Until within a few days I have not
conversed with a human being since I came to Hastings, except my
brother and the people of the house. The dissenting minister of the
chapel died very soon after we came here; since that time there has
been no minister settled at the place. We have generally attended at
church. Mr. __, whom I mentioned to you, has preached during the
winter, in both churches; they have been unusually crowded, and much
attention has been excited, at least among the common people: the
higher classes complain of his Methodism. He preaches with much
earnestness and faithfulness; and it is hoped will do good ...
I was sure, my
dear friend, before your last letter convinced me of it, that, in
your present solitude and banishment from external excitements, your
mind would grow, and your graces brighten, so that when you are
restored to the pleasures of society, you will be prepared to meet
its dangers. Ah! it is easier to "keep the heart with all
diligence" amongst common, than amongst interesting people, is
it not? That the seat of the evil, however, is not in the world
without, but in the heart, I have the fullest conviction. It may be
wise, indeed, to fly from outward temptations; but if this is all, we
do much too little. The experience I have had of life, and of my own
heart, renders me (at least in times of sober reflection)
increasingly indifferent with respect to future events. There is,
certainly, this great advantage in having tried several different
modes of life, that one can ascertain in what degree circumstances
tend to influence the character and affect the happiness. I have been
placed in situations such as I should have imagined, some years ago,
would have made me extremely happy; and now I know that nothing
external can do this. And though there are enjoyments that I have not
tried, yet I see others in the possession of them, and I observe in
them the appearances of dissatisfaction. Thus I endeavour to check
the inquiry which we are all so ready to make, "Who will show me
any good?" It is easier even to repress this inquiry, than to
conclude the verse with sincerity: "Lord, lift Thou up the light
of Thy countenance upon me, and that shall put more joy in my heart."
Have you met with
any of Madame de Stael's
writings? I have just been reading Corinne,
ou I'Italie, and have been so deeply interested that it seems as
though I had gained a new friend. It gives a striking description of
Italy: as a novel, though of deep interest, it is in some respects
faulty But the profound reflections with which it abounds —
displaying the most intimate acquaintance with the human heart, and
the most just and elevated taste for nature and the fine arts - form
its distinguishing merit. She is said to be, and I can believe it to
be just, the first female writer in Europe. You may judge how much
the book interested me, when I tell you that, lazy as I am, I made
many pages of extracts from it. I have, however, had forbearance
enough not to read another novel of hers which is in the library
here; for, indeed, I have felt the enervating effects upon the mind
of reading in succession several works of the lighter class. I have,
however, with the one exception mentioned, abstained from novels: but
too much poetry produces an effect of the same kind, and I have
lately been taking tonics; that is, reading Robertson's
histories of
Scotland, and of Charles V. I am now reading the Life of Mrs.
Carter, in which, though there is much literary trifling, which is to
me extremely disagreeable, yet I find what repays one for the
perusal. I think you would be pleased with it, as her tastes and
talents were so much of your order.
Do not be
discouraged with regard to your qualifications for teaching, because
you find the work laborious, and your pupils sometimes
incorrigible. I believe it is your forte. But your being "apt to
teach", cannot always make your scholars apt to learn. It was
mere forgetfulness at the time, that I did not give you the history
of the Lascars, and of the interesting wreck which happened a few
days after you left us. I fully intended to do so, but forgot it when
I next wrote, and now it is too much out of date. Poor Andrew, the
sick stranger, remained three months under the care of Miss Maxwell.
She was entirely the means of restoring him to life; and she sent him
away completely equipped by her own hand ...
XV.
Return to Ongar — religious feeelings
IN April of the following year we left Hastings; and Jane spent some
weeks with her friends, in and near London; after which she once more
returned to Ongar. It was about this time that she first perceived an
induration in the breast, which continued, during the following
years of her life, to hold her in a state of constant
apprehension, and at length proved fatal.
My sister's religious comfort had been, for some time, gradually
increasing; while the pensiveness and diffidence of her temper
seemed to give way to the influence of matured judgment, and confirmed
principle. Her religious belief had long been settled; but she had
failed to apprehend, with comfort to herself, her own part in "the hope
set before us in the Gospel". It was at length, rather suddenly, in the
summer of the year 1817, that the long-standing doubts as to her own
personal religion were dispelled; and she admitted joyfully the
hope of salvation. The extreme reserve of her temper, as well as her
want of religious comfort, had up to this time withheld her from making
an explicit profession of her faith in Christ, and joining in the
commemoration of His death. Now, however, this reluctance gave way.
A letter addressed to her sister, written a few months afterwards,
shows that her views on the subject had not been uninfluenced by her
intercourse with her Wesleyan friends in Cornwall. She says: "My
mother told you of my having joined the church. You may have supposed
that I was frightened into it by my complaint; but I feel thankful that
this was not the case; for it was not till after I had consulted Mr.
Clyne that I felt any alarm about it; nor had I before any idea of its
being of a formidable kind. My mind, all the summer, had been much in
the state it has been in for years past, that is, unable to apply the
offer of the Gospel to myself; and all confusion and perplexity, when I
attempted to do so. One evening (about three weeks before going to
London for advice), while alone in my room, and thinking on the
subject, I saw, by an instantaneous light, that God would, for
Christ's sake, forgive my sins: the effect was so powerful that I was
almost dissolved by it.5
I was unspeakably happy; I believed that had I died that moment I
should have been safe. Though the strength of the emotion soon abated,
the effect in a great degree remained. It was in this state I went to
London; and when I heard, what was to me wholly unexpected, I could not
but consider the change in my feelings as a most kind and timely
preparation for what, but a few weeks before, would have overwhelmed me
with consternation and distress. As it was, I heard it with great
composure; and my spirits did not at all sink till after I returned
home. Since then I have had many desponding hours, from the fear of
death. The happiness I enjoyed for a short time has given place to a
hope, which, though faint, secures me from distress."
Soon afterwards, Jane accepted an invitation from a beloved friend at
Reading, to pass the winter there: she also spent some weeks with her
kind relatives at Oxford. She left Reading
early in the following spring, and after spending a month near London,
once more returned to Ongar. During this winter, the symptoms of the
disorder above-mentioned became more specific and alarming: she had
before received the advice of eminent surgeons in London; and at
Reading she was daily under the care of a very highly-esteemed medical
friend, whose anxiety for her recovery could not have been greater had
she been a daughter. This gentleman (father of the friend with whom she
was a visitor) interdicted to her, absolutely, all literary labours;
indeed, she had now begun to feel the excitement of composition to be
directly injurious to her health; and after this time she wrote only
occasionally, and at distant intervals.
The summer of the year 1818 was a season of severe and continued
sickness in our family. Jane herself, one of her brothers, and her
father, were, in turns, confined for several weeks by dangerous
illness. In her anxiety for those dear to her, she so much forgot
herself, that her own alarming complaint seemed quiescent; and in the
autumn, when family comfort was pretty well restored, she appeared to
look more cheerfully upon life than lately she had been wont to do; and
consented that arrangements should be made for increasing her comfort
at home. With this view she once more fitted up a study, to which she
became as strongly attached as to any she had ever occupied.
Believing herself to be now likely to remain at Ongar, she actively
engaged in works of Christian charity. During a former abode at her
father's house, she had originated a Ladies' Working Society for the
benefit of the poor, and to the meetings of this society she gave her
attendance whenever she was at home. She became also a constant and
most laborious teacher in the Sunday-school, and continued to be
so long after it was apparent that the exertion exceeded her strength.
It was in the sedulous and affectionate instruction of the children of
her own class that she delighted; and so far was she from assuming any
right of superintendence over her fellow-teachers, that she retreated
as much as possible from the precedence which would gladly have been
yielded to her; doing less, perhaps, in matters of general direction,
than she might have done with propriety and advantage.
My sister was in nothing an enthusiast; she was not therefore supported
through the fatigues and discouragements that attend such
laborious duties by those ardent feelings or sanguine hopes, which
often aid the benevolent activity of young persons. The reverse
was too much the case, and, whenever good appeared to result from her
labours, it seemed to take her by surprise. Nor were her early habits
or her tastes much in unison with exertions of this sort. Whatever she
did of this kind was done simply from a strong conviction of the
obligation of Christians not "to please themselves", but to be "always
abounding in the work of the Lord".
The influence of principle over her mind became still more conspicuous
when she was called to take her part in promoting the objects of the
Bible Society in her neighbourhood. For that publicity and those
businesslike forms which seem inseparable from the conduct of this
and similar institutions, were peculiarly in opposition, if not to
her judgment, at least to her habits and her feelings; yet when she was
convinced that it was not practicable fully to attain the important
ends of the society by silent and unconnected exertions, she
submitted to the apparent necessity of the case, and took her part
in associations and committees.
Besides the attention bestowed on the children of her class on the
Sunday, Jane instructed them in writing and arithmetic one afternoon in
every week. Labours of this kind were agreeable to her, because she
found in them what is needed by minds devoid of enthusiasm — a direct
and perceptible benefit resulting from her exertions.
During this period my sister wrote fewer letters than she had been wont
to do, yet dropped none of her epistolary connexions. The following
letters belong to the time of which I am speaking:
TO MISS SALOME GOODRICH
ONGAR, August 23rd, 1817
MY DEAR SALOME,
When I heard of your being suddenly summoned to attend your brother, I
felt an immediate desire to write to you, not from the idle expectation
that I could say anything to lessen your uneasiness, but from a
feeling of true sympathy which similarity of circumstances
awakened. I asked for your address when I wrote to Ann; but was still
dubious whether to trouble you with a letter, when the arrival of yours
quite determined me. I thank you for it, and I thank you still more for
finding any pleasure in writing to me, and for the assurances of your
kind recollections. They are, I assure you, acceptable. I have
learned to value a little love more than many times the quantity of
praise; and when I receive expressions of affection from any one who, I
know, in some degree understands me, and who has had opportunity
of observing many of my faults, I feel both obliged and comforted.
I was truly glad to hear a better account of your brother's health. I
think you cannot yet have felt more desponding than I have formerly
done about my brother: for a considerable time I was quite persuaded
that he could not recover; and whenever I allowed myself to
entertain any hope, I felt all the time a secret conviction that it was
wilful flattery. Yet now — I would say it with thankfulness — he is so
far recovered as to remove all immediate anxiety. I know not whether
there is anything encouraging to you in this; but it is encouraging to
know that the same Almighty Friend who spoke the healing word in one
case can do so in another, and assuredly will if it be really
desirable. He who is "the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever", still
regards the prayers and tears of a sorrowing sister. I used very often
to say, "Lord, if Thou art here, my brother shall not die"; and I used
to try to add, "Thy will be done", and if ever I can say this with
sincerity it is when I take pains to reflect on the wisdom and goodness
of God, and think how certainly what He does is best. And even with
respect to the spiritual interests of beloved friends, where certainly
acquiescence in disappointment is most difficult (perhaps in this
world impossible), even in this case there is great consolation in
recollecting that the Judge of all the earth will do right. We are not
more benevolent or compassionate than He, and it is with this simple
persuasion that I find it easiest to repel those hard and rebellious
thoughts of God, which certain passages to which you allude are so apt
to excite. We may be sure that if we put any construction upon
them that is in any way injurious to the Divine character in our minds,
it is, it must be, a false construction. I think there is greater
encouragement to pray for the salvation of those dear to us than for
anything, except our own. There are, indeed, many instances of the
prayer of faith being answered at last in such cases: but it should be
the prayer of faith, not a desponding, distrustful prayer. "When ye
ask, believe that ye shall receive, and ye shall have."
I do not know whether your removal to __ was agreeable to you or
otherwise. Your attachment to __ was, I believe, local, and one
may suffer in parting from places, as well as from persons. I know you
must regret the beautiful scenery you have left, especially as all you
have thought and felt in that period of life when the thoughts are most
lively and the feelings most keen, is inseparably connected with it.
There the illusions of youth have been cherished; and whatever scenery
may surround you when they begin to fade, it will inevitably appear
less enchanting. I am so perfectly acquainted with the whole history
and mystery of the feelings you describe, that you need not expatiate
on that subject. Madame de Stael, who seems to have felt everything
that a susceptible mind can feel in this world, has some admirable
passages on that very subject. In the prospect of quitting society of a
certain kind, she says:
“Il me semblait que j'entrerais en possession de l'univers le jour ou
je ne sentirais plus le souffle desséchant de la
médiocrité malveillante". Again: "On est honteux des
affections fortes devant les âmes légerès un
sentiment de pudeur s'attache a tout ce qui n'est pas compris —
à tout ce qu' il faut expliquer — à ces
secrets de l'âme, enfin, dont on ne vous soulage qu'en les
devinant." Again: "C'est en vain qu'on se dit, tel homme n'est pas
digne de me juger; telle femme n'est pas capable de me comprendre: le
visage humain exerce un grand pouvoir. Sur le coeur humain; et quand
vous lisez sur ce visage une désapprobation secrète, elle
vous inquiète toujours, en dépit de vous-même;
enfin, le cercle qui vous environne finit toujours par vous cacher
le reste du monde."
I have not given these extracts to fill up my letter, but because I
thought they would please you; though perhaps it is necessary to be
somewhat acquainted with her style to enter fully into them.
After all, a little, or perhaps a great deal of Christian humility is
the best antidote to the uncomfortable feelings generated by
mixing with society either above or beneath one; and the simple
desire to do good to others will dissipate in a moment a thousand
unfavourable feelings.
Do not suppose I am in your debt in affectionate and agreeable
recollections of the hours we spent together; and believe me to be very
affectionately your friend.
TO MRS. GOLDING.
READING, January 20th, 1818
MY DEAR ELIZA,
I have indeed longed to tell you how much I have felt for and with you
since I heard of your severe illness; and being myself, at the
time the account reached me, considerably indisposed, and in low
spirits about my complaint, I felt a peculiar sympathy with you,
thinking it probable that, after being so many years connected in
intimate friendship here, we might in a very short time recommence our
intercourse in another world. However this may be, we may each of us
feel persuaded that it cannot be many years before we enter that world.
That we should either of us see old age is improbable. Oh that this
quickening thought might have its due influence!
I have still occasional pain, which keeps alive anxiety; but on the
whole my spirits are pretty good. I endeavour to cast this care
upon God: and especially to impress my mind with the consideration
that, even if my most sanguine hopes of recovery should be realized, it
would make no essential difference in my prospects. There is no cure
for mortality. Attention and supreme regard to my eternal interests is
absolutely necessary, independent of all immediate considerations. Yet
I feel the use — the benefit of this perpetual monitor, and pray that
its voice may not be heard in vain; for, after all, the most
threatening afflictions are vain, unless the Spirit of God makes them
the means of good to us. This, too, I have strikingly experienced. But
how encouraging under all discouragements, is that simple promise:
"Ask, and ye shall receive": especially when we reflect that
God, "who cannot lie", has given it to each of us. This may encourage
us to ask, not only for salvation from the wrath to come, or for just
grace enough to save us at last, with which it would be easy to be
contented: but for great spiritual blessings — eminent
spirituality of mind — "a life bid with Christ in God", so as to have
at last "an abundant entrance into the kingdom of God".
TO MISS ELIZABETH MARCH
LONDON, May 20th, 1819
… I am come to London for a few
days to execute some some commissions. These fine showers that are
making the hills and vales rejoice, are making London more dreary than
usual; and they confine me to a dull apartment, where, in rather lower
spirits than are common to me, even in London, I sit down in perfect
solitude to seek your distant society; my brother is out for the whole
day on business. Solitude in the country is sweet; but in London it is
forlorn indeed. So you see all things conspire to make this a very
animated composition. My health has not been so good this spring as
during the past winter and summer; for this there is "a needs be". But
though I believe these continued warnings to be good and necessary, yet
fear seems to have an unfavourable influence upon my mind;
inasmuch as I am apt to suspect the genuineness of prayer that is
rendered more fervent than usual by an apprehension of danger. I feel
regret unspeakable in looking back upon those past years of health and
vigour that were devoted to self-pleasing. And yet, is there not "all
consolation", and consolation far all, in the unqualified offers of the
Gospel, and in the simplicity of its declarations? "Daughter, be
of good cheer; thy sins, which are many, are forgiven thee": what needs
one more than this? and surely nothing less will do — not at least for
those who are obliged by some threatening disease to realize their own
mortality, and to look at eternity, as those who are in sound health
cannot see it. In comparing the temperature of my feelings with yours,
I was discouraged: yet I know that religion does not alter the
constitution of the mind, any more than of the body. In you, ardent and
energetic; in me, languid and phlegmatic, it would never assume the
same appearances. They, however, are doubtless the happiest
Christians the constitution of whose minds is the most favourable to
the life of religion. But I feel that these considerations will not
serve as an excuse for me, seeing that "God is able to make all grace
to abound in us also".
Monday Morning. I heard
yesterday three good sermons ... That in the evening by a plain
Methodist preacher; the best, I thought, of the three — that is, the
most to the grand purpose of preaching. Why do we not hear such sermons
oftener? Some ministers appear to be under an unaccountable
infatuation; as if they were afraid or ashamed to come to the point —
as if every subject connected with religion were to be discussed in
preference to that which is the foundation of all; as if they
would rather direct their hearers to any surrounding objects than
immediately to "the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sin of the world".
How little do they consider the disappointment they occasion to those
of their congregations who go, Sabbath after Sabbath, hungering for
"the bread of life" — who need the consolations of the Gospel!
TO MISS MARIANNE HORNE
ONGAR, June 7th, 1819
If the frequency of my letters
bore any proportion to the value I set upon yours, I am sure, my dear
friend, you would be weary both of them and of me. Never, since the
days of romance were over with me (or perhaps I might date a little
later than that), never since the termination of a correspondence
of unusual private interest, has letter-writing been in itself easy or
agreeable to me; though, as a means of maintaining friendship with a
few I love, I value it as highly as ever. It was extremely easy to
write at that period of life, when "realities appeared as dreams,
and dreams as realities". Oh, the sheets I have despatched about
absolutely nothing! It is easy, at any time, to write when interesting
facts are to be related, and when hopes and fears are keeping the mind
in perpetual agitation. But this is rarely the case during the greater
part of our course. When the current of life is seen near its rise
— sparkling amid rocks and hills, and meandering through flowery
recesses, it is entertaining enough to trace its windings; but
when it has reached the plain, and glides in a broad and even channel
for many a mile, though its incessant flow towards the boundless ocean
may afford subject for pensive reflection, there is little to invite
description.
Thus I often contemplate my own course; the illusions of youth are
completely over; I think there are no circumstances that could now
cheat me into a belief that life is, or could be, very different from
what I now see it to be. I might indeed be more busy; and so have less
leisure and inclination to moralize about it; but this would not alter
the case. "Then I saw that this also is vanity" — is the confession
that must be extorted from every heart, as one scheme of happiness
after another has had its trial. Perhaps it was after some similar
experience that David said: "I shall be satisfied when I awake in Thy
likeness." When we have felt that nothing else can satisfy the mind,
then we are constrained to look to the Fountain of happiness ... It is
not strange that the wicked should go on in their wickedness; but is it
not strange that those who know anything of religion should not adorn
it more? This is the discouragement. Yet perhaps there are many "hidden
ones", who, unknown to their fellow-Christians, are living near to God,
while those who stand foremost in the church are content "to follow
Christ afar off" … I rejoice to hear from a mutual friend that you are
actively engaged in doing good. There is something stimulating in
reading Paul's salutations to the good women of his acquaintance;
he evidently singles out those for especial notice who were most
active and zealous in good works — "Priscilla, his helper in Christ
Jesus" — "Mary, who bestowed much labour on them" — “Phoebe, a
succourer of many": while we may imagine that his more general
remembrance — "To all the saints that are with you" — refers to
others, a little resembling those modern professors of Christianity of
whom charity is bound "to hope all things". How pleasant and cheering
is it to look at the few who are not of this doubtful character; and
how delightful when those who are most dear to us give us this
pleasure! ... This increase of piety in our dearest friends is real
prosperity; and when we think prosperity of any other kind very
desirable, we forget ourselves, and view the world with the worldling's
eye …
TO MRS. WEBB (MISS ELIZABETH MARCH)
ONGAR, September 14th, 1819
… I truly rejoice with you in the happiness of seeing another of
those most dear to you walking in the truth. This is family prosperity.
How weak is our faith when we suffer anxiety for any other kind of
success to exceed the desire for the endless happiness of those we
love; and how little do we feel like Christians, when we are surprised
and mortified to see them encountering those trials and disappointments
which we know to be the most usual and effectual means of promoting
spiritual life. I have just received an account of the severe trial of
one, of whom, judging as the world judges, one should say that severe
affliction was not needed. But God sees not as man; those whom He loves
best He ordinarily chastens most, that they may be "seven times
refined". "To him that hath shall be given, that he may have
abundantly." … Poor Mrs. __, what an unhappy life hers must be!
unspeakably more unhappy than it would be if she were wholly destitute
of that "little religion", as it is called, that she has! To see age
tenaciously clinging to the receding world, is the most melancholy and
disgusting sight this evil world presents … In so small a society as
that with which we are connected, her zeal, for want of stimulus, is
apt to sink into total torpor. In this respect there are advantages in
living in a large town, where the zeal of the few keeps the
lukewarmness of the many from freezing. I feel heavily the peculiar
responsibility that attaches to me as a single woman, remembering that
of such it should be said that "she careth for the things of the Lord";
while, partly from indolence, and partly from a sort of infelicity in
dealing with others, I am too apt to recoil from those very duties
which seem to lie most in my way. "She hath done what she could", is a
sentence which often strikes. It is high praise, and what sacrifice can
be too great to deserve it?
Chapter
XVI. Visits and
correspondence from Ongar
THREE or four years were thus passed at home by my sister, in the quiet
discharge of domestic and religious duties; interrupted only by
occasional visits to her friends. During this time, the slow progress
of her complaint kept her mind in a state of anxiety, and deterred her
from attempting to execute some literary projects which had often
employed her thoughts. Besides keeping up her correspondence with her
friends, and writing the papers before mentioned, she composed, I
believe, nothing but the fragment entitled Philip; and two or three
pieces
expressive of personal feeling.
Besides the delicate and declining state of her own health, my sister's
thoughts were much occupied by the continued illness of her father.
During these times of domestic affliction it was impossible for her to
abstract her attention from present interests. In the autumn of the
year 1820 she attended him to Margate; and had the pleasure of seeing
her beloved parent surmount a disorder which had long threatened his
life.
Early in the following year Jane again left home, to visit her
sister, Mrs. Gilbert. She continued at Hull more than four months; in
which time she made excursions to York and Scarborough. In this
visit she seemed to enjoy the pleasures of general society more than at
any former time. Yet it was but for an hour that the flattering
attentions she often received abroad ever drew away her thoughts from
the domestic circle within which her heart reposed.
The following letter belongs to this time:
YORK, April 20th, 1821
MY DEAR FAMILY,
... I set off at noon on Monday, from Hull, in the steamboat for Selby;
from whence, about seven in the evening, I took the coach for York. It
was a beautiful moonlight night, and I enjoyed it much. The Minster is
indeed overpowering. Robert Hall, who lately saw it, says, all the
angels in heaven could not have built it. After that, the Quakers'
humble Asylum interested me most. We are just now going to hear the
Romish Service in a nunnery. To-morrow Cecil and I propose to return by
the coach and steampacket to Hull; as on the following day is the
grand Sunday-school anniversary, for which Ann and I have written the
enclosed hymns; and they have presented us with so many copies, that we
thought we might save ourselves the expense of printing if they chose
to use any of them at our own anniversary. Mr. Pritchett's house is
close to Micklegate Bar, where the pole on which the Duke of York's
head was stuck is still visible. Every turn here is interesting ...
Saturday, on board the
Steam-packet. A pleasant day. Cecil and I left
York this morning, after a very pleasant visit. The service at the
nunnery was exceedingly interesting. There are about thirty nuns; and
we saw them at the close of the service — it being Good Friday — all
kneel around the altar, while the priest showed to each a piece of the
cross, in a silver box. Their dress and movements were most graceful
and interesting.
This excursion appeared so much to have improved her general health,
that there seemed reason to believe that, as long as her mind could be
agreeably occupied, without too much excitement, her complaint might
remain in a quiescent state. In this hope, her many kind friends
in Yorkshire, Devon, and in the neighbourhood of London, warmly
urged her to pass her time in successive visits among them. She felt
deeply the kindness of these Invitations; and believed also that this
frequent change of scene, and these social pleasures, would be more
likely than any other means to promote her recovery. But she determined
rather to remain at home.
This determination, I have reason to know, was influenced chiefly
by a regard to her religious interests; for she had felt, with regret
and fear, the effects of continued external excitements, in
diverting her attention from objects of supreme importance. She
trembled at the danger of losing sight of her highest hopes; she wished
now to call home her thoughts, and to converse with her own heart,
without interruption. Such were the motives which she repeatedly avowed
to those with whom she was accustomed to converse confidentially, when
urged to avail herself of the kind invitations of her friends — "I
find", she often said, "that home is the place that suits me best".
It was, therefore, with a free and deliberate preference of the
interests of the soul to those of this life, that she returned to
seclusion, and to the offices of Christian charity, when she had every
facility and strong motives for pursuing a different course. The house
at Marden Ash, near Ongar, in which my father had lived eight years,
being at this time let, with the farm to which it belonged, he removed
from it to a house which he purchased in the town. This new abode,
although altogether more commodious than the last, was so much less
suited to my sister's tastes, that she felt many regrets at the
removal, and it evidently increased the depression of her spirits; and
thus hastened the progress of her disorder.
In the autumn of the year 1821, attended by one of her brothers, and a
nephew, she visited Margate, where she placed herself under a new
medical direction; and with the view of giving full effect to the
course of remedies recommended, she passed the following winter months
near London, where she could have the advantage of constant
advice. The months passed in this way gave her the pleasure of daily
intercourse with a new friend; to whose kindness and Christian counsels
she thought herself deeply indebted. At this time, her opinion of her
own case had become decidedly unfavourable; though still, when
alarming symptoms abated, she admitted the
hope of recovery. The state of her mind, under these circumstances, was
neither so tranquil as she wished, nor so much agitated as those who
knew the timidity of her disposition had feared it would have been.
Her feelings are described in a letter to Mrs. Gilbert, from which the
following passages are extracted. After informing her sister of the
unfavourable opinion of her case, which had been given by two surgeons
whom she had lately consulted, she says:
You may judge, then, dear Ann,
what my expectations are, when I
calmly and steadily view my present circumstances. Of late, too, I have
felt my general health more affected than hitherto. But it requires
much utterly to extinguish the hope of recovery; with God nothing is
impossible. Besides, it is really difficult, while occupied with the
usual pursuits of life, and while able to go in and out much as usual —
it is difficult to realize the probability of death at hand. But it
comes strangely across me at times when, forgetting it, I have been
planning as usual for the future. Then a dark cloud overshadows me, and
hides all earthly concerns from my sight, and I hear the murmuring of
the deep waters. I expect I shall have deep waters to pass through —
already I feel the sting of death, but am not without hope that it may
be taken away.
Though the hope of recovery continued to agitate her mind, still her
principal anxiety related to her hope of the better life. The doubts
that at times distressed her took their rise, for the most part, from
the high notions she had formed of the requirements of the Christian
life. Of the way of salvation, as a free and full provision of mercy,
she seemed to have a clear apprehension; but she had long believed,
that, from the want of a sufficiently explicit, particular, and
authoritative exposition of the law of Christ, as given to us in His
discourses, the Gospel is extensively and fatally abused in the
professedly Christian world; and she trembled lest the flatteries
of self-love should delude herself into a similar presumption.
It will be seen from her letters with how much pleasure she listened to
those preachers with whom the great doctrine of salvation through the
sacrifice of Christ is the principal subject, and who, following the
example of the Apostles, make the freest offer of this salvation to
their hearers. But still she listened with jealousy to the glad tidings
thus proclaimed, unless constantly accompanied with a fearless,
distinct, and uncompromising exposition of the parallel truth, that
"every one shall receive according to his works". Her frequent
expressions were such as these — "I have no doubt as to the way of
salvation — it lies upon the surface of the Scriptures, and appeals
with the force of truth to every heart that is humbled by the
conviction of personal guilt. But those who shall receive the benefit
of this free salvation, and who shall be "accounted worthy to stand
before the throne", are those who on earth are meet for heaven, by
being truly like Christ and am I — are the mass of those of whom we are
accustomed to think well — are they like Christ?
Entertaining such views, my sister was often distressed with the
apprehension that there are indeed "few who shall be saved"; and not
being able to class herself among the few whose eminent holiness of
temper and of life, and whose abounding labours in the Lord,
distinguish them, beyond doubt, as the disciples of Christ, she
was long unable to admit the comfort of assured hope.
Whatever may be thought of this state of mind, and of the justness of
those views which were the occasion of it, I have, at all events,
believed it to be right to mention them.
Jane had, in consequence of peculiar circumstances, become deeply
concerned for the orphan family of a deceased friend. Her anxiety on
their behalf prompted her to address them, collectively, in the
following letter:
TO MISS SARAH MEDLAND, AND HER SISTERS AND BROTHERS
ONGAR, August 15th, 1822
… As my time is limited, I cannot
devote much of it to subjects of
inferior moment, but must address myself at once to that which is
all-important, and in which all other advices are included. But in
treating this subject there is a peculiar difficulty in addressing
those who, like you, are continually reminded of its importance, both
by private and public instructions; to whom, therefore, every argument
is familiar, and must appear common-place. Nor would I be thought to
infer, by any remarks I may make, that your minds are not already
impressed, more or less, with the importance of the subject. But from
experience I know what need there is of being incessantly quickened and
roused afresh; and it sometimes happens that a word from a comparative
stranger has more effect than the same thing suggested by a familiar
voice.
But now I know not where to begin, nor how to find language to reach
the heights and depths of this boundless subject. No language, indeed,
can do this; and, therefore, we find in the Scriptures no attempt is
made beyond the most plain and simple statements, but which are, on
that very account, the more striking. What, for instance, could the
utmost powers of language add in force to that question, "What shall it
profit a man, if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" And,
my dear friends, there is very great danger, notwithstanding all
the warnings and admonitions we receive - there is very great danger of
losing our souls! It is so easy to pass on from one stage of life to
another — from youth to age — with good intentions towards religion,
and with a common respectable attention to it, without once coming to
the point — without once tasting the happiness of a good hope, or
enjoying the supreme satisfaction of making a full surrender of our
hearts and lives to God. Multitudes of the professors of religion thus
live and thus die; making their comfort and prosperity in this life
their chief object of pursuit, and paying only so much attention to
religion as they deem absolutely necessary to escape eternal
destruction. But this is not Christianity, such as the Scriptures
describe it; and it is surprising that, with the Bible in their hands,
any person can make so great a mistake about it. If God has not our
hearts, we are not His; He will accept nothing less. If our affections
are not in heaven, we shall never reach it. I remember that during my
youth, I was for many years greatly discouraged, and almost in
despair at last, on this account; feeling the impossibility of
bringing my earthly mind to prefer spiritual things — to love God
better than the world. At length, in a letter from a pious friend, I
was reminded that this great work, though impossible to me, was easy to
Him; and that He had promised to do it for all who ask. From that time
my difficulties began to yield. I saw how absurd it was to doubt the
promises of God; and that it was in respect to these very difficulties
that He says, "Seek and ye shall find": so that I began to see, with
unspeakable joy, that the hardness, reluctance and earthliness of my
heart were no real obstacles, provided that I did but apply to Him for
a cure. Yes, to cast ourselves entirely on God, to do all for us, in
the diligent use of means, is the sure, the only way, to obtain the
benefit. But it is surprising what reluctance there
is in the mind to do this, and how ready we are to try every other
means first; especially we are unwilling to come by a simple act of
faith to the Saviour, and to accept from Him a remedy for all the evils
of our nature, although there is no other way. How much labour is often
lost for want of this. Come to Him, my dear friends, and "He will not
cast you out”: He declares He will not. And come as you are. It is
Satan's constant artifice to persuade us that we must wait till we
are fit to come. And as this faith that believes and lives, however
simple, is the gift of God, pray incessantly, importunately, till you
receive it.
I am sure you are all convinced already that delay, neglect, or
indifference, in religion, is the greatest folly, the deepest cruelty
we can practise towards ourselves, as it respects our interests in the
future world. And, indeed, it is so as to this world too. I have seen
something more of life than you, and I have lived long enough to see
that promise in numerous instances fulfilled, tha "they who
seek
first the kingdom of God" have other things added to them, in a more
especial and desirable way than those who make them the primary object.
I am firmly convinced that, taking the whole of life together, the most
pious and devoted persons — such as made an early and complete
surrender of heart and life to God — have most real prosperity and
success in this world, as well as infinitely more enjoyment of earthly
good. But really this is a point scarcely worth proving, when the
interests of a boundless futurity are concerned; yet, as it is one of
the chief illusions of "the father of lies" to persuade persons that,
in becoming decidedly religious, they must sacrifice the choicest
pleasures of life, and that God's ways are not "ways of pleasantness",
it is desirable to expose the falsehood. All the real and reasonable
enjoyments of life are entirely compatible, not only with an ordinary
profession of religion, but with the highest spirituality of mind; and
are greatly sweetened by it, if kept in their subordinate place: and
as for the rest, the gaiety, the vanity, the evil tempers, the restless
desires of a worldly heart, its selfishness and frowardness, and all
those indulgences which are forbidden to us, they are as certainly
destructive of our true interests and happiness here, as of our eternal
happiness. Of this truth, experience too late convinces the most
successful votaries of the world. But let us rise above these lower
considerations; the question is, Are we desirous to secure the
salvation of our souls? And it is impossible to fix a steady thought on
eternity without being so. Then let us take the Bible for our rule, and
never rest till we have a Scriptural foundation for our hope; nor till
our life, as well as our creed, is conformed to its precepts and
examples. Allow me then to mention those means which are most essential
to the attainment of this happiness.
To use means is our part; it is a comparatively easy part; and if we
will not even do this, it shows that we are not at all in earnest on
the subject. I will mention, then, as the first and the last — as that
which is indispensable to our making any progress in religion — daily,
constant, private Prayer. I am aware that where this habit has not been
formed very early, there may be a sort of awkwardness and false shame
felt in the commencement of it in a family; but
it is false shame, which a little effort will conquer, and a short time
entirely remove. I believe you know that it was my intention to
have recommended this practice to you, if not already adopted; and now
I cannot feel satisfied without doing so; for if ever I was sure that I
was giving good advice, I am sure of it in this instance; and I will —
I must — most earnestly request your attention to it. Perhaps some
of you might reply that, seldom feeling inclined to prayer, it would
generally be a formal and heartless service; but this is the very
reason why it must never be neglected. This reluctance to spiritual
engagements is what the best of Christians have to combat with, and it
can only be overcome by prayer. If, then, you were to wait till you are
of yourselves so disposed, depend upon it, you would pass through life
and plunge into eternity in a prayerless state; and although you may
often engage in private devotion with little feeling, and no apparent
benefit, yet there is one certain advantage gained by it, namely, that
the habit is strengthened; and as we are creatures of habit, and God
has made us so, He requires us to avail ourselves of its important
advantages. If there is any one thing more than another among the
many privileges of a religious education for which I feel thankful, it
is the having been trained, from my early years, to retire, morning and
evening, for this purpose. I found that a habit thus early and strongly
formed, was not easily broken through, notwithstanding all the vanity
of my youthful years; and however much I have to lament the abuse of
it, yet, if ever I have known anything of religion, it is to the closet
that I must trace it; and I believe that universal experience testifies
that our comfort and progress in the divine life are entirely regulated
by the punctuality and fervour of our engagements there. There is no
need that the exercise should be tedious; a short portion of Scripture
read with thought, and a few simple sentences uttered with the whole
heart, are far preferable to a much longer address, in which the same
heartless phraseology is continually repeated. But as your desires
enlarge, so will your petitions; and the more you are in earnest, the
less liable you will be to fall into hackneyed and formal expressions.
There is another practice which, next to prayer and reading the
Scriptures, I have found most profitable, I mean reading once
every day, at the time either of morning or evening retirement, a few
pages of some pious book — selecting for this purpose, not the light
productions of the day, but the writings of the most eminently useful
and impressive authors. Christian biography, also, is peculiarly
profitable. This custom need not add more than ten minutes to the time
of retirement; and it is, I think, one of the very best means for
retaining a daily impression of serious things. Habit, also (try it for
one month, and see if it is not so), will render this pleasant, even
though it should seem irksome at first. If you will excuse my entering
into such minute particulars, I will add, that the most
advantageous time for the purposes I have recommended is not that
of retiring for the night; drowsiness will generally invade us then;
besides, few young people can be quite alone at that time, and a prayer
said by the bedside, with a companion present, is not — I might almost
say, cannot be — personal prayer. It is a good — I will call it a
blessed custom — for a family to disperse to their respective places of
retirement half an hour before supper. Nor is it, you must be aware,
from my own experience alone that I recommend it; for it is a practice
which I know to be strictly observed by all my pious friends, and which
I have remarked in every serious family in which I ever visited. As to
the morning, it is highly desirable that it should take place before
breakfast, as afterwards it interferes with other duties, and is in
great danger of being quite neglected. Besides, it is as essential to
the health of the body, as of the soul, to rise at least early enough
for such a purpose. I fear I shall tire you, and will mention, but one
other thing, and that is, the advantage of a more particular
improvement of Sabbath evenings, as the time most suitable for longer
retirement and deeper thoughtfulness than the engagements of other days
will admit.
My dear friends, be not contented with low aims and small attainments
in religion: they are, indeed, fearful signs of insincerity; or, at
best, proceed from a merely slavish fear of the consequences of quite
neglecting it. Oh, do aspire to something beyond an ordinary reputable
profession of it! Here ambition is sanctified. Determine to number
yourselves among the happy few; and do not be discouraged by
difficulties, nor think it too much for you to attain. It is not
humility, but inactivity and despondency, that leads us to think
so. God will give us all the grace, and strength, and ability, we
really desire and ask for.
And let me affectionately recommend you early to seek to be engaged in
some sphere of active usefulness. Doing good is the most excellent
means of getting good. There is no mistake greater than to suppose that
we are sent into the world only to attend, however industriously, to
our own personal, or even family, interests. Love to our neighbour
demands our active exertions in his behalf; and we are all
required, more or less, "to go and work in the vineyard". We have all a
talent entrusted to us; and what shall we say when our Lord comes, if
we have not improved it? Did you never remark, in reading Romans xvi,
how St. Paul, in his salutations, particularizes those who were most
zealously engaged in good works? — "Phoebe, a servant of the church,
and a succourer of many" — "Priscilla and Aquila, his helpers in
Christ" — "Mary, who bestowed much labour on them" — "Persis, who
laboured much in the Lord"; while he passes over, with a slight
remembrance, or notes with censure, others who "minded only their own
things, and not the things that are Jesus Christ's". It must have been
gratifying to have been thus distinguished by the Apostle; but oh! how
much more so to be approved by Him, who for our good requires these
services from us; and to hear Him say at last, "Well done, good and
faithful servant!" We should suffer no day to pass without thinking of
and acting for that day when we shall be "judged according to our
works", as the only evidences of our faith; and very encouraging is
that kind and considerate expression of our Lord, concerning a poor
woman, showing that He is no hard master, and not unreasonable in His
requisitions — "She hath done what she could." But how few of us
deserve this praise! I am persuaded you would find useful activity one
of the best preservatives against the innumerable temptations to which,
as youth advances, you will be exposed. How many young persons have
blessed God that ever they were led to engage in Sunday-school
teaching! It profitably occupies that time which, if wasted in
frivolity and indulgence, leads to the worst consequences; and in
teaching others, a double blessing often descends upon the teacher.
But in engaging in active usefulness, especially when we are required
to associate with others, there are evils to be guarded against; and we
must be clad with the impenetrable armour of Christian simplicity — and
meekness, in order to avoid them. We may have to encounter those who
are officious, unreasonable, monopolizing, ambitious, and overbearing;
and if any similar tempers are indulged in ourselves, continual
contention must ensue. The only way is to rise superior to those petty
jealousies and inferior motives; to do good for its own sake alone; to
persevere in a quiet, forbearing, yielding line of conduct, which never
fails to disappoint and weary out the most troublesome, at last. And
even if any should say to us, however unjustly, "Friend, go down
lower," our wisdom and happiness is to submit with a good grace, and
cheerfully to labour in a humbler sphere. That temper and conduct which
is called "spirited" in asserting our rights, and maintaining our
consequence, is as unwise and impolitic as it is unchristian-like.
Nothing forms so truly great and dignified a character as "the meekness
and gentleness of Christ".
But with regard to our conduct, whether at home or abroad, we cannot
mistake, if we will but follow the precepts of Scripture, in their
plain and literal sense. This is too much neglected, strangely
neglected, even by those who profess to make the Bible their rule. If
we had no other directions whatever for our conduct than those
contained in that beautiful chapter, Romans xii, it would make a
heaven of earth, were they but attended to. It is an excellent chapter
to read very often, and deeply and daily to study. It would make a
little paradise of any society or family where its spirit was imbibed;
and after all, it is at home — in the bosom of our families, in our
daily and hourly tempers and conduct, that we have the best opportunity
of practising holy obedience to the commandments of Christ. Keeping
these commandments, which "are not grievous" — though we are prone
to think they are, till we try — implies a continual exercise of
self-denial; and if we are conscious that we make no such sacrifices —
that we are not in the habit of denying ourselves, it is plain that we
are not following Him at all; for those who do must bear some cross.
There is, indeed, something in the very sound of this word self-denial
which alarms our indolence; self-indulgence, pride, and wilfulness
are the greatest enemies to our peace and happiness; and one day's
experience is enough to show that, in proportion as they are resisted
and mortified, we are comfortable, tranquil, and happy.
May God bless you all, and lead every one of you safely through this
dangerous world, to His eternal rest. This is the earnest hope, and
will be the frequent prayer of your sincere and affectionate friend
J.T.
To the young lady who, as the eldest of the same orphan family,
sustained some responsibility in relation to her sisters and brothers,
Miss Taylor writes:
ONGAR, June 7th, 1823
… Do you remember the remark,
that the reason why, in the history of
our country, the female reigns have been most prosperous, is that
women, feeling their own insufficiency to hold the reins of government,
have been more ready than kings to depend upon the advice and
assistance of wise and able counsellors? Hence it has been said,
that in female reigns we have been governed by men; while kings have
often allowed themselves and their kingdom to be governed by women.
Certainly as much wisdom and prudence may be shown in the choice of
advisers, as even in determining important affairs ourselves. But above
all, my dear friend, your safety and wisdom will be, to "ask counsel of
the Lord"; and that not only in a general way, but with a firm and
steady dependence on Him, to do what you ask of Him; and this will not
be to order things in any particular way that you feel most anxious
for, but to overrule them so as He knows to be best for you. "Commit
your way unto the Lord, and He will direct your paths"; but I daresay
you are already sufficiently acquainted with your own heart to
know that it is no easy thing to do this unreservedly. We are prone
secretly to dictate to His Providence, instead of feeling an entire
resignation to it. I will venture to add one more particular
recommendation; and that is, that in the choice of persons to advise
you in your future domestic arrangements, you will select those only
who, in addition to worldly prudence, are qualified by the most decided
piety to counsel you.
I remember, several years ago, a very wise, kind, and good man said to
me, that as a general rule (though certainly not without exceptions) it
will be found, when we have a choice to make in regard to our affairs,
that the decision which is least agreeable to our inclinations is most
conducive to our ultimate welfare. This remark I have never forgotten;
and I have often since proved the justness and utility of it,
notwithstanding its apparent severity. I quote it to you with less
hesitation, because I know that, in any arrangements in which the
pleasures and relaxations of young persons are concerned, I am always
disposed to lean to the side of indulgence, to a degree which I have
often been blamed for. This I tell you, that you may
not too hastily conclude my opinions in such matters to be stern or
rigid ...
To the second daughter of this family she addressed several letters,
from among which the following is selected:
TO MISS E. MEDLAND
ONGAR, December 19th, 1823
MY DEAR ELIZABETH,
It is only the thought of your
being too busy to attend to anything but
the business in hand, that has prevented my writing before, to welcome
you into the new house; or, perhaps, if I had followed the dictates of
my own feelings, and consulted yours, I should rather have condoled
with you on forsaking the old one. I can guess what feelings have been
uppermost with you in every interval of bustle; and though not in fact,
yet in thought, I have paced with you through the deserted rooms —
sympathising with you in the remembrances they awaken. I am no stranger
to local attachments, and I respect them in others, as indications of
better feelings. The trees, the walks, the walls, that seem so dear,
are chiefly so as they are associated in our minds with those we love,
to whom they have been equally familiar. Sorrow in parting with these
objects is therefore an amiable regret; and it will be felt in
proportion as its inhabitants, and its quiet pursuits, have been loved
and enjoyed. Cowper has sanctioned such feelings in addressing his
mother's picture:
"Where once we lived, our name is heard no more;
Children not thine
have trod our nursery floor," etc
But, my dear girl, while I sympathise with your sorrow, and more than
that, love you for it, yet you know I would not encourage its
unrestrained indulgence. The proper and effectual antidote to every
undue and morbid indulgence of regret is to be found in the cheerful
performance of the daily recurring duties of life; which, by the
wise appointment of Providence, prevent brooding melancholy, while they
do not tend (like the relief sought in amusements and society) to blunt
the edge of genuine feeling.
The youngest brother, then at school, she addressed as follows, three
months only before her death:
ONGAR, January 16th, 1824
DEAR JOHN,
Ever since you first went to K__, I have felt a wish to write to you,
but have deferred it to this time, thinking that letters from your
friends might be most acceptable during the vacation, on account of the
little disappointment you have undergone in not returning home. I was
very much pleased to hear how cheerfully you submitted to the decision
of your friends respecting this; the consciousness of which will, I am
sure, afford you much more solid satisfaction, than if you could have
prevailed on them by childishly pleading to return. I have also heard,
with very great pleasure, the good accounts that have reached your
sisters respecting your conduct at school; and hope that you will feel
a laudable ambition to maintain this good character. We all know
that it is an easier thing to set out well while there is the stimulus
of novelty to excite us, than steadily to persevere in a good course.
Yet I need not remind you that nothing short of such steady
perseverance in well-doing, will avail anything to your real
advantage; and it is this alone that truly merits praise. You cannot,
therefore, guard too carefully against the first small temptations that
may present themselves, of whatever kind; if these are yielded to,
others more powerful will quickly follow; and thus, for want of a
little timely effort, every good resolution may eventually fail. "He
that despiseth small things shall fail by little and little." You are
now old enough, dear John, to reflect seriously; and let me advise you
to endeavour to gain some acquaintance with your own disposition, in
order to correct what may be amiss; and whatever you discover to be the
fault to which you are most liable, and the temptation by which you are
most easily overcome, there set a double guard, and resist them as your
worst enemies.
It has been frequently remarked by those who are engaged in education,
that pupils who show most quickness, and make most progress in their
studies, are the least worthy of praise in other and more
important respects. Now, dear John, do not let this be your case;
never be content with half a character, but be still more ambitious to
distinguish yourself for obedience, gentleness, kindness, and a
resolute resistance to all that you know to be wrong, than for any
mental attainments, remembering that cleverness, unconnected with
goodness, proves a curse, rather than a blessing. On the other hand,
allow me to remind you of the importance of diligently improving your
present opportunities for acquiring knowledge. How valuable
knowledge is, and how glad you will be of it in future life, you
can scarcely at present imagine; and be assured, no time will ever
arrive when the business you have now to attend to can better be done;
even if it could be done at all. But it has truly been said, that time
and opportunities lost in one period of life, can never be recovered in
another, because every portion of life is fully occupied with its own
proper engagements; so that what is lost through negligence in
childhood or youth, is lost irrecoverably. Now the only way to make
real proficiency in learning of any kind, is to acquire a love of it
for its own sake; and this may always be done by taking pains. Never be
contented with merely getting through your daily tasks in order to
escape fines and punishments. No boy of sound sense, and of a strong
mind, will need to be governed by such motives: he will find a pleasure
in that daily round of business, which, to the sluggish or trifling, is
all toil; and those difficulties which discourage and disgust the idle,
do but stimulate the diligent to greater efforts.
But, my dear John, let me still more urgently entreat you not to suffer
either business or pleasure to divert your mind from what you know is
all important. Oh do not indulge that foolish and false idea, that the
great concerns of religion may be put off to a future day! Do but try,
and you will find that "the fear of the Lord is" indeed "the beginning
of wisdom", and that they who seek Him early, enjoy His peculiar favour
and blessing on all the pursuits and events of life; and you, bereaved
as you are of early friends, how much more than you can possibly at
present imagine, do you need God to be your Father, and the Guide of
your unprotected youth! Study His will, then, by constantly reading the
Scriptures, and seek Him for yourself by earnest prayer, and be assured
you will not seek in vain. I will not apologize for not writing you an
entertaining letter; since it is the desire I feel for your truest
good, that induces me to fill it with such plain advice, persuaded that
you will not only receive it kindly, but peruse it with attention and
serious thought. You have heard how much your sister and I were
disappointed in not being able to visit you while we were at Bedford;
the bad weather rendered it quite impossible. Believe
me, dear John,
Your affectionate Friend
I have found a letter dated the day after the above, and it is almost
the last written by my sister, who from this time became incapable of
maintaining her usual epistolary intercourse with her friends.
TO MISS MARIANNE HORNE
ONGAR, January 17th, 1824
... I rejoice to hear of your
continued prosperity; and am not
surprised that the pressure of so important a charge should, at times,
depress your spirits; nor that even your happiest seasons should be
clouded by the distraction of mind consequent upon it; especially while
it is yet new to you. There are, doubtless, advantages in a life
of leisure which, if duly improved, would tend greatly to heighten
the happiness of the Christian life. But, considering
what our depraved nature is, there is a strong probability that they
will not be improved. So that, if I might so speak, I believe the
chances are greater of making spiritual progress in a life of activity,
or even of bustle, than when the mind is left at leisure to prey upon
itself, and indulge its morbid propensities.
I thank you, my dear friend, for planning so pleasant a scheme as that
of my visiting you at Manchester. I will not say it can never be; yet I
cannot indulge the expectation of my health permitting me to undertake
so long a journey. I have been very much indisposed for many weeks
past, with a severe attack of rheumatism, which has greatly confined me
to the house, and affected my general health. From this, I am thankful
to say, I am slowly recovering; but in other respects, I cannot boast
of improvement; yet the chastisements with which I am visited are still
lighter than my expectations; and how much lighter than my
deserts! I am endeavouring, but with small success,
"to forget the things that are behind, and to press forward". But oh,
how little can affliction in itself do to produce spiritual affections!
I feel this; and that, without the grace of God to help me, all these
rendings from life and earthly happiness will be in vain ...
I have lately taken a final leave of Mrs. Wenham, the friend of my
happier days: it was but a short interview; but we had time to take a
hasty and impressive retrospect of the past; of life, such as we had
each found it; and to compare our early expectations with those
circumstances in which we are at present placed. The moral was obvious:
"This is not our rest." ...
Chapter XVII. Last
illness and death
THE last two
letters have anticipated the course of the Memoir; and to this I now
revert. On the occasion of the death of her uncle, the Rev. James
Hinton, of Oxford, which occurred in the month of July, Jane was
impressed with the belief that death was not to visit the family with
a single blow; and this foreboding was not falsified, for, in the
following November, another uncle, Mr. Charles Taylor (the editor of Calmet), was removed;
and in a few months more, her own death took
place.
With the hope of
at least recruiting her spirits, my sister, accompanied by her
brother and a young friend; visited Margate once again; where she
passed the month of October tranquilly and pleasantly: on her return
she went to Bedford, and availed herself of the opportunity to visit
Olney and Weston; the feelings of the moment she has expressed in the lines
written on visiting Cowper's garden. Her return from Bedford
took place at the time of an extraordinary inundation; and she was
exposed, with the young friend who accompanied her, to considerable
peril in the journey.
At this time she
was so far exempt from suffering, or any positive inconvenience from
the disease that was preying upon her constitution, and her ordinary
comfort was so little impaired, that she took her part in the common
engagements of life, with scarcely any apparent diminution of her
wonted activity and animation. In these respects, she was indeed
remarkably favoured by the goodness of God; for, to the last, her
sufferings were only those consequent upon extreme debility. The
local disease insensibly prevailed over the strength of her
constitution, with little external show of its progress, and with
scarcely any positive pain. This exemption from suffering was noted
by herself and her family, as calling for lively gratitude.
The event might
probably have been somewhat different, had not new symptoms been
induced by accidental exposure to cold. On the 21st of November; my
sister went to London to take leave of one of her most intimate
friends, who was then preparing to leave England. This interview, it
was known by both parties, must terminate an intercourse of long
standing, and of unusual tenderness and confidence: the meeting was
therefore protracted as long as possible, so as to allow my sister to
return to Ongar the same day. Being unable to procure a coach, she
and her friend took boat at Lambeth, late in the afternoon, and
proceeded as far as London Bridge, through a chilly rain. This
exposure produced general pains, which from that time continued to be
the principal cause of her suffering, and, apparently, of the rapid
decay of her strength.
Notwithstanding
her extreme weakness, she still continued to attend public worship;
and even to teach her class in the Sunday-school. The last time of
her doing so was on the 4th of January. She went to the chapel
accompanied by a friend, whom, after teaching the children the usual
time, she took to a window overlooking the burial-ground; and,
pointing to a spot opposite, said, "There, Betsy, that is where
my grave is to be." The same afternoon, a funeral sermon was
preached, on the occasion of the death of a highly esteemed friend —
the mother of a large family, whose death had very deeply affected
her. She looked at the weeping family, and deliberately realized the
scene, soon, as she believed, to be repeated in the same place, when
her own family should be the mourners.
Either by the too
great excitement of her feelings on this occasion, or by her exposure
to the weather, her symptoms seemed to be aggravated from this time:
her breathing became so quick and feeble, as to keep her spirits in
constant agitation, and almost to prevent her joining in
conversation. She still took her place in the family circle, though
it had now become necessary that she should be carried from her
chamber to the sitting-room.
Partly from the
impulse of that restlessness which often attends a last illness, and
with the hope of deriving at least some alleviation from medical
advice, she determined, in the month of February, upon spending a
week with some friends in London, whose affection towards her gave
her the assurance that she should find all the comforts of home in
their house. Though extremely distressed by the exertion of being
placed in the chaise, the journey seemed greatly to revive her; she
in some measure enjoyed the society of her friends, and returned home
in amended health. She describes her feelings about this time, in the
following letter to her sister:
ONGAR, March 24th,
1824
... I hope the
pleasant excursion to Nottingham will do you both good. Give my kind
love to C__ and S__, of whom I often think; but I now refrain from
writing to any one unless it is absolutely necessary. I feel much
obliged by Mr. __'s kind remembrance of me: as to writing three
verses, or one, for his album, it has been, and is, quite impossible.
You heard from
mother that I went to town for advice. I was most kindly nursed there
for a week, and returned much better; nor have I since had a return
of that tremendous heaving of my breath, which I can compare only to
an inward tempest. This laborious breathing, however, though
relieved, has never subsided entirely since I first felt it, which
was from the commencement of the rheumatic attack. The weather for
some weeks past has been very unfavourable to me. I think there is
still a hope that my strength and appetite may be restored, at least
to what they were, when I am able to take the air, and perhaps to
change it. But I more often think that a gradual decline has
commenced; and if you were to see how much I am reduced, you would
not wonder at my forming such an opinion. My bones indeed "look
and stare upon me"; my strength, too, fails me, so that I cannot
walk more than once or twice across the room at a time, and whenever
I do, I feel as if all within me were hanging in heavy rags. Whenever
the weather permits, I am drawn round the garden, which is a great
refreshment. I need not tell you how kindly I am nursed, and how
tenderly all is done that can be done for my relief and comfort. I
have also to be thankful for being so free from pain: my suffering
now is almost entirely from debility, and weariness, and difficulty
of breathing; but what I am most of all thankful for, is that the
prospect of death is less formidable to me, owing to my having more
"peace in believing"; and an increase of this is all I want
in order to reconcile me to it entirely. I often think, too, that if
I am taken off by a gradual decay I ought to rejoice, as being
thereby rescued probably from far greater suffering; but I desire to
leave it all with God.
I hope you do not
forget that this summer is your time for coming to Ongar. For a long
time I have been looking forward to it as affording a hope of our
meeting once more, which I am sure we should both wish. We do not
like the thought of Mr. Gilbert's coming so far south without our
seeing him: could you not both come on from Nottingham? Though,
unless I should become rapidly worse, it would be better for you to
come when the season is more advanced. Dear Ann and Mr. Gilbert,
remember me in your prayers, as I am sure you do.
Your affectionate
Sister,
JANE
Referring to this
time, her mother writes:
What a
winter was the ensuing! Her disease baffled every means that we had
recourse to. On the 13th of February she went again to London for
further medical advice, and we were allowed to hope that she might be
nursed on for several years. This hope we were naturally disposed to
cherish, when after a week's absence she returned, apparently
improved; but these flattering symptoms were of short duration: her
breathing became increasingly laborious, as was supposed from the
cancerous disease having affected the diaphragm; otherwise she
suffered from the affected part less pain than is usually felt under
this disease.
On the Saturday
previous to her death the physician visited her, and now finally
extinguished our hopes, and at the same time hinted that her
dissolution was very near: this, as we had not expected it so soon,
was a severe shock. She evidently discovered by our countenances the
state of the case, but forbore to ask any questions. She was not
confined to her bed a single day, but was brought down in the arms of
her brother Isaac and placed on the sofa.
Neither Jane
herself nor her family fully apprehended the now near approach of
death; some degree of delusion is very frequent in such cases, and in
this the flatteries of hope were strengthened by that calmness and
fortitude, and reluctance to receive any assistance she could
possibly dispense with, which in great measure concealed the progress
of her decline; and also by the undiminished vigour of her mind, and
the unabated interest she took in everything with which she was wont
to be concerned. Though she had at this time become incapable of
long-continued religious exercises, yet, to the last day of her life,
the stated times of retirement were observed by her. Usually in the
evening, by her request, her brother read to her some portion of
Scripture, and a few pages of Bennett's Christian Oratory, a book she
highly valued. On these occasions her conversation, though not
elevated by the language of unclouded hope, frequently contained the
expression of a humble and growing trust in the power and grace of
the Saviour.
Happily for
herself, my sister's imagination, which throughout her life had been
too much alive to ideas of terror, seemed in a great degree quelled
by the languor of disease. Thus her mind was relieved from those
unreal fears which otherwise might have possessed her thoughts in the
near prospect of death. Still, occasionally, she seemed to be
contending with what she acknowledged to be terrors of the
imagination only. "Oh!" she would say, "the grave! —
the grave is dark and cold. But surely, even to the wicked, there is
no suffering in the grave." For some time she seemed much
distressed by an apprehension that her remains might be disturbed
after burial; but from this fear she was relieved by an explicit
promise that such precautions should be taken as should render such
disturbance impossible. For the most part; however, the higher and
the real interests of the future life occupied their proper place in
her thoughts; and whatever other anxieties might harass her for a
moment, she quickly returned to this sentiment:
If sin be
pardon'd, I'm secure
Death has no sting besides.
For months past
she had been wishing to transcribe her will, with a view of amending
it in some particulars, but had deferred doing so in the hope of a
return of strength, which might make her more equal to the task; but
feeling now her powers of body rapidly declining, she roused herself
by an extraordinary effort, and in a way quite characteristic of
herself; for it was always some endeavour to promote the comfort or
interests of those she loved that called forth the vigour of her
mind. She was therefore supported (April 5th) at her desk, and
continued writing with evidently a very painful effort for more than
an hour: she completed her task in the three or four following days.
I may just take the occasion to say that in the disposal of her
affairs she was guided by the most exact impartiality, acting
consistently with the principle she had often warmly professed, and
which is so rarely regarded — that there can be no more right to do
wrong (by indulging capricious preferences) in making a will than in
any other transaction of life.
Though the least
exertion had now become distressingly painful, her mind was so
perfectly collected that the transcript of her will was made without
errors, and the parts in which it differed from the original were
expressed with her wonted perspicuity: she also, the same afternoon
in which she completed her task, entered some payments in her
accounts, as well as the daily memorandums in her pocket-book, which
are completed to the Thursday before her death.
On Saturday she
was visited by the medical man whom she had consulted when last in
London. She was then, though actually dying, so little aware of the
near approach of death that she asked his opinion of the
practicability of her leaving home for change of air. After he left
her, however, recollecting his expressions and manner of replying to
her inquiries, she inferred the truth, and on Sunday plainly
indicated to her family that she did so.
Her last Sunday
was passed tranquilly: several times in the course of it she exerted
her utmost strength to converse with her mother, into whose mind she
endeavoured to pour that consolation which she knew would be much
needed. In the evening she conversed separately with her father and
brother; and to them, as before to her mother, she professed her
settled hope of heaven. To the latter she said, "I am now quite
happy, as happy as my poor frame will bear."
On Monday she came
down stairs at the usual hour, and was calm in spirit, seeming
distressed only by increased debility. During the morning she
conversed for some time with her brother, who received her dying
wishes and injunctions, and an emphatic expression of affection,
which will ever sound fresh in his recollection as if heard but
yesterday. In the afternoon she resolved to make a last effort to
finish a letter to her young friends in London. For this purpose her
brother supported her in his arms, for she was now utterly unable to
sustain herself; her affectionate earnestness to express to them her
deep concern for their highest interests cost her an effort that
seemed as if it must have hastened her dissolution. It is as follows:
ONGAR, April 11th,
I824
My VERY DEAR FRIENDS,
I must no longer
wait till I am more able to write, as every day I become weaker;
though I know it will give you pain, yet I must tell you that I
should not be surprised if these few lines are the last I shall ever
be able to send you. I am very ill; Mr. __ came yesterday to see me,
and I assure you he thinks me so. It is possible, he thinks, that a
change in the weather may revive me; but I am now so weak that I
think there is as much to fear as to hope from the warm weather.
However, that I leave; I will take care that you shall be informed as
often as needful how I go on to the last, and I shall hope to hear
from you, for though I cannot write I can read a letter. I thank dear
Elizabeth for her last. I am now indeed too ill to accept your kind
invitation.
Monday. I fear I
cannot finish. Oh, my dear friends, if you knew what thoughts I have
now, you would see as I do, that the whole business of life is
preparation for death! Let it be so with you. If I have ever written
or spoken anything you deem good advice, be assured I would, if I
could, repeat it now with tenfold force. Think of this when I am
gone. Tell James I hope he will read Williams's
Diary,
and study to become such a character as a man of business and a
Christian. I wish you all to read it. My love and best wishes to
John.
May God bless you
all. Farewell! farewell! dear S., dear E., dear P., dear J.;
farewell.
Yours till death, and after that, I hope,
JANE TAYLOR
In the evening a
minister called, with whom she conversed a short time in a tone of
cheerful and confirmed faith. Afterwards with her mother, in terms of
intermingled affection, consolation, and hope.
When carried
upstairs on Monday night, she for the first time allowed her sister
to do everything for her. She passed the night quietly; but in the
morning felt herself unable to rise as usual. About ten o'clock her
brother read a psalm and prayed with her. Soon afterwards she was
placed in an easy chair by the bedside. About the same time one of
her brothers arrived from London; to him she spoke with the most
emphatic earnestness, professing very distinctly the ground of her
own hope, and the deep sense she then had of the reality and
importance of eternal things. Her voice was now deep and hollow, her
eyes glazed, and the dews of death were on her features; but her
recollection was perfect, and her soul full of feeling. While thus
sitting up, and surrounded by her family, in a loud but interrupted
voice, she said, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy
staff they comfort me."
Soon after she
repeated with the same emphasis the verse”
Jesus, to
Thy dear faithful hand
My naked soul I trust;
And my flesh waits for
Thy command
To drop into the dust.
Repeating with
intense fervour the words,
Jesus, to
Thee my naked soul
My naked soul I trust.
Being then placed
in bed, all withdrew but her sister, with whom she conversed for some
time, giving her several particular directions with great clearness.
She then requested that everything in the room might be put in the
most exact order; after this she lay tranquilly an hour or two,
seeming to suffer only from the laborious heaving of the chest; and
in reply to a question to that effect, said she was "quite
comfortable".
In the afternoon
she observed her brother to be writing a letter; she inquired to
whom: being told it was to Mrs. Gilbert, who was then on her way to
Ongar, she gave her opinion as to the best way of insuring her
sister's meeting the letter, so as, if possible, to hasten her
arrival. She had just before said, "Well, I don't think I shall
see Ann again; I feel I am dying fast."
From this time she
did not again speak so as to be understood; but seemed sensible till
about five o'clock, when a change took place: her breathing became
interrupted, still she was tranquil, and her features perfectly
placid. At half-past five she underwent momentary struggle, and
ceased to breathe.
Her mother says:
It was my
sad office to close her eyes, an office which, according to the
course of nature, should have been reversed, yet if I know myself,
the acute feeling I manifested on that occasion was not unaccompanied
by humble submission to the Divine will.
Thus have I
conducted the reader to her dying bed, who from such a tranquil scene
will be disposed to say, "Let my death be the death of the righteous;
let my latter end be like theirs."
The interment took
place in the burial-ground of the chapel at Ongar, where a simple
monument has been erected to mark the spot.
No likeness of my
sister exists which would be thought satisfactory by those who knew
her. In truth, the expression of her face was of that kind which is
the most difficult to be seized by the pencil, for it was the
expression of the finest feelings habitually veiled from observation.
Her features were delicately formed and regular; her stature below
the middle size; every movement bespoke the activity of her mind, and
a peculiar archness and sprightliness of manner gave significance to
all she did.
But the truest
image of the writer's character will be found in her letters, which
were ever the genuine expression of her feelings. Not one of the many
of which I have had the perusal, betrays any attempt to write "a
clever letter": she corresponded with none but friends, and the
intercourse with those she loved was inspired only by warm and
generous affection. This may, indeed, be named as the prominent
feature of her character, for to love and to be loved was the
happiness she sought. Once and again in these letters there are
acknowledgments of the constitutional irritability of her temper.
This irritability was, however, more often excited by concern for the
interests of those whom she loved than by any other cause — I may say
never by the thwarting of mere selfish wishes. Her abhorrence of
every kind of pretension, of fraud, and of injustice, was indeed
strong; and this feeling, added to her piercing discernment of the
secret motives of those with whom she had to do, often occasioned her
much fruitless uneasiness, and might sometimes give to her manner an
air of constraint; for, to seem to accept as genuine either actions
or words which she suspected to be spurious, required a degree of
self command of which she was hardly capable.
In her letters my
sister frequently complains of the languor and inertness of her mind;
but these expressions, without explanation, would convey a false idea
to the reader. It is indeed true that the delicacy of her
constitution, especially after it was impaired by literary labour and
by sickness, rendered her liable to much langour; but her disposition
and her habits were active and diligent. In whatever she undertook
she was assiduous, persevering, and exact; and all her exertions were
directed by a regard to usefulness. She was fond of the labours of
the needle, as also of every domestic engagement. Indeed, so strong
were her tastes of this kind, so completely feminine was her
character, and so free was she from that ambition which often
accompanies intellectual superiority, that had she early in life been
placed in a sphere of home duties, her talents would probably never
have been elicited.
The combination of
humour and pensiveness belonged in a peculiar degree to my sister's
mind, and gave a grace and an interest to the productions of her pen.
Without this union and counteraction, humour is apt to become broad
and offensive, and pensiveness to sink into sentimentality or
dullness. But where it exists, even when both do not actually appear,
the one will operate by a latent influence to give point and
vividness to the most sombre sentiment, while the other serves at
once to enrich and to chasten the sportiveness of fancy. To these
qualities of my sister's mind were added a fine sense of the
beautiful and sublime in nature, and a nice perception of the
characteristic points of every object she observed.
In spontaneous
conversation, especially on some matters of opinion, she might seem
much influenced by peculiar predilections; but whenever she felt
her-self responsible for the opinion she gave, and especially when
she wrote for the press, her judgment was acute and sound, and
happily directed by intuitive good sense. Of this excellence, I think
her correspondence with her friends, and the papers contributed to
the Youths' Magazine, will
furnish frequent and striking instances.
Her poetical
remains exhibit a considerable versatility of talent. My sister first
wrote simply to express the overflowing emotions of her heart: these
pieces breathe tenderness; and relieved as they are by an elegant
playfulness, give the truest image of the writer's mind. It was under
the guidance of a peculiarly nice ear for the language of nature that
she accommodated these talents to the difficult task of writing verse
for children. Her compositions of this kind are for the most part
distinguished by a perfect simplicity and transparency of diction; by
brief, exact, and lively descriptions of scenery, by frequent touches
both of humour and of pathos, and by a pervading purity and
correctness of moral principle.
But her earlier
compositions gave little promise of that energy of thought, elevation
of sentiment, and force of diction which appear in the Essays in
Rhyme. This long-latent vigour was, however, soon quelled by the
languor of sickness: had it been sustained a few years, she would
probably have attempted some projects with which her mind was teeming
at the time when she found it necessary to abstain from literary
occupations. Yet perhaps her delicate frame, even if it had not been
shaken by disease, would not have sustained the effort necessary to
give expression to the thoughts with which her imagination laboured.
But whether or not
there may be reason to suppose that, under more favourable
circumstances, she might as a writer have moved in a higher sphere,
it is enough to know that her talent was most beneficially occupied.
For, setting aside those of her works which display the most genius,
she has in an unpretending walk of literature widely scattered the
seeds of virtue and piety. Nor can it be doubted that the good fruits
of her labours shall endure and increase long after those who now
cherish a fond remembrance of her virtues in private life shall have
passed away.
Notes
Numbered footnotes (except No. 2) are from the original text.
Unnumbered notes have been added to this digital version.
1.
Some sort of
genealogical table indicating the relationship of those who have in
succession held in their hands the FAMILY PEN, may perhaps serve to
make the succeeding narrative more intelligible.
2.
Written in
1825.
3.
Her opinions on this subject she has
given in several of the papers in the Contributions
of QQ, especially in that "on a Liberal Taste".
4.
The Editor
has
not thought it needful to erase this passage, though it is little
more than a repetition of what has been said before.
5.
It scarcely seems necessary to caution the young reader against a
misinterpretation of these expressions. Nothing preternatural was
supposed by my sister in this instance to have taken place. She simply
means that the gloom, or confusion of mind, which had long distressed
her, was suddenly dispelled by a more just view of the great truths of
Christianity. Her temperament was very far from being that of the
enthusiast, and none who knew her would impute to her a tendency to
indulge illusory religious excitements.
Original Poems for
Infant Minds, first published in 1804 by Darton
and Harvey,
London. The contributors were Ann, Jane and Isaac Taylor Jnr (two
items), their father, Isaac Taylor Snr (two items), Bernard Barton (one
item) and Adelaide O'Keefe (34 items). All were contributors to The Minor's Pocket Book, published
by Darton and Harvey from about 1796. Original
Poems was every popular, going through a new edition every year
until at least 1834.
Maternal Solicitude, first published 1814,
by Darton and Harvey. It went through 11 editions by 1824. (Contributions
Towards a Bibliography of the Taylors of Ongar and Stanford Rivers,
G. Edwards Harris.)
Advice to the Teens, first published
September 1818. (Contributions
Towards a Bibliography of the Taylors of Ongar and Stanford Rivers,
G. Edwards Harris.)
Rhymes for the Nursery, 1806, Darton and
Harvey. First publication of The Star
(Twinkle Twinkle Little Star).
(Contributions
Towards a Bibliography of the Taylors of Ongar and Stanford Rivers,
G. Edwards Harris.)
Sarah
Hinton. Daughter of Rev James
Hinton (1761-1823) and Ann
Taylor
(1766-1832). Ann Taylor was a daughter of the first Isaac Taylor
(1730-1807), engraver
of London. Ann was a sister of the Rev
Isaac Taylor of Ongar (1759-1829).
Sarah Hinton, born 1796, was thus a first cousin of the Taylors of
Ongar and
sister of the well-known Baptist ministers, writers and cartographers, John Howard Hinton
(1791-1873) and Isaac Taylor Hinton
(1799-1847). The
1867 edition of The Family Pen (Jackson,
Walford and Hodder, 27 Paternoster Row, London) wrongly lists Sarah
Hinton as Sarah Winton (p 221).
Miseries of Human Life, James Beresford
(1764-1810). Published in 1806. Full title: The Miseries of Human Life; or the Groans
of Timothy Testy, and
Samuel Sensitive. With a Few Supplementary Sighs from Mrs. Testy. In
Twelve Dialogues.
The Velvet Cushion,
by Rev J.W. Cunningham (London, 1814) was an
account of the English Church from an evangelical point of view. Rev
Cunningham is satirised in Frances Milton (Fanny) Trollope's The Vicar of Wrexhill. Fanny
Trollope was the mother of Anthony Trollope, the novelist.
Arminians.
Followers, or those who entertain the opinions of Arminius. a
Protestant divine who flourished in Holland about the beginning of the
17th century. He maintained that God had predestinated the salvation or
condemnation of individuals only from having foreseen who would and who
would not accept of offered mercy. After his death, in 1609 his
followers rapidly increased and were vehemently attacked by the
Calvinists. In 1610 they addressed a petition to the States of Holland
for protection, from which they got the name of Remonstrants. The
Calvinists put forth a counter-remonstrance and, in 1614 the States
issued an edict granting full toleration to both. This displeased the
Calvinists, who continued their persecutions and at length in 1610 the
doctrines of the Arminians were condemned by the Synod of Dort, and
their clergy were driven from their churches and forbidden to exercise
the ministry in public. In consequence of this decision, many left the
country and took refuge in France, England, and other places. The views
of the Armenians are summed up in the following five articles: 1. That
God had, from all eternity, determined to save all who, he foresaw,
would persevere in the faith, and to condemn all who should continue in
unbelief. 2. That Christ died for all men; but that only those who
believe are really saved by his death. 3. That man is of himself
incapable of true faith, and therefore must be born again, of God,
through Christ, by the Holy Spirit. 4. That all good works are to be
attributed to the grace of the Holy Spirit, which, however, does not
force a man against his own inclination. 5. That God gives to the truly
faithful the power to resist sin. With respect to the possibility of a
fall from the state of grace, Arminius and his immediate followers were
undecided; but his followers came afterwards to believe that it was
possible. After 1630, the Arminians were again tolerated in Holland;
but, from this time, their opinions underwent a considerable change.
They have inclined more and more to freedom of thought and the
rejection of creeds and confessions. They build chiefly upon the
necessity of moral duties and good works, and allow each one to
interpret the Holy Scriptures for himself. They reject many articles of
faith, and do away almost entirely with the necessity of succour from
the Holy Spirit. The Arminians, or Remonstrants as the sect is now
named, have, however, dwindled away to a very small body, making not
more than 5000, the largest congregation being at Rotterdam; but their
tenets, more especially regarding predestination, have been adopted by
various other denominations, such as the Wesleyan Methodists, as well
as by numerous individual members of other churches. Beeton's Dictionary of Religion,
Philosophy, Politics and Law (London, New York and Melbourne,
circa 1880).
Micaiah
Towgood (1700-1792) was a prominent Dissenting minister of
Exeter. He wrote A Dissent from the
Church of England Fully Justified.
Establishment.
Protestant Dissenters, such as the Independent (later Congregational)
Church, of which Jane Taylor and the other Taylors of Ongar were
members, referred to the Church of England variously as the Established
Church and the Episcopal Church. The Independents held the view that
there should be no state church.
Sarah, Elizabeth, John and Phoebe Medland were the children of James
Medland of Newington, in Surrey. James Medland, a widower, died in June
1823. He had at one time proposed marriage to Jane Taylor, but she
refused,
perhaps because she already knew of her illness. Elizabeth Medland
married Isaac Taylor, author of this memoir of Jane Taylor, in August
1825. Isaac and Elizabeth lived at Stanford Rivers, near Ongar, and had
11 children, including Henry Taylor, who
became an architect, and authored the Pedigree
of the Taylors of Ongar.
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